You think you got it bad? All night long I deal with soot in the chimneys, smelly socks, cross dogs, getting shot at, mistaken for a stork, driving all night in the snow - damn near got killed by a 747. Mrs. Clause is pissed off cause I got in so late.
Donner and Blitzen and Rudolph got the shits over Albuquerque and you should see my suit. The damn elves won't clean the sleigh unless I pay them double time.
I'm so sick of cookies and milk, I could vomit. The only highball I had all night was when I slipped getting out of my sleigh.
My prostate is giving me hell. I peed my pants at 20,000 feet and froze my *** to the seat. I'm allergic to pine needles. I itch all over and I think my hemorrhoids are back.
HO! HO! HO! A very MERRY CHRISTMAS, my ***!
Santa
2006-12-13 08:11:35 · 13 answers · asked by Cowboy 4 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
lol and a merry christmas to you Clint !!!!!
2006-12-13 17:29:51 · answer #1 · answered by Shredder 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was p*ssed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks.
I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my @ss for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady b*tches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those @ssholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't damn funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little sh*ts
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Falling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat @ss and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season
2006-12-13 08:21:21 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's amazing how many puppies are for sale at the holidays. I know for a fact the even shelters hate the holidays, because they are weary of why people are adopting. They don't want to adopt a dog out to a family, when the novelty will wear away after Christmas. Adoption of a pet is a life long journey. Legit: Yes, my dog has a stocking that is hung with the rest of the family : )
2016-05-23 20:17:20 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Excellent lol, Merry Christmas
2006-12-13 08:16:25 · answer #4 · answered by richard_beckham2001 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Merry Christmas dude!!
2006-12-13 08:18:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
So retire already!! You can fire those d*** elves and shoot the reindeer, put the meat in your freezer. File for unemployment and get your social security. And that fat old wife could get a job, I'm sure..
Hey old fella, you deserve it.. take a break.
2006-12-13 08:33:38 · answer #6 · answered by scrubbag 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Poor you!.....wouldn't swap with you for the world roflmao!
Merry Christmas Santa.
2006-12-13 08:17:29 · answer #7 · answered by crazeeladee no more 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good lmao 10/10
2006-12-13 08:15:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Haha!...thanks for the giggle..xxx
2006-12-13 08:14:52 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i still got it worse fat man! have fun freezing ur *** to ur tacky sleigh and remember the *** **** coal's for my brother not me!
~ **** christmas
2006-12-13 09:39:05 · answer #10 · answered by santaz_lil_slacker 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋