My four yr old son, says and does somethings that really worry, no scare me!!!!?

Question

He tries to choke himself with his blanket, and he says that everyone hates him. He asked me to take him to see his dad, when we left he said how come my dad doesn't like me? I was so overwhelmed I made a u-turn and when I got to his house I barely stopped but it was long enough for my son to see his dad holding his other son who is a little older up in his arms. I saw my son through the rear view mirror, he saw that, put little head down, asked me to please take him home. And after his bath, that's when I found him, standing behind a door trying to choke himself wtih his blanket. When I found him of course I immediately stoped him and held him and asked him why, why would he do that. And he said his dad has a boy, that he's not his boy. And thats the last thing in the world. Theres question about the other boys father, but not mine. The other girl has forced herself and her son on the dad. And maybe thats where I have gone wrong, i think its the dads resp to build the relation not me

what i wanted to ask was should i get the dad involved? personnal i think its a result of his rejecting him.

Wow... I know I need extra help on this one I already have a doc's appt actually just waiting for it to be 1pm, but I was unsure if I should call the dad. Becouse I don't him to be involved if its not what he wants. My son has very positive men to look up to, my dad, my brother, but I haven't denied him his dad, maybe I should of.

I did tell the father, but he was at work at the moment and said he would call me back immediately, still waiting for him to call. I called but his mother said he's sleeping that she would leave him a note. This reaction is what has me in the middle about getting him involved. He says he loves my son, but this tell me something else. But when it comes to the other boy he's there with bells on his feet. Perphaps i need to nag??? My son is my concern and the problem is this man, I just don't know how to control or get him to do what i ask.

Answer 1

Let him know that parents are merely vehicles for someone to come into the world. It is an extra blessing if the vehicles who we call parents love the child but it's not always like that. Tell him he must be very special because despite the way it might seem right now, God really wanted him to be here. If there are any positive males in your life like brothers, uncles, grandfather, boyfriend, etc. they should rally around him and show him that he is loved. Show him that you love him and tell him everyday. I know what he is going thru because I had a Mother that didn't want me but I had aunts who helped me thru it. He is hurting, that is why he thinks that he is hated, especially when he see's the man he calls Father embracing another child and it is not him. Let him know that he is loved and that he is special. God says so, that is why he was born.

Answer 2

Get help soon. Try to see a counselor. Your little boy needs some help. He appears to be emotionally very hurt and in great need of a father.

Hey, I don't know how good of a father his dad is. If I were you, I'd try to tell his dad about it and see how he reacts. You will see if he cares about him or not and then, go from there.

If he does, he will be willing to get involved in his child life and first off, go with the two of you to a counselor and see how things can be put back into place for your son's (and his son) sake.

Hang on there, your child will be just fine. For now, give him lots of kisses and hugs and remind him how much you love him.

Answer 3

I know no one wants to hear this, but I would keep your son as far away from his father as possible until you can get some straight answers out of the dad. As a mother, you only want positive, helpful, admirable people influencing your son. If the visits your son has with his father are this detrimental to his self-esteem, I would rather sacrifice a parental bond than an innocent child's life.

Steps to take:
Reassure your son how special, fun, loved and blessed he is. Get some positive male forces working in his life and spend copious amounts of quality time with him reinforcing his self-esteem.

Talk to the father. Make it short and sweet. If he seems to have no concern that your son is acting this way, then it's his loss and the best you can do is protect your son from selfish jerks like that. If he does seem concerned, ask him to help and supervise their visits until you feel comfortable.

Get professional help if you feel the situation is not resolved very soon. I would not jump to conclusions or freak out too much in front of your son or make too big a deal out of this with him. Children are very sensitive and they will react to your emotions quicker than you may think.

I hope this helps. Good luck and keep us posted.

Answer 4

wow, this sounds like you need to get your son's pediatrician involev as well as the father. If there is something that needs to be done, hopefully you're pediatrician can refer you to either family counseling or a child psychiatrist because these actions and thoughts are your child's way or crying out for help and understanding. Have you told your childs father? What has he said/done to resolve this? if nothing, then you might need to get the law involved. Does your son have any other male role models or figures in his life? That added with a mentor might resolve his issues for now, but he probably will always have resentment towards his father for his actions. I would watch him carefully until you reach a reasonable diagnosis from his doctor. I have a degree in Sociology so please don't just let your son suffer!

Answer 5

As a mom, I feel your pain. You should take your son to a therapist immediately. You should also talk to his father and inform him of your son's feelings and actions. Maybe he should go to a therapist with your son. There may be some issues that can be easily resolved. Last but certainly not least, give your son lots of attention to help him through this. He needs to know that you love him. I am sure you do or you would not be concerned enough to post this information.

Answer 6

Tell your son not to hurt himself because you love him so much and don't want him hurt. If his dad cannot make special time for him occassionally then get another man in his life. Any male friend or relative that you trust to be a good example. If your son continues to attempt self-injury DON'T OVERREACT. In fact try to ignore that behavior while at the same time keeping an eye on him. Make sure he is getting plenty of attention. Play games with him. Sing songs in the car with him. Build a gingerbread house and let him help decorate it. Good luck.

Answer 7

Getting the Dad involved with your son, (his son) would be a wonderful thing. Unfortunately you can not force your boy's father to get involved with him. Financially and legally you can get him involved. Emotionally that is something he must want to do. For the sake of your son I hope he does. You might want to consider counseling right away while he is 4 years old...the sooner you nip this problem in the bud the better. Best of luck to you all.

Answer 8

I going to back up everyone else here on this question....your child needs to see a psychologist or psychiatrist to help him through this. Get a recommendation from your pediatrician and then take him immediately. And, no, I would not involve the ex just yet - he's part of the problem. In fact, you may want to consult the psychologist/psychiatrist on this; they may want to involve him on their own time. Good luck. I really feel for your son.

Answer 9

I'm sorry to say this ... but get your son some help now ... before it gets out of hand and you can't control it anymore ... get him some counseling ... I hate councilors but it really sounds to me like you have a real problem here ... he feels worthless & if he's feeling that at 4 - imagine a few years down the road ... that is scary & I'm not sure what I would do if my 4 yr old daughter did that ... talk to some teachers or something and find out what type of programs they offer ... the issue between him & his dad sounds like it needs to be take care of ... soon ... good luck & I hope you get a few good answers on here ... !

Answer 10

I think psychiatrists are dangerous, but I definitely agree that you should get some immediate counseling for the child. Just be careful. It's AGAINST THE LAW for anyone to threaten to kill them self. They will put him in an institution if you're not careful who you take him to. Go to someplace like a church counselor or someone you know that you can trust. My ex is bi-polar, and when he told the neurologist that he had thoughts of killing himself, the man said he'd get back to him, but instead he called the police and they came and took him in handcuffs.
Your baby needs love and some deep christian values instilled quickly. If you decide to date anyone yourself, please make sure that they love your little boy, and treat him like he's precious to them. Make him feel like he's your whole world. And PLEASE by all meens, give discipline and direction. Don't be affraid to tell him that hurting himself is wrong! How else will he know? Good Luck and I'll be praying for you.