How is homeschooling a selfish option?

Question

Mike C has let us know his opinion that homeschooling, other than for medical reasons, is a selfish option.

I don't understand that comment at all. It doesn't make any logical sense to me since I chose this for my children's benefit--knowing what I do about child psychology and development and the schools here--and not for my own. It has nothing to do with if my kids would do fine in school or not--it's what kind of people are they more likely to become or what are we as parents going to have to work against each day to negate whatever nonsense they've picked up at school.

I gave up a career outside the home and the income that would have brought. This of course means giving up all kinds of material possessions we could have had if I were making that income. That's selfish?

I have a huge responsibility now in making sure that my kids really get everything they need. It takes a lot of work and I do it for them because I truly believe it's what's best for them. That's selfish?

My kids don't want to go to school. They have each other as peers and they have friends they see on a regular basis. Wouldn't it be more selfish of me to say, "You know what kids? I know you like homeschooling, but I want to make more money just so I can buy more things so I'm going to send you to public school!"?

I should perhaps clarify that my goal in asking this question is to better understand how 'the other side' sees it. I really can NOT see a logical reason for saying that homeschooling is a selfish option. I'd really like to know how people can see it as selfish. Essentially, I want to get deeper into their perception of homeschooling and homeschoolers.

It's a shame that there are people out there who were homeschooled who have obvious issues with how their parents went about the homeschooling. That doesn't mean that every homeschooling parent does what your parents did.

And I never said that my kids even did things only with homeschoolers--they don't. Besides, I've met too many high school homeschoolers who love their life and have supportive parents. They have no regrets about being at home and choose to stay there. But as I said--they have SUPPORTIVE parents who work at the homeschooling.

I went through public school. I didn't experience anything that I would feel I would have missed out on had I not gone to school. Honestly.

Thanks, Mike, for responding. I still can't say I totally understand your point of view, but it at least provides a glimpse.

Answer 1

I think it comes down to misunderstanding homeschooling. People make uneducated assumptions. People assume that we're taking our kids out of what would be best for them, but they really have little, false, or no information on which to make that assumption. So many people think that public school is just part of a normal, healthy childhood. They look no further, so they know nothing else.

Also, homeschooling is given such bad press whenever possible. It's that handful of wackos that get all the publicity for all of the homeschoolers, so its no wonder so many have such misconstrued understandings of homeschooling and the reasons families choose to homeschool.

Answer 2

Will that be a problem? Nope. I started homeschooling when I was put on bedrest with my seventh child (and had a 1 yo, 3 yo, 5 yo, 6 yo, 7 yo, and a 9yo). It was very easy to simulate a school-at-home experience. As someone else stated, newborns are very easy, it's when they are about 18 months old that you need to worry about keeping them entertained, and it's good training for them to learn to sit at the table with you, or play quietly nearby. We have one bedroom set up as a play/learning room, and so the little ones could play quietly beside us while we worked. Also is that if i do send her to actual school after a few years, how will it affect her? Will it be bad? Good? I think you'll find that most homeschoolers are ahead academically, so that will not be a concern. Socialization is not a concern either. The one issue that homeschoolers typically have trouble adjusting to is being constantly bossed around ;-) After being taught in a loving meaningful way, the arbitrary rules and scheduling of schools will take a few days to adjust to. But not long. I have seven children who are very well adjusted. We just spent three days with my husband's family, thirty children from age thirteen to four months. No one could tell the difference between the homeschooled and the public school children, except that the homeschooled children were in general more respectful of their parents and more kind to their siblings. Pulling my children out of school has been the best thing that has happened to them and for our family. My four oldest don't ever want to go back to school. The only mistake I made was trying to recreate school at home while teaching them at the beginning. Unschooling has worked marvelously, because it allows children to learn through their interests, and creates a meaningful deeper education. Remember that your daughter is still very young, and it's not a race to learn more, but a journey that the two of you can share. Good luck! Have fun!

Answer 3

Ignore the crap. We know, as homeschoolers, that what we are doing is far from lazy or selfish. We live every day going from one activity to another, or dropping kids off or picking kids up. We research information, develop curriculum or activities, and then implement.

Mike, I did see a question resolved a few weeks ago, that I wish I could have answered ;-) I still think you should read something from Dumbing us Down author, who also was a teacher in public schools.

As far as Rene (?) states, I think it's sadly pathetic that she had such bad parents. I can't fathom any parent not helping their child prepare for whatever they want for their life. It's our job to educate ourselves about anything our kids want to know, including college prep and admission. As well, I guess I wouldn't know any of those homeschoolers who do isolate their children, I know we don't. I do know that if only 1% of people homeschool, and we know nearly a hundred families personally, then we are pretty close to knowing all the homeschoolers in our community. Our kids have the choice of their own friends, and they have more time to hang out than any other kids we know (and their homeschooled friends do too)

stop the ignorance! Try to admit that homeschooling has many more facets than you care to acknowledge.

Answer 4

I think it's selfish in one way: I do have a lot of fun and enjoy learning with my children, and I think parents that don't homeschool miss out on some of that, but hopefully they do have fun learning experiences on the weekends.

I do disagree with Volk that you have to know everything as a homeschool teacher. I definitely don't know everything, but don't have any problem finding books or going online and looking up the information with my children. I hate to tell you this and burst your bubble, but public and private school teachers, like for example history teachers, don't know everything about history and I don't think they would have a problem admitting this.

Answer 5

If your the parent its your responsibility to teach your kids. You must be really smart, and know everything. I personally teach my kids what I know. But I would be a real idiot if I thought that the only knowledge my kids needed was from me and my wife.
Public schools are not the best. So I supplement there learning with taking them to museums on the weekend (metropolitan museum of art, Museum of natural history) Basically exposing them to the world. I wish my small town redneck parents did the same for me.

Answer 6

Glurpy, sometimes I wonder if you and I are the same person :)

I was going to ask something along these lines too, but then decided it wasn't worth it. Mike C has his opinion. And well, oh well.

I think in some ways, our whole lives are one long series of selfish decisions. Everyone's. We make decisions based on what? What's best for us and our families. From where we live to what we eat to the jobs we take to who we pick as our friends.

School is no different. The vast majority of parents send their kids to public school because, that's just how it is. And, lucky for them, it provides babysitting so they can work. It's the choice that makes the most sense for whatever reason. But no matter how we educate our kids, it's a "selfish" choice.

Nobody sends their kids to public school because it's good for society or because they want their children to be martyrs. (Oh please say I'm right about this.) People send their kids to public school for selfish reasons. People send their kids to private school for selfish reasons. People do the same for homeschooling. And what is that selfish reason - it's because it's the best choice for that family. They don't take into account what's best for everyone else's kids - only what's best for them.

In that way, homeschooling, heck any kind of schooling, is selfish. And that, is a good thing. Because it means that the family is making the best decision for them and their needs. That's what the kids deserve. That's how we allow people to be successful in their lives, by making choices that best fit their needs.

I have a feeling though, since I've argued this point with others many times before, that the "homeschoolers are selfish" perspective is trying to convey the idea that homeschooling parents are making the decision to homeschool without considering their children's needs. Well, I suppose there are probably some parents out there who do this, but would argue that very few do. That even though we may not agree with *why* they think homeschooling is best for their children, they do have their children's best intersests at heart, and make the decision to homeschool (by sacrificing a lot of their own lives, I must add), in order to provide what they think is the absolute best way to provide a good life and future prospects for their kids.

Homeschooling is not for everyone, but for the people who choose homeschooling, it's a great choice. For the people who don't choose it, it is obviously, from their perspective, not the best choice. And that's that.

Just as I, as a homeschooler, am better off understanding that each family has their own reasons to decide to send their kids to public school (and are probably better off for it in a lot of ways), people who are/were public schooled should also do better by seeing how homeschooling can be a good choice for the families who choose it.

I'm sure my kids would do well in school. They are adaptable kids (that's part of what we're teaching them BTW). But here's the thing - there's nothing that PS can give us that we don't already have. And if that's the case, what is the point of sending them to school where we'd have to add a lot of stress to our lives, and live our lives according to the public school world? It doesn't make sense. It would be like moving to a new city because people say it's the best place to live, even though we're perfectly happy where we are now.

I know there's lots of good in PS. But, we're really happy where we are now. Why fix what's not broke? There's a lot of good things in NY, but we live in Cali. Does that mean we've made a selfish decision not to live in NY? Our kids will never know what it's like to live there.

In the end, I don't really care if the whole damn world thinks I'm being selfish. That's an opinion. Not fact. It's a cultural perspective, not based on evidence. I know the truth. The truth is that our decisions are based on many things that most people don't really want to know. Or talk about. And rightly so - it doesn't apply to their lives.

So, I take comments like that with a grain of salt.

I just wish, that it was really true what they say about public school kids - that they are more tolerant because of their "exposure to different kinds of people". But the truth is, that school doesn't make people more tolerant. If it did, then all the people who went to public school, and all the kids there now, would try to understand homeschooling and alternative ideas of education. Instead, people hang on to the idea that it's public school or bust. (And I have to admit that there are homeschooled kids/families who are in opposite camp as well.) Only their experience and perspective is the right way. If public school was so crucial to teaching people to accept others who are different, then we wouldn't even be having this conversation.

I think that the best thing right now is to have choice. And to look at all possible educational choices as potentially valid. And the goal isn't to try and say one choice is better than the other, but to help individuals find the best fit for them. If that's being selfish, then so be it. It's the more effective way. Regardless of whether people like it or not.

Answer 7

I think yours is a rhetorical question, right?
It is NOT selfish!!! It is the way to go.
(I don't even understand the 'for a medical reason' you mentioned, what the heck is that?)

Anyway, keep on keepin' on! I did it for mine, then they went to private school and now public, so we had a taste of it all except boarding school (can you imagine?) and homeschooling them gave them social skills the other kids never had. I am so grateful I got to homeschool and meet all the people we did and go all the places we did. I miss those days, sigh.... so enjoy yours every minute you can.

Answer 8

Gosh
In general, you and several other regulars on this board sound like great parents and you have very talented kids. I am completely confident your children would excel in school and you would be a very valuable asset to your PTA or other volunteer org. in your school district.
So that's what I consider 'selfish'; this totally reminds me of scripture, you seem to be 'burying your talents in your back yard'
- allow me to get a little spiritual, your kids are a huge blessing, the Creator brought them to this world to bless it, not just YOUR world. I believe you (and me) were blessed with our own talents, material possessions, skills, patience, etc. by the Creator to Bless His world.
I think your own words are very telling 'what are we as parents going to have to work against each day to negate whatever nonsense they've picked up at school.' - What does this mean? You don't trust your kids will be able to tell the nonsense from what's right? You have to 'protect' them from the world outside your home? How does that shape their view of the rest of us? We ain't good enuff to know yer chillun's? We too 'unwashed'? I wonder what sort of judgmental adults they will become. IMO building this 'wall' amounts to a wholesale condemnation of the world beyond your apron strings
YOU are the parents, and I completely trust that you do make the best decisions for your children. You certainly did not make this decision lightly. I never expected to change anyone's mind (like you were going read my OPINION and rush your kids over to the school and enroll for next week, we can both laugh at that impossibility . . . I hope)
I do not recall you ever saying where you are at, so I am not so convinced that the public schools and available private schools, where you live, are so horrible that home schooling was your only option
As I have said in my profile, I live in the suburbs of Detroit. I have taught students from Detroit and surrounding school districts. I am too familiar with how bad a bad public school can be . . . and how good a public elementary can be. What's the biggest difference? PARENTS who care! Not Just parents who care about their own kids, but parents who care about their community and the kids in their community and the school in their community. I've seen a lot of 8 year-old send themselves to school every day without a mom or dad who cares, I know a lot of teachers who spend $200 a year, or more, on pencils and paper for the kids in their classes because the parents won't/don't/can't. I read how much work and effort you all put in and think to myself 'Damn! If these people focused this much effort in their own communities schools, they would have a VERY GOOD school!'
I don't know if you tried to be part of your community's schools, I don't know if you were told 'NO' by everyone. I do KNOW that some of the best things about school were started by PARENTS who cared a lot about their own kids, their communities, and the OTHER kids in their communities. A short list of good things concerned parents, working in the frame work of the public school system, added to their communities (and ours!):
Boy Scouts/ Girl Scouts
First Lego League
Little League Baseball
Pop Warner Football
Soccer
4-H
DAPCEP - plz check this out - dapcep.org
Foreign Student Exchange - Rotary Club!!

Certainly many more could be added, and, for sure, there are many anecdotal stories of how selfish and sick people have used theses orgs. to very evil ends. . .but by and large much good was collectively created

And that's why home school appears so selfish to me; you all want the benefits of what previous generations of parents, children, and teachers created, without sacrificing the open heartedness and wholesale caring it took to create these things for your kids

Answer 9

Just keep on homeschooling, ignore the critics. They are jealous of you because of the options you have and they are convicted because they won't make the same sacrifices for their own kids.

Many in my family and social circle criticized my wife and I for homeschooling our 3 children. Very few critics left after so many successful years.

Keep up the good work.

Answer 10

Sounds like you're doing what's best for your kids. I know a bunch of homeschoolers, many of which attend my school part-time. I think homeschooling is just another legitimate schooling option.