Hello,
I have a question, and please tell me what you all think: My husband and I were married about 9 months ago. The day of our wedding, I was in the church, in a room with my sister, and she was helping me change into my gown. My fiance came up the steps, knocked on the door, and I ran to the other side of the room (the door had a window in it) so he wouldn't see me. My sister, slightlly panicked, forcefully said, "You! Out!" to him, as if she was talking to a small child. (She has two young toddler-age sons). After he left the area, I resumed getting ready to make my grand entrance at the church. When I did see my fiance at the church, after exclaiming over my gown, he whispered, 'Your sister really hurt my feelings.' I I said him it was just her style to be blunt, don't take it personally. I thought that was the end of it. After all this time, he mentioned it again, saying that it was one of the main memories he had. This hurt me-it was so trivial. Or am I being insensitive now?
2006-12-13 08:15:57 · 28 answers · asked by midwestdweller1 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I personally think he needs to get over it. That was HIS wedding day and he was marrying YOU. I mean, your sister shouldn't have impacted his day at all. And he *shouldn't* have seen you in your gown before the ceremony! I don't know what to suggest, but I certainly don't think you're being insensitive, he's being overly sensitive.
2006-12-13 08:19:09 · answer #1 · answered by eurekablyth 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Well you never know what can be so meaningfull to people and seems it was that for him. It is sad that it s his main memory.. but at this point i don't think you can do anything, tell your sister and see if you could talk it out with him. Once that is fixed he'll remember all the great things about the wedding.
Usually when you have something bothering you it ruins everything else until it's settled even if it's after years..!
2006-12-13 08:21:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is he being a bit over-sensitive? yes, but he also does have a point. While your sister probably didn't mean it to come out that way, it did, and remember, weddings make everyone's emotions run high. If your not used to being spoken to like he was, I could see how it was a killjoy on his special day. Maybe he is feeling like his feelings didn't matter on a day that you expect to feel nothing but joy. Have you told him what happened from your point of view? He's obviously feeling unresolved emotions if he is still mentioning it. Just validate his feelings by telling him you understand, but that there were so many other great moments, why harp on the negative? I feel bad for him that it was one of his main memories though ...such a shame.
2006-12-13 10:55:39 · answer #3 · answered by MelB 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She spoke to him like he was a naughty child, how humiliating for him. He is a man, your man, and you should have said to your sister at the time ,excuse me! He could have been trying to tell you something important! It was also his day, I would suck up big time and say how very wrong your sister was, regardless of her being a mum to young toddlers. I have six children from the ages of seven to twenty-three and when I speak to them no matter what I do it on their age level.
If you dont want to confront your sister about this leave it alone with her, but stand by your husband with his feelings, and next time your sister has an outburst pull her up.
Sisters and brothers are for ever, husbands and wives need work to hold it together (good work that is) he needs your support and understanding put yourself in his shoes, how would you feel if it happened to you, sit with this feeling before going and talking to him about it, I am sure you will know what to say then.
2006-12-13 08:34:23 · answer #4 · answered by Bev J 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Men (and women) can be a little funny about these types of things. I think it's overreacting, personally. I could picture someone saying "You-Out!", it's just kind of a knee-jerk reaction for some, I suppose. Not my style, but just kind of a reaction. Has she done or said anything since then to further hurt your husband's feelings? It's really just a comment made that really didn't mean anything.
Just a thought... talk to your sister. Seems you two must be close enough to be able to discuss this. Just let her know that for some reason this sort of hurt your husband's feelings and it would help if she explained why she said it. Maybe that will clear things up?
2006-12-13 08:25:51 · answer #5 · answered by PT&L 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I can see him feeling like a scolded child about it, I would...but it's about time to let things go! 9 months? And one of the main memories he had was of that? LOL...forget seeing you in your gown, saying your vows, your first kiss and dance as husband & wife, good times with friends and family....his main memory is being scolded?! Silly, silly. Some men are pretty sensitive though. Don't harp on it too much, just listen to him grumble and be understanding...but he really should let it go already.
2006-12-13 08:21:30 · answer #6 · answered by Rach 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i do not imagine i'd be mad yet i'd be harm and probably carry a grudge. even if i'm no longer on the point of a few relations, if others who were both appropriate were invited and in no way myself it truly is like a slap contained in the face. even even with the reality that i'm no longer on the point of lots of my cousins (a number of them being a lot older than me) i'd have felt undesirable inviting some cousins and in no way others so invited all of them, understanding that maximum of my cousins isn't able to go back anyhow and that i does no longer assume them to. when you consider that i'd wish they'd invite me, i visit ask them. it truly is finally as a lot as you, even with the reality that, and there are a kind of motives one would chosen to exclude particularly some human beings.
2016-11-26 01:23:25 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NO, you are not being insensitive, he is being oversensitive. It was just a minor detail of the day first off all, and the fact that he has made that his primary memory shoudl be insulting to you at the very least. How does that little sour moment rank over the vows you exchanged, the first kiss, the dances, etc? It sounds like he is being a little childish and selfish.
2006-12-13 10:00:44 · answer #8 · answered by Chrys 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't judge who is being trivial, insensitive or anything else. Just validate his feelings, because that is what he is sharing.
Listen to what he is saying to you: "I am hurt." Respond with compassion and love, something like "Oh honey that must have been awful for you." Be sincere in what you say and he will open up, and then begin to put closure on it. There is nothing you can fix, nothing to judge, just listen to him and acknowledge his emotion.
Even if 99.99% of us would have shrugged this off, he didn't. He is looking for validation from you that his feelings are important. Feelings are never wrong or right. You're only nine months into your marriage. Trust me, you will get lots of practice at this. :)
2006-12-13 08:31:49 · answer #9 · answered by blondelemur 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I agree. No, you are NOT being insensitive and yes, that was very trivial.
Everyone knows that grooms aren't supposed to see their bride on the wedding day. Your sister was just going along with this. With my sister's tone and mouth, he'd better be happy it wasn't her! :-)
Let him know that you think this is an overeaction and just move on.
Good Luck :-)
2006-12-13 08:58:12 · answer #10 · answered by D M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋