What are some funny quotes?

Question

from the movie "A Christmas Story"?
or any quotes from it?

Answer 1

Here ya' go....a whole slew of them...and be careful with that bb gun!


"The heavenly aroma still hung in the house. But it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches! No turkey salad! No turkey gravy! Turkey Hash! Turkey A La King! Or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, ALL GONE! "
- Ralphie as Adult


"Scut Farkus! What a rotten name! There he stood, between us and the alley. Scut Farkus staring out at us with his yellow eyes. He had yellow eyes! So, help me, God! Yellow eyes! "
- Ralphie as Adult


"Be sure to drink your Ovaltine. Ovaltine? A crummy commercial? Son of a *****!"
- Ralphie


"Sons of bitches! Bumpuses! "
- Mr Parker


"Over the years I got to be quite a connossieur of soap. Though my personal preference was for Lux, I found that Palmolive had a nice, piquant after-dinner flavor - heavy, but with a touch of mellow smoothness. Life Buoy, on the other hand... YECCHH! "
- Ralphie as Adult


"It was all over - I was dead. What would it be? The guillotine? Hanging? The chair? The rack? The Chinese water torture? Hmmph. Mere child's play compared to what surely awaited me."
- Ralphie as Adult


"Only I didn't say "Fudge." I said THE word, the big one, the queen-mother of dirty words, the "F-dash-dash-dash" word! "
- Ralphie as Adult


"I have since heard of people under extreme duress speaking in strange tongues. I became conscious that a steady torrent of obscenities and swearing of all kinds was pouring out of me as I screamed. "
- Ralphie as Adult


"Football? Football? What's a football? With unconscious will my voice squeaked out 'football'.A football? Oh no, what was I doing? Wake up, Stupid! Wake up! "
- Ralphie as Adult


"No! No! I want an Official Red Ryder Carbine-Action Two-Hundred-Shot Range Model Air Rifle! "
- Ralphie


"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out, Kid"
- Santa


"I TRIPLE dog dare ya!"
- Schwartz


"Stuck? Stuck. It's Stuck. It's STUCK!!!"
- Flick


"Holy cow! It's the fire department!"
- Boy in School


"Daddy's gonna kill Ralphie!"
- Randy


"Or, it could be a bowling alley!"
- Mr. Parker


"Would you stop playing with your food, or I'll give you something to cry about!"
- Mr. Parker


"It 'twas... soap poisoning."
- Ralphie


"You used up all the glue... on purpose!"
- Mr. Parker


"Fra-gee-lay. It must be Italian."
- Mr. Parker


"I can't get up. I can't get up! I can't get uuup!"
- Randy


"Oooh ffffuuudge!"
- Ralphie


"Be a good boy. Show mommy how the piggies eat!"
- Mrs. Parker


"Only one thing in the world could've dragged me away from the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window."
- Old Ralphie


"Meatloaf, smeatloaf, double beatloaf, I hate meatloaf!"
- Randy


"Oh...fuuuudge... Only I didn't say 'fudge'. I said THE word; the queen mother of all dirty words -- the F-dash-dash-dash word!"
- Ralphie, Narrator


"Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra!"
- Waiters at restaurant


"NOTTAFINGA!"
- Mr. Parker


"He looks like a derranged Easter Bunny."
- Mr. Parker


"Leave me alone....I'm uh......thinking."
- Ralphie as a kid


"Now I know that some of you put Flick up to this, but he has refused to say who. But those who did it know their blame, and I'm sure that the guilt you must feel would be far worse than any punishment you might receive. Now, don't you feel terrible? Don"
- Miss Shields


"I want a red rider 200 shot carbine action range model air rifle with a compass and this thing which tells time built right in the stock."
- Ralphie


"Mother: Ralphie, what would you like for Christmas? Adult Ralphie: Horrified, I heard myself blurt it out. Ralphie: I want an offical Red Rider carbine action two hundred shot range model air rifle. "
- Adult ralphie, Mother, Ralphie


"You used up all the glue on purpose."
- Old Man


"In the heat of battle, my father wove a tapestry of obscenity that as far as we know, is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan."
- Adult Ralphie

Answer 2

i have a few for you [: We all can't be heroes. Somebody has to sit on the sides and clap as they go by. Don't follow in my footsteps, because I run into a lot of walls. This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way. McDonald’s announced they will be adding 25 percent more beef to their hamburgers. As a result, McDonald’s hamburgers will now feature 25 percent beef.” A new study by the American Medical Association shows that having sex does not trigger a heart attack — it’s getting caught having sex that triggers the heart attack.” Men are like outhosues. All the good ones are taken and all the bad ones are full of crap Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. hope these helped [:

Answer 3

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, that's why its called the present

Answer 4

You'll shoot your eye out!