My son is being accused of sexual abuse, but he swears he is innocent. Now what?

Question

I posted a question earlier today about my 4 yr. old nephew telling my brother that my son(10)put his "pee pee" in my nephews mouth. I did not want to immediatly say that my nephew was lying, but I also didn't want to just automatically say that my son did anything wrong. There was a situation involving my stepkids a few months ago (I think some people who answered my last question got confussed and thought I was saying my son was involved in that past situation, but he was not) and I immediatly thought that maybe one of my stepkids might have done or tried something with my son. I pulled my son out of school today to try to get to the bottom of this, and he is swearing it is not true. I told him that he didn't have to be afraid to tell me if something had happened to him or if something had happened between him and my nephew, and that he would not be in trouble. He still kept swearing that nothing happened and that he is not lying. I know that my brother believes his son,------->

but I believe mine. I asked him if either of my stepkids had ever tried to touch him, since there were problems a few months ago with the stepkids touching each other, and my son swears that nothing like that has ever happened with him. I don't want to call my nephew a liar, but I believe my son. He is going to talk to our preacher tonight. Do you think that it is possible that my nephew has heard about "pee pee's" from somewhere else and is not telling the truth?

What if there is nothing to confess? I am trying to keep an open mind, and understand that there is a chance that my son did do this, but I am also trying to be trusting of my son and give him the benefit of the doubt that he may be telling the truth. My brothers best friend has a son who is 6, and my husband has heard this child refer to his "member" as a "pee pee" and has heard him comment on putting his "pee pee" in a girl when he gets older and has a girlfriend. So part of me wonders if something didn't happen with this child and my son's name is being used instead of this kids. My son has never been a trouble maker, he doesn't get in trouble at school, and he has always been a quite and lovable child. I just find it hard to believe that he could be guilty when he is getting so upset and hysterical over the accusations.

Answer 1

I'm sorry to say, but just as a drunken man cannot lie about something so serious, neither can a young child. Your son might be afraid to confront the consequences and is hiding the truth, work with him patiently and act normal as if it isn't anything out of the usual (i know it is but to get the truth out you have to act normal) sooner or later, he will confess, and yes preciaslly you said it yourself, how can a 4 year old know about pee pees without anyone guiding him through? He probably saw one and thus knows about pee pees but your son no matter how much theorpy, preching, etc , he gets will if true, always denie such a bad deed because all children know whats wrong and do not want to confess their bad deeds, on the other hand, dont mess with the 4 year old's mind please, you will get him confused if you say such things as "are you sure he put it in their" or " swear to god he did it, because if you are lieing you will go to hell" that type of thing scares them and will only make it harder to find out what really happened, as for your step kids, please keep an eye on them... if possible run a test at your local medical center for any sign of sexual intercourse,
best of luck




*** EDIT IMPORTANT****
please also take into consideation that one of your stepkids might have told the 4 year old to say that your son put his pee pee in his mouth, please be aware of that, i can now see through your eyes, you really can't just blame a person until proven guilty with proof :) gud luck, please consult a doctor to run tests

Answer 2

It sounds as if your sister has a lot of issues. I dont believe the child's "father" as he knows him has any legal recourse to try to see him. He could be investigated by the police but if there is no proof he can't be arrested. Your sister however can be arrested for filing a false report..In the best interest of the child, perhaps you and your nephews father should consider getting proof and documentation that the child is not safe in his current home. It may require your pretending to be close to your sister so you can spend time there and see what is happening-see if there are drugs being used when child is home, etc.. If you want to get real creative go online and look at spy stores equipment-you can tape/take pics from common articles of clothing for your proof. then take the info (if you get any) to child protective services or the police. If you think the child is in danger now you can alwasy file an anonymous report with child protective services. If the child is removed from the house he would most likely be placed with you or your mom and could then see his dad

Answer 3

A 4 year old that comes up with something like this has been put up to it and told what to say. Asking the 4 year old who told him to say that with a sudden interest may give you a different prospective of the situation. I stand by you and your son. It is hard to keep on lying without messing up sooner or later. A believer would be praying for God to intervene. If you are not a believer then it is time you did and get on your knees and pray hard. God can be the answer if you turn the problem over to him and let him handle it. He does not need your help but you need His so let him bless you! navysonofga

Answer 4

my son was molested at 5..the molestor to this day denies doing it. MY son repeated the EXACT same story to me, the school counselor, the psychologists, the social workers, family, etc.. A child is NOT going to tell the VERY same story that many times unless he is telling the truth..If your nephew is telling the truth, he will tell the same story every time..adults can't lie and remember the same story time to time..kids sure can't...If he continues to say the same thing..you can bet it happened..More than likely the 10 yr old is lieing..to stay out of trouble. Take him to a preacher or a neutral third party (someone he doesn't feel he has to please) and see what the story is...

Answer 5

I had a foster sister who accused my brother of the same thing. she was 4 and he was 17. However since the opportunity never was there for it to happen, she was never with him alone.
After medical exams and everything to make sure nothing had happened else where, she saw a phyciatrist, and found out she had seen a movie at her previouse home that was more of a porn and thought it was a good thing.

I also babysat a girl also 4 who accused her dad of the same thing, only full intercourse. It was quite evident she was lying after the medical exam. The parents found her the next week in thier bedroom watching thier adult movies. and she too thought it was a good thing to have this done.

My daughter was molested by my nephew, thankfully I walked in before it got too bad, he had just barely touched her. I no longer allow them to be alone, or even close to each other. If he is at the same house visiting, she sits by me at all times. As a mother you need to make sure an opportunity doesn't present itself to let that happen, and IF it did, not to happen again. Kids are curious and like to play act what they see. could your son or nephew have seen something to provoke this thinking, or perhaps peers at school??
I know as a mother it is hard to think of our children doing things like this, but how many of us did stupid things when we were kids finding out about our bodies.

Answer 6

I saw your Q earlier and answered it. The same answer applies. Go to counseling - with the stepkids - no blaming, no faults, no nothing, just get to counseling. It can only help. Go from there.

You probably shouldn't have pulled him out of school. He needs your support, but the whole family obviously needs some professional help. Just do it - nothing wrong. Maybe you'll find out nothing is happening. Either way, at least you will have done the right thing.

Answer 7

I'm not going to tell you who to believe. I know if I was in this situation, it would be hard for me not to believe my own child. However, this is a four year old child that you're speaking of. I wouldn't think a four year old would think up something like that and lie about it. A four year old child most likely wouldn't even know what that is. So, if the child does, there could be a possibility that it really happened.

Answer 8

This is a really easy problem to resolve, I was being accused of rape couple years ago, because some girl had some grudge against me i clearly didn't do anything, but what i did was spy on her and her friends and record her conversation. I record her saying " THAT IDIOT IS SHITING BRICKS ABOUT THAT RUMOR I MADE UP", That tape got me out trouble, and her in deep trouble.If you talk to the kids about the situation, their always going to stick with their stories, but if you send them to their room and record their conversation, then you will most likely record someone saying "just tell her it was a lie already its not funny anymore" or "why did you put your pee pee in my mouth, now were in trouble. Little kids think that their not being heard in a room so they tend to blure out everything. If you really want to find out then do this, but send them to their room after you talked to them about the problem, so it can be fresh in their mind. It will work!!!! good luck

Answer 9

I dont know the home life of your nephew... but it would be a far fetch for a four year old to create such a story if it werent true.

The best way to tell if a child that young is simply making things up, is to try to change their story for them. Children at this age are incredibly truthful, and will not lie if they know something is true.

I would bring in another adult, and all of you sit down with him, and ask him to tell you what happened. Ask him to tell each of the adults. Next, try to get him to change his story by asking him if something happened a different way, like "so, it was your cousin who did this, betty you said right?" When you know full well its not a girl we're talking about. Or, "so you were in the back yard when this happened" when you know full well it was the bathroom... you see what I mean. If he's making things up he'll continue to play the imagination game, but otherwise, he will agrue what he knows to be true.

I just dont know, in this case, I would almost completely have to lend towards the 4 year old being right. maybe he's confused about who the person was, or something like that, but I certainly cannot imagine a four year old making something up like this. Its just not natural.

Answer 10

You should get the two of them together than discuss what all of this is about. Most children don’t just make up things like that at age four however that may not be the case here. So your best bet is to sit them down together soon and the truth will come out!!!