How should I approach my sons terrible tantrums?

Question

My son is 22 months old and he is absolutley insane. His sister is 14 months older than him, and they fight, but he is amazing. He will scream at the top of his lungs(blood curdling), thow himself down(and bang his head), then bite what is ever in front of him. He also throws things if he happens to have it in reach. I know 9 times outta 10 he is just pissed cause his sister doesn't understand the concept of sharing.(Nor does he for that matter). Is it best to ignore it? Scold him? Time out him? He is very sensitive and cries with scolding. My daugter is a whole different issue.....how do I deal with my sweet little boy?

Look I am not on here telling you that your son isn't sweet . save the rude comments about my child. I will say he is just BEGINING to communicate well. with a almost 2 and a 3 year old it can be hard.

Answer 1

Walk out of the room and ignore him. If possible pick him while in the middle of one, put him in his room on the floor (where he can continue his tantrum), and, without a word, walk out and close the door. Amazing how quickly they stop. I use to tell mine that if they couldn't get a tear to show up on their cheeks to just be quiet because I was less than impressed.

This is done for attention only. Don't fall into the trap and take the bait. Even if they hold their breath and pass out, no problem. As soon as they pass out they start breathing normally again - so, unless they are injured - as in blood running down their face, be the stoic parent he needs an ignore him.

Answer 2

It sounds like there are other issues then the not sharing with your son. Time out may be good just to bring the anger back down until he is old enough to better control it. His frustration level must get very high at those points that he has these tantrums. I would talk with your doctor about them and see if he has any suggestions. My son went through a time period from 3 yrs to 6 years that every Spring his entire mood and disposition changed. There were several times I just held him until the anger or crying passed. Most of those he didn't remember at the time. He grew out of it and the doctor's never did figure out what was going on. I still see a slight change in his emotional level in the Spring but I'm Mom so I do see the little changes.

As far as sharing, hard concept to get across at this age. I got to the point that if I didn't see what happened, whatever it was was now mine. Then both my son & daughter went into their rooms for time out. There was to be no talking to me or each other during that time. This was to just get both of them calmed down and away from the original insident. This also got the back & forth - he did, she did out of the way. Since I didn't see who did what and they could not resolve it both went for 5 minutes. This got longer as they got older.

They have 28 months between them so it was a little better.

Answer 3

The best approach is to ignore the bad behavior it is a way of getting attention. Time out is the best way and I would say he can't get up until he apologizes. As soon as he starts again I would put him back in time out. At 22 months he is very able to manipulate the situation to get what he wants. It is part of our natural survival instincts. The more you give into him and the more you get emotionally involved the more he will use this behavoir to illicit his desired response. Good luck and hang in there. I would also make sure to set up some structured activities for him and your other child to do together and some time for you to spend with each one individually.

Answer 4

They are both too immature to be playing with each other without supervision. At this time you are acting like a constant referee and if there is too much of this struggle between them they will have deep resentment of each other. They should be playing separately and monitored carefully. Our kids were at least 4 years apart which meant that they were light years apart developmentally. Even with that big difference they would often get into it. The youngest one seemed to always be the pill and the one to be disciplined. The older kids usually gave in to her but they called her the alien. She was a biter and had to be timed out often. They all are grown now and civil to one another.

Answer 5

Ignore it. I remebr when I was younger I absolutely didn't want anyone to know I had had ppneumonia one day at my school my mom brought it up with one of the other moms. I fell to the floor was screaming and crying. my mom completely ignored it. hen another person came up and asked what was oing on she just said o don't worry she is just having a tantrum. Evenmtually I got over it and I pretty much never did it again. So my advice to you is no matter where or how bad just ignore it. Hell gettired of it soon enough

Answer 6

he wants a big sympathetic reaction from you. I have a 10 year old that did this when he was that age. I also have a 20 month old that is starting to try these fits. Ignore them. really....it is not easy, but I noticed that my son doesn't try it as much since I turned around every time he started to throw a fit. It only took a few times. good luck.

Answer 7

My two favorite things when my son was that age were 1. Time Outs in a very boring area in our house with absolutely nothing to look at or do. But the 2nd was to take his favorite toy, put it and him in the car and drive straight over to the Salvation Army and hand it over. I always warned him it was going to happen first, if he didn't chill out then away went the toy.

Answer 8

u need to put ur foot down immediately!! he should be sensitive to scolding and don't worry about hurting his feelings if he's misbehaving like that. what i do with my 2 year old is i give him a very firm (almost manly) warning that whatever he's doing is not acceptable and let him know that is his only warning. if he does it again, then i get down to his level and look him in the eye and remind him firmly that he was already told that wasn't acceptable and it's time to sit on the stairs for 2 minutes. he'll usually have a tantrum and be very upset about having to go there (if he gets ridiclious about it, i'll bring him to his room and tell him that he needs to calm down). after the time out is over, i'll go over there and remind him again why he's there and that it's not nice or whatever. i make him apologize and i give him kisses and hugs and we get down and start all over. it's super-important not to dwell on it or to allow him to carry on like that. it'll only get worse. email me if you have any more questions. it'll be tough, but worth it!! good luck!!

Answer 9

It doesn't sound like he's sweet. You need to take control. Make sure he know that tantrums are unacceptable. If he throws one, he needs time out.

Do you have any type of routine set up for your kids? Kids do better when they know what their boundries are and what is expected of them.

Try to sit down (when everyone is calm) and explain how things work in MOM's house.

Answer 10

Here's just one idea from Dr. Sears. See the link for more. I think because his language skills are weak, he is throwing tantrums. Words before action. Words give power over feelings and frustrations. Parents who talk with their babies and toddlers, teaching them language in the daily flow of living, are equipping them to handle the moments of frustration and strong feelings. If a toddler can be given a word or two to say in a moment of conflict, he will often be able to cooperate with you because saying that word gives him mastery over the concept he's struggling with.

As for the above answer - spanking won't work long term:
http://www.stophitting.com/disathome/factsAndFiction.php