she asks what size clothes i wear, that if i continue to eat that way i'm going to get as big as a house. but she says these things in a very mean critical way and then laughs about it and does not stop.where i come to the point to just throw my lunch in the garbage. its very embarassing for me because other coworkers are listening. oh and she is thin of course.
2006-12-13 06:49:49 · 30 answers · asked by readytopounce1961 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
ask her if her husband has stopped cheating on her yet.
seriously, thats harassment and should be reported to HR and her manager.
2006-12-13 06:52:29 · answer #1 · answered by Kutekymmee 6 · 11⤊ 0⤋
Well complain to your manager. Tell your manager she is harrasing you to the point that you do not even want to eat your lunch because she tells you you are to fat to eat basically. The little twig should get a talking to for it. If it were me i would probably start insulting her..You can do that if you like..think about one thing that is her weakness..like are her clothing cheap ? if so tell her to buy some decent ones because she looks like a bag lady, what are some weird quirks...does she have a tacky hair do? Find something to degrade her with so she can see how it feels. Or else you can find a time when you are both alone and then say to her that it is unacceptable the way she speaks to you when you are eating lunch, and that if she does not stop you will be complaining to a higher up and you have witnesses who will agree with what your saying. Or you can just be nasty and slice her tires leaving her stranded after work and footing the expensive bill of new tires. I would probably do that as the very last resort if nothing else worked and then id wink at her when she bitched about it. She couldnt prove anything or even slander you saying you did it because that is illigal unless she has evidence and then mabye shed shut her big mouth.
as a note complaining to the higher ups does not always work..i worked in a hostile environment once...it was all directed to this one girl..complaint after complaint did not stop the abuse to her from this other co-worker.
2006-12-13 07:03:09 · answer #2 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is she trying to help or trying to embarass you?
If she is actually trying to help, in her own misguided & insensitive way, then find a moment and take her aside privately adn let her know that you appreciate that she is trying to help, but she is also embarassing you in front of other co-workers. Ask her nicely to please stop and that if she would like to spend time with you at lunch that you guys will have to talk about something else. Be calm, sincere and friendly....if she was really trying to help, if you approach her with a negative attitude it may just whip up very unfriendly feelings and be the start of an uncomfortable animosity that you will have to face every day at work.
However, if there is any chance she is doing this to belittle or intentionally embarass you, you need to pull out your employee handbook. Above the standard anti-discrimination policy, most employers now include a "Productive Work Environment" policy (or something similar), which states that an employer will not allow conduct by an employee that creates an intimidating, offensive or hostile environment for another employee. Get yourself a little tape recorder that can be easily concealed and endure another week of her harassment so that you can get it on tape. The following week approach her, let her know that you will not continue to tolerate her creating an unpleasant work environment fro her and that if it doesn't cease immediately, you will approach managment regarding the productive work environment policy. If she continues or makes things worse, follow-through with your threat. Go to human resources or upper management. Tell them that although yu have a weight issue, it is not an excuse for you to be hurt and harassed in the workplace. Remind them that they have a productive work environment policy in place, play the tape recordings and then ask them to do soemthing about the violation of their policy.
They should call her in to the office, remind her of the policy, tell her to stop and warn her than any further actions or retaliation will not be tolerated and could result in her termination.
If your employer does not have a policy in place, then approach them anyway. Thye should not tolerate teh abuse of their employees.
If your employer fails to protect you from such harassment, seek legal counsel, especially if they have a policy in place. However, legal guidance should only be consulted after you have approached your co-worker and then your employer in a calm and mature fashion and have failed to get results that would allow you to work in peace again. If you do get legal counsel, go for an attorney that is familiar with employer law....the case can be approached from many levels, so you want someone who is experienced.
Good luck...sorry to hear you are going through this. People can be so cruel and insensitive. However, remember that it is not a bad thing to try and get healthy (healthy does not mean skinny), so use this experience as a catalist to get you going in the right direction as far as your personal health goes too. It sounds like you are hurt and embarassed by your weight problem. Go visit a doctor and take steps to remoe that obstacle in your life too.
2006-12-13 07:11:07 · answer #3 · answered by nexgenjenith 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your size is none of her business. Unfortunately the society we live in has lost all manners and boundaries. I would simply approach her (outside of the lunch room and privately). Inform her in the most calm way possible that her behavior is inappropriate and is harrassment and if it does not cease then you will be forced to take action, i.e. going to her boss, HR, whomever. Crying or being visibly upset will only let her know that she is winning. Be calm. Do not throw out your lunch, do not let her win. She is a bully. You are entitled to a peaceful lunch. I don't care if you are eating a salad or a bucket of chicken, she has no right to do this to you!!! Best wishes from another "Big" girl!!
2006-12-13 07:04:05 · answer #4 · answered by YadaYada 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I hate that someone is actually doing that to you. It seems that some people never mature beyond high school, and that's a combination of very scary and very sad.
I would agree with the majority of people here who are saying that you need to report her. Nobody at all should have to put up with that kind of harassment at work.
Above all, keep your head up and don't let someone else dictate how you feel about yourself. I know that's much easier said than done, but she's the one with issues...not you. Good luck!
2006-12-13 07:13:00 · answer #5 · answered by Hope B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is fairly redundant, as many people have said much the same, but you really ought to file a complaint, because it truly is harassment. That sort of behavior has consequences. Nobody has a right to say things like that to others, and it's particularly objectionable in a work environment where, presumably, people are meant to act like adults rather than adolescent bullies.
2006-12-13 08:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by Dorian V. 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
No doubt in my mind that this person has their own self esteem issues. If the didn't, the would be courteous. If it comes on that bad that they need to lash out, take them down a notch. tell them that if they need to criticize you in front of people, then they must be hiding their own malfunction. Is she VERY thin? Perhaps a different eating disorder? What do her teeth look like? If they are bad, perhaps she is malnourished. Thin people have their own set of issues and the ones who lash out are hiding something.
2006-12-13 07:11:07 · answer #7 · answered by oceanblue_007 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is harassment in the workplace. Tell her to stop as you will be reporting her. Talk to human resources and your manager. That should stop it, but if HR and your boss don't do anything, tell them that you are going to file a harassment lawsuit against them. This is considered creating a "hostile environment".
This woman needs to get a life. Ugh! I'm so sorry you have had to experience this.
2006-12-13 06:59:16 · answer #8 · answered by C C 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's harrassment, and a hostile work environment. It also prevents you from eating your lunch, so that you can be nourished and alert enough to do your work. Your boss should be happy to know about this. Please report this woman. Better yet, if you document her harrassment for about a week (just start writing down everything mean she says, verbatim if possible, along with the dates and times) you will have something concrete to show your boss.
2006-12-13 14:25:00 · answer #9 · answered by Heidi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one...I am sorry that you would have to go through that everyday. Just ignore her, she is obviously unhappy with herself otherwise she wouldn't be trying to make herself feel better by picking on you. Just try your best not to give her any reaction, I know it hurts though, but that is what she wants. I wouldn't even eat lunch anywhere near her, and I can't believe that your co-workers just sit there an listen and don't stick up for you, that is just rude. I also would just report her to your supervisor/boss, that is just unacceptable behavior. You should have to put up with that. Just be strong and don't let her win.
2006-12-13 07:10:10 · answer #10 · answered by hurley_gurl_10 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I agree with most people on here - report her to the HR manager first, and to her manager as well as yours. Put it in writing - make a paper trail. If nothing is done about it, contact a lawyer, as well as HRDC and BBB (if you are in Canada).
THIS IS HARRASSMENT!
Who cares what size clothes you wear anyway? I'm sure you are beautiful - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Women aren't supposed to be rail-thin.
2006-12-13 07:01:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋