What's the best way to transport a swan?

Question

I have in my possesion a medium-sized and rather bad tempered swan.
I require its presence at a drinks party in Dorset on Saturday, which is about 120 miles from my home.
What is the ideal method of carriage for said bird?

I have just attempted to place the bird in a bin liner.
It got very cross indeed, so I assume any further effort to control its movement will end in a repeat of this ornithological loss of temper.

By excreting its faeces on my keyboard, the swan has expressed its intense opposition to the drinks party.
So, as a follow up question - How do I encourage a swan to attend a drinks party in Dorset?

Answer 1

SWAN + DRINKS PARTY = WTF ARE YOU THINKING !!
Leave the poor bird at home and get a clue.. *rolls eyes..

Answer 2

Most swans are bad tempered. I'd be bad tempered too, if someone was trying to stuff me in a box. However, if you need to transport this animal, here's what I'd do. Put it in a medium sized animal carrying crate. One that offers him no, or very limited, view of the outside world. Put a blanket over it also, to help with sound and any additional sight he may have. He does need to breath though. Keep that in mind, of course. Try not to stress the animal as much as possible.

Or, slip him some Zanax a few hours before you try to move him. ha ha

Answer 3

Obtain a length of 500 pound test fishing line. Tie one end to either leg of the swan. Attach the other end to the back of your car. Drive to the party. One way or the other, irritable bird will be there. If it chooses to fly, note that underpasses will give it a headache which will not improve its mood much.
Hmmmmm Your addendum re: keyboard did not further endear the nasty bird to us. Do you wish me to supply you with my cat food recepie? It calls for a considerable quantity of boiled swan . . .

Answer 4

I'd be rather bad tempered too if I was dragged to parties - swans aren't renowned for their wit, repartee and drinking ability - leave the poor thing at home. Does the Queen know about this??

Answer 5

If this is really one of her majesty's birds- then I suggest you employ proffessionals to do the transportation for you as there could be very dire consequences for one as yourself -should something unfortunate happen.
If on the other hand you are talking of the human variety- It may be wise to ask what kind of bribery she would indulge.The ideal carriage for such a female would be one that had safety and comfort in priority.

Answer 6

Joke answer is after it's dead.
Guess the best answer is to give it some environment it is happy in - (box or cage) - and that it is familiar with. I have seen geese transported in jackets to stop them damaging their wings but they will always get a bit whingey and swans alos have attitude - after all they are the biggest of the big.

Answer 7

Why are you taking it TO A DRINK PARTY? I can just say, ask your local veteranarian or call the ASPCA and they can take care of it. You can just leave it at your house, and it will fly away soon probably ... yeah. Swans ... NOT THE FRIENDLIEST ... have fun though! And always have a designated driver.

Answer 8

ive seen on tv that the rspca/rspb have like special sack thingys, that sort ot keep the legs and wings from moving, but have the neck sticking out

EDIT: i love how people take things so seriously, i does make me laugh.

How about tempting it to go of is own voliton, with the promise of a member of the opposite sex?

Answer 9

If you cooked it that should calm it down a bit.
Then you could tie-wrap it to the handlebar of your bike,
or glue it to your helmet.

BTW, animals are not toys, stop messing with it and feed it some pizza.

Answer 10

Tie a leash around it and let it fly just above your head. Or you could put it in a big box.

Answer 11

It does I assume come with wings done it?