Do you think people should purposely try to have children despite knowing they cannot afford them?

Question

I know accidents happen - but I also know people who try to have babies, when they can barely take care of the children they already have. My cousin, for example, lives in a tiny two bedroom apartment with her husband and they are now on their fourth child (2 boys, one girl, and the 4th is on the way). They are on food stamps and are barely getting by. They were actively trying for that 4th baby too. Should I say something to her, or leave it be? I'm worried about her kids.

Answer 1

Why we want kids and have them is not related to wealth. The reasons are many and varied. It is a normal desire to want kids.
Love and having chidren is deeper that apparent logic.

Many religions encourage children irregardless of finances. Many wonderful kids grew up poor, but loved. As for people having kids to get more welfare, as at least one repsondent speculated, maybe, but that would be rare and is counter-productive. I don't think huge #s of people plot that out!!!

I do think people often say things like that because they want to over simplify complex problems or somehow wrongly assume the poor are robbing them. Other just hear it and repeat it. Some truly beleive it, but the statistical evidence does not support it.

I had 2 and plenty of money to have more. My 28 year old son has none and wants none. My daughter has six and a 7th on the way. She always wanted a lot of kids and has them and she is a great mom. They make very good money, but she would have has a lot of kiddos even had she'd been poor. She just loves being a mom.

To assume we should decide for someone else what size their family should be based on money is more than just a bit scary. Then, should we decide only the smart or pretty or literate can procreate?? I think not. We cannot and really have no right to project our values on to other people and families. We might think that kids growing up in poverty is a bad idea and sure their problems are greater, in some ways, but that is still projecting our values onto others. Many times these kids are very happy. in my community there are numerous hispanic familes, for instance, who work hard, but have little, yet they have large families of happy children.

With that said, if you truly believe that the children are being abused, since you say you are worried about them, then CPS should know, but you would need real evidence and have to be awfully sure before taking a step like that. I suspect they are not being abused or you would have outright said that. But abuse is not based on ragged clothes or holes in underwear, or even lack therof. Nor is it based on not having the newest expensive toys.

You are, my guess is, a well meaning and caring person. I really believe that, but the best course here, unless there is real abuse, is to stay out of their business in this matter.

Of course you could offer to help with clothes for their kids or other things they might need or even just want, if you are in a financal position to do so. Not always, but now and again. If some of their needs were met better with your help (if you can) I think you might be less worried for the kids.

God Bless you and Good luck with your dilemma.

Answer 2

If the government took all the money you had away then what would you be left with? Family. That is all you really have in this life. Money will fade. Trends will always change. You can't say that even for the people who claim to be financially stable. What if daddy gets hurt or fired? Not everyone cares if other people have families they need to support. Then stay at home mom has to get a job for her while daddy has to get back on the ball (for mle32005♥). I'm sure there is only one God & He is the only one that knows why we do what we do. However if the government can throw money away for wars and all other useless crap that is killing other peoples children then why not use it to support new life. Are her kids malnutirioned? Are they un-happy? Or is it that you think you can do better?

Answer 3

Even if they do it under the guise of really loving and wanting children, it's selfish. They are thinking about themselves and not about the best welfare of the child. Foodstamps is not "the best welfare of the child." It's just Welfare. BUT! Unless you feel that there is abuse of any sort of the extent that the children and not being taken care of, and I think we all pretty much know what a state's requirements are in that regard, it's not your place to be voicing opinions, no matter how well meant. If these people were ready to listen to your opinion, they would probably be behaving properly to start with. Clearly they don't care. Saying anything is just going to start a fight, create bad feelings and then you won't be allowed to visit at all. You can report them to Child Welfare, but no one can force people to stop having children. The best that might happen is that they are taken away, and even that is questionable as to whether it's the best because kids do love their parents, despite how badly they're treated sometimes. Such a dilemma....

Answer 4

I think you have a right to be worried. People should be responsible when bringing children into this world. I know a lot of peopl who have babies just so they CAN get the food satmps and government aid. It is a touchy subject cause some people think you can raise kids on love alone. I would just leave it be cause saying something to her may cause her to pussh you out of their life. Just try to be there for those kids they are going to need someone to be on their side. Good Luck

Answer 5

People shouldn't do this, but they do. My cousin is the same way. Saying something probably won't do any good, but if you think it will make you feel better and make her think twice about a fifth child I would. I said something to mine. I feel like if they have to be on food stamps, and taxpayers are having to help them take care of their kids they should be put on some type of birth control until they can take care of themselves-but we are not in a perfect world.

Answer 6

I somewhat have those days had a baby and to be uncomplicated i'd say we couldn't have the funds for to have one. we do not declare advantages my better 0.5 works and immediately i'm on maternity go away and am attempting to stumble on a sparkling pastime that'll cover the earnings i'd be dropping at the same time as my maternity go away contains an end. I agree that those that get pegnant on purpose to ward off artwork maximum definately might want to no longer have little ones as that child even with the actual incontrovertible reality that probable loved isn't presented into the international for the right motives and ought to omit out on many stuff from having in reality egocentric dad and mom. those which aren't to any extent further utilizing birth control and get pregnant even with the actual incontrovertible reality that stupid received't have the middle to interrupt a existence. toddlers can't be punished for his or her dad and mom stupidity. it truly is unlucky that there are a kind of human beings on earnings yet when having a touch one hasn't been achieved purely to be lazy and get out of labor then sure there are rationalization why human beings must have little ones with out with the flexibility to have the funds for them. see you later as they're loved cared and presented for. shall we face it we pay the taxes besides ... a minimum of it truly is going to something more effective than providing for wars!

Answer 7

I don't think that people should be trying to have kids when they cannot afford them, it is ridiculously irresponsible. Depending on how close you are with your cousin should determine whether or not you should say anything. Perhaps these having children and trying to conceive is a band aid for a bad relationship. I wouldn't bank on her changing her mind based off your opinions though, and there is a good chance that it could sever your relationship.

Answer 8

Having kids is a huge responsibility. The formative years are so important that it affects their whole lives. If as parents, you are already on a hand-to-mouth existence, is it fair for your kids to go through that? Sure you might love kids, but is it love if you let your child go through hardships? I don't think so.
Should you tell your cousin? No, in the end, it's her choice. Would she listen anyway even if you did? You may tell all manner of truths to her but it will only be truth if she believes it.

Answer 9

I think if a big family is what they want, let them have it! And MOST people that are getting food stamps work and pay taxes just like everyone else, so the previous answers will only make her mad, you can simply tell her your happy for her and that she has a beautiful family, b/c obviously they mean alot to her and I bet she'd like to hear that from you other than you judging her decisions.

Answer 10

It is foolish to do this. You must first have a good foundation in the home before planning for a baby in my opinion. A goodp arent would not want to bring a child into the world that they know they couldn't support.....then again this is just my opinion. I think that you should try to reason with her about her situation. Hopefully this will work.