Is this the sign that I am a Baptist?

Question

YOU MIGHT BE A SOUTHERN BAPTIST IF...



- You think John the Baptist started the SBC.

- You think God's presence is strongest on the back three pews.

- You think "Amazing Grace" is the national anthem.

- You judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.

- Your definition of fellowship has something to do with food.

- You ever wondered when Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong would get paid off.

- You honestly believe that the Apostle Paul spoke King James English.

- You think worship music has to be loud.

- You think Jesus actually used Welch's grape juice and saltine crackers.

- You judge the quality of a service by its length.

- You ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken and interpret that feeling as a call to preach.

- You believe that you are supposed to take a covered dish to heaven.

- You have never sung the third verse of any hymn.

- You have ever put an IOU in the offerin

Answer 1

Usually people tell those jokes on their own denomination.
Here's one for you:
A man died and went to Heaven. He was given the grand introductory tour through an enormous mansion. The tour guide showed him a door, which he opened, and he saw a group of people who were singing some very old fashioned hymns, and whose leaders had some ornate costumes. "Those are the Episcopalians" the tour guide said. He then went to another door which he opened. People inside were seated in several concentric circles, very quiet, preparing to partake of the bread and wine which were on a table in the centre. The ladies wore veils. "Those are the Christian Brethren", the tour guide said. Then another door which he opened. A crowd of people were in there, clapping, raising their hands in the air, shouting praises. "Those are the Pentecostals", he said. Then he put a finger to his lips and indicated that the gentleman follow him very quietly to the next door. He opened the door slightly, and both peeped in. There was a group in there, seated in well ordered rows, getting ready to hear an exposition of the Scriptures. He then silently backed off, closed the door, and tip-toed away, continually warning his guest to silence with gestures. Once they were far enough away, the guest asked: "Who were they? Why do we have to be quiet?" The answer: "those are the Baptists. They think they're alone up here!"
I'm a Baptist by the way.

Answer 2

The only sign of a Baptist is if you attend a Baptist fellowship What else could there be. I have been in Independent Baptist Church's for 15 years( in Australia) & most of the stuff your talk'n about is just man man rules & not the Bible!! Baptist Churchs are usually fundamentalist Bible believing churchs. The only reason we use the KJV is because its the most accerate bible which is close to the original Greek & Hebrew, not because "Paul spoke in old English", which is impossible any way because he was a Jew !!

Answer 3

Well... a couple of them don't apply to me so I must not be SBC...Thank God.... But I do have a covered dish in the freezer ready to take with me to Heaven I am sure that is a requirment for all Baptists. Southern or not.

Answer 4

Hell fire and brimstone and that was in the beginning of southern baptist now they might have the calling but hey they have to have a phd,,,,,With education comes a quiteness, and so I see all your points that you have pointed{{{out to us,,,,I do live in the southern of southern product of the family hard shell baptist,

Answer 5

I attend a Baptist church. Do you mind if I copy this and put it into our quarterly church magazine? I am sure the whole church would have a good chuckle.

Answer 6

Put your Jeff Foxworthy type jokes in the "Jokes" section and leave us alone!

Answer 7

no that is not what it is.... u cna't be serious.... please tell me this is a joke, cuz if u think this si what a Baptsist is, then u are really wrong..

Answer 8

that was funny and some so true,,lol..

Answer 9

ok

Answer 10

LOL, crack me up.