In- law Feud for the holidays?

Question

A male co-worker of mine talks to me sometimes about his relationship with his wife (only when he becomes frustrated). I only listens to him for I try to stay out of people marital problems. Last week, he came to me about an issue that left me a little stunned. His wife does not get along with any of his family. She talks negatively about them to him. His wife's family is coming to their home for Christmas which was o.k with him. Last week he told his wife that his family will be coming to their home for Christmas also because they are in another state and want to spend time with him. Well his wife response was "oh no, well I am only cooking for my family. I don't know what your family is going to eat". He is at the end of his rope. In a situation like this, what would you tell your spouse of significant other who behaved this way towards your family.

I am not taking sides with either my male co-worker or his wife. As I stated before, I only lend my ear. I was justing asking a question just to get input because things like these happens during the holidays.

Answer 1

Actually, I would have asked if my spouse minded first. That way there are no surprises. Sounds like both of them need to grow up. Her answer is a childish response because she does not like his family. She should cook for everyone. But of course, he should have asked first.

Answer 2

As someone already stated, this is childish behavior. Why would you only cook for your family when other people will be there? To me that's very childish. Regardless what what said to the wife, they are ALL adults and should be able to talk things out. Apparently her husband wants his family around also for the holidays. Since she made that comment, he should jump in and cook food for his family. I think that is mighty stupid to have enough food for one family and the other family sit and look. I tell ya' people need to grow.

Answer 3

I wouldn't put up with anyone bad mouthing my family. If I had a spouse that told me something like that, I'd tell them my family will be here and when they leave to go back home, I'm going with them.

Answer 4

Well for one thing, nothing cuz you don't know the whole story & you are only getting his side. The wife may have valid reasons for not liking his family & may have suggested he could spend some time around the holidays with his family. He could be refusing to spend time alone with his family to make her look bad for not wanting to also. He is a big boy & they don't have to meet at his house to visit if there will be dissension. After all this is HER home (that she takes care of) & she shouldn't have to leave it to avoid them. But since they all have their own homes they can stay at, he should visit them at their home. There's no purpose mingling with people that you don't get along with because more than likely you won't get along any better for it & they'll just have more bad-mouthing to do after cuz they don't like each other.

Yea, well, what if they bad-mouthed & did disrespectful things to her? They lie & deny it & hubby let's them play the fecious game. There are such things as "in-laws from you know where!" It isn't always the in-laws that are right! Spouses are suppose to come first. After all, she's the one that keeps the home & takes care of him. If he wants to put his other family that he doesn't live with first, then he should go live with them & let them do for him as she does!

Yes, this is common stuff to happen around the holidays. And it's common for people to get close at work & not just talk work related. But this is also how rumors start. It's too bad that he can't just confide in his family or his wife & leave strangers (not strangers but un-involved people) out of it. They are all big adults & I am sure that they can find some compromise like the one I suggested above. I am not trying to come off hard as if people should not get close at work, cuz we've ALL been there. Don't know what the answer is. I'm glad your level headed enough just to not get too involved! {hug}

(He probably has marital probs cuz he likes to talk to everyone but his wife. You say this guy only talks to you when he gets frustrated, but a good/respectful husband knows how to talk to his WIFE when he gets frustrated. -not a coworker! He can open up better to someone else, that's a prob. Maybe he just likes to create drama & use his wife to be popular around other people. Cuz you know how everyone loves it when people share supposively personal info. Some men do that to get other women to feel sorry for them cuz they like the extramarital hanky -panky. Or they like to try & create close inappropiate relationships with others. (Obviously this isn't the case. But it's rampant everywhere! You can hear employees talking personal stuff with other employees while they are on the job everywhere!) And it's not that they can talk better to other people other than spouse, it's that they CHOOSE to because they are very disrespectful & looking to use their wives & their relationship with their wives for other agendas. -like entertaining others with their B.S.! Makes 'em popular cuz of the soap opera drama they create. You know, give 'em something to talk about. People LOVE to have something to talk about. :) Plus, if you get people to feel sorry for you, they are soo sympathetic & so nice to you, huh? You know of some of the public break-ups of celeb marriages? Well, at the beginning, I bet there was deep talks, etc to make 'em feel close, then after the excitement wears off (which seems to be 3 years tops -if they are together constantly/living together- for people these days!) they start getting buddy buddy with others. Then the whole relationship goes belly up! I also feel that if spouses didn't think it was okay to have a really close relationship w/someone else too, other than their own spouse, they'd be better off for it. Cuz everyone wants to have a really close relationship w/someone. If someone's not willing to give that to them outside of their relationship, they'd direct it towards their spouse like they are suppose to. Your spouses are suppose to be your best friends & confidants not someone else. :( The more that they are able to disrespect their relationships & not be true, the further they will drift apart. If you can't find a close relationship somewhere else, you'll make one out of the one you have. JMHO. :)