babys daddy is a bum how do i tell him i lothe him?

Question

my boys daddy is sick, he doesn't pay support and doesn't do anything for them, he only want to be able to talk to them. they are five and seven i have told them that he loves them, but bull **** he doesn't not even a little bit

Answer 1

I say, let him have visitation rights, but you need to find another guy who is suitable to play the father role in their lives. They need someone they can look up to with respect, not someone who can't even help out with something that he helped create. Good luck to you and I hope you have a very merry christmas with your children.

Answer 2

At least if he wants to talk to them, that is something. Some men want nothing at all to do with their children. I would continue to let your sons see their father (as long as he is not harming them in any way), but go to court to try to get child support taken out of his wages, or some other plan that could work.

Unfortunately you have made babies with someone who is irresponsible and whom you detest, but he is in your now life for at least the next 13 or 14 years. Even if you start a relationship with another man, he will still be their father, and they have a right to know him. You have a responsibility to try your best to collect the child support, because your children are entitled to it, and you also have a responsibility to continue to let him see them.

It is amazing how men seem to change sometimes when children enter the picture, but I think that the reality is that we women tend to ignore their bad points while the relationship is young and new and with few responsibilities. When we have to take the responsibility for children we see the light.

Answer 3

I completely understand how you feel but you are doing the right thing by telling your kids at their tender age that their daddy loves them. Sometimes my daughters father gets on my last nerve and last month he saw her for the first time in 2 years and was only here for 1.5 hours. I have never said a bad thing about her father to anyone and especially not in front of her. When she gets older she will see by his actions how good or bad of a father he is. I don't want her to blame me for turning her against her father. I hope this helps a little. Good Luck and Take Care.

PS: There are some wonderful men out there who will be happy to be their father. I hope you find the one who is meant for you and your sons... even though Im pretty sure your doing a fine job by yourself. Marry Christmas and Happy Holidays

Answer 4

As hard as it may be never bad mouth your children's daddy because they might overhear you.Remember that you cared for him once . Don't get me wrong I think it is a tragedy for the children but you will be the one they turn to to answer their questions about dear old dad.Try be sensitive when you talk to your children about him because you don't want them to blame you because he doesn't come around. Unfortunately you will also be the one to pick up the pieces when he breaks their hearts. Judge Judy tells couples "You have to love your children more than you hate each other" Try be strong for their sake.Don't waste another day being bitter over his actions. Love your children and just do your best.,that is all any of us can do.

Answer 5

I wouldn't tell him that, unless you are currently trying to get out of a romantic relationship with him. You can still love someone and not be a good parent. You are right to tell the kids that he loves them. Saying bad things about him to the kids will only damage their view of you later on. As the parent they rely on, I'd turn my attention on the kids & ignore the dad situation. Make sure you have full custody, if dad makes no effort to visit, oh well.

Answer 6

His day will come and you don't worry, you won't have to do a thing to make him feel or get what he deserves. The bible talks about the man who doesn't take care of his own. It says it will be worse for them in the day of judgement than one with an anvil linked to his ankle and thrown in the sea. Before you call me a bible thumper, just get the image and leave it all in the hands of your Creator, girl. Don't speak poorly of him to your sons, but otherwisely DISTANCE yourself emotionally from him if you haven't already and your life will prosper.

p.s. he loves them in his own way bless his sorry heart

Answer 7

As a mom myself and being divorced from my children's father (I have three kids - two are grown, one is home) - you NEVER tell your children that their father is a bum - EVER. Why? Because you will be hurting the piece of them that is him and you would never want to hurt your children. It will hurt them more than you can know. When they are grown and understand what is what, they will remember you telling them only good things about him and you will shine in their eyes- they will see for themselves what he is. When they ask questions like, "why don't I ever see daddy", tell them, "he's unable to see you right now" - meanwhile, you want to rip his heart out for neglecting his kids but keep that part to yourself. My two older children (in their 20's have been hurt by their father over and over and finally just recently, have washed their hands of him - they found out on their own and came to their own decision on their terms). Just know it all comes out in the wash eventually.

Answer 8

dont tell your kids he is a bum - their to young to understand and i think telling them that daddy doesnt love them will hurt them more then their relationship now.

get full custordy of the kids if you can, then deny all contact with them till he starts paying up, if he never does which is most likly wont, when the kids are a little bit older , tell them

Answer 9

Take him to court for child support. No need to tell him you loathe him, it's not worth the effort on your part. As far as your children, tell them that their Daddy loves them but can't always show it. Do everything in your power not to badmouth their father in front of them.

He may not deserve to be their father, but they deserve all the effort he extends. When they're older, they can choose for themselves how much they want to be involved with him.

It sucks but take the high road for the sake of your boys.

Answer 10

I honestly feel that you shouldn't even have to say anything to him. Do not drop down to his level. Continue to let him see his little boys if you like. If it were me I would show him I don't need him and show him how I have rasied my boys without his help. Find you a good man that is willing to help you with your boys and then just leave him alone.