So I started going out with a guy early November, he seems to be a bit depressed, his mother dies last December, and he has a sick nephew, but he says December is more like a family month for him, and he just wants to be by himself. But I want to hang out with him! I dont want to be all about me, but basically he says lets wait til january, what would you do?
2006-12-13 06:16:46 · 5 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
It is the anniversary of his mother's death and he probably needs time to reflect on it this year. As time passes it will be easier for him to spend time with others but the first year can and is usually very difficult. Let him know that you would like to spend time with him but do not be pushy. Also inform him that you are there for him should he decide that he may want to talk about what he is feeling. Please do not take this personally as he probably does not want to bring your Christmas down with how he is feeling so enjoy your season and try and get things back on track next month if he needs to wait till then. Merry Christmas.
2006-12-13 06:26:54 · answer #1 · answered by crazylegs 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either he really wants the time to himself, or, and this is my suspicion, he wants to use this as an excuse to distance himself from you.
He may genually be depressed; however, he may also be thinking that this is not what he wants and he doesn't want to break-up with you right before Christmas and is making this excuse to do so and not have to do all the holiday things with you.
Thinking about it, one more thought in my head is that this guy thinks, "Wow. I have only been dating this girl a month and now we are at the holidays.... I don't even know where this is going."
He might think since you haven't been together really long that he wants to wait to introduce you to family, exchange gifts, etc. He may think, "I like her now, but do I really want to risk spending big money on someone that nothing may come out of???"
My advice on what to do would depend on what you think of him. Do you really like him? Are you not sure if this is going to last? If you like him wait until January and see what happens. Either he will come around or he will blow you off. If you aren't so sure that you are going to want to stay with him make sure that you let him know that this might not be working out.
Either way, good luck.
Laura
2006-12-13 06:50:34 · answer #2 · answered by Laura 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family or no family, telling you to wait means that he thinks that you need him so badly that you'll wait for an entire month (or more) until he feels like letting you into his life. This is really rude and you should just let it fizzle out and find someone else. It doesn't have to be all about one person (as he's making it to be), it's about two people and no one has to get the backseat, anyways his life isn't as bad as he may be selling it to you. Things could be a lot worse and he just needs to grow a pair and toughen up a bit.
2006-12-13 06:21:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait until January. If you're still in this relationship next December, you can deal with these issues then. In the meantime, if you meet someone else, he's out of luck.
2006-12-13 06:20:13 · answer #4 · answered by Roberta 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Respect his wishes. As you can see he is still grieving. If it is meant to be then January it is. If not, then move on and find a new guy.
You might want to suggest he seek counseling for his grief over his mother's death.
2006-12-13 06:22:40 · answer #5 · answered by Jay 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋