Ive been with my boyfriend for 6 months now and we are forever talking about getting married and having children. He is 19 and in the British Army and is currently based in Germany. I am 17 and still in full-time education. He has recently proposed and i said yes, but do you think its too soon, or are we too young, or does it even matter how old you are or how soon it is too get engaged? We both are really serious about eachother.
2006-12-13 05:48:35 · 43 answers · asked by SoldiersGirl 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Ask yourself these questions; Answer Honestly.
Am I willing to spend the next 75 years with him every day?
For you, right now, that would be more than four lifetimes.
Am I willing to be faithful to him and only him for the same 75 years?
Do I truly know what love is? Is it a feeling? an action? both?
Is it a mutual code of conduct, and a commitment to give of oneself to assist in anothers happiness?
Is an engagement an OK for sex or a true promise of now and future devotion to each other?
If an OK for sex as you'll be married soon, is the risk of losing the rest of your education and teenage freedom due to pregnancy worth the risk? You did say he's pushing for kid's.
Do you really understand what having a twenty four hour a day job, your emotionally attached to, for the next twenty to thirty years actually means?
Can you fathom the amount of choices this will limit for you?
Your answers will help you decide. Remember that you will both change over time and if you both can accept and live with the changes, without being a door mat, it can work.
Young marriages can last. Mine didn't, I married a 17 yr old girl when I was 18, I used marriage and engagement to sleep with her, when she got pregnant I did the right thing and married her. The marriage was for the wrong reason and it failed within a couple of years. I also have friends who married young and for love, a genuine care and concern for their partner, and when they both "acted" as well as felt this way, they've made it so far, one couple 27 yrs.
The success rate is low for young marriage, but both your honest commitments and a willingness to give to each other, not get from each other, will go a long way to making a happy home if and/or when you decide to marry.
Do the research to answer these questions, take your time, what you decide "WILL" change your life "FOREVER". Good or Bad.
Once you make a baby, you can never give it back, you may be able to give it up, or adopt it out, but you never stop caring no matter what happens. One last question;
Are you truly ready for the responsibilities that accompany running a family?
2006-12-13 06:48:19 · answer #1 · answered by Bob L 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you both have a great relationship. This is a good sign, as the longevity of marriage depends on this. However, by experience, being young you find that if you have not settled your life yet, it can put extreme pressure on your relationship and later marriage. i.e. getting your desired career established etc. If you both have direction for your lives, I'd say you're ready. But marriage is a commitment. People treat it without care and later divorce. Ask any divorsee, they'll tell you its painful. So think things through before taking that step, and ensure you really want to be together. And if you both feel ready and are prepared for that kind of commitment, go for it. Be happy, enjoy your lives together. Above all, don't ever feel rushed. Always give eachother room to breathe. Relationships flourish better when partners don't apply pressure on eachother. Enjoy eachother. Love wholeheartedly and you'll reap a fantastic marriage. Good luck!
2006-12-15 04:13:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Although some people at your age think they are ready and may possibly be you haven't even been dating a full year. What's your rush to get married ? wait until you know him completely so you don't get any surprises and you know that your ready. If your asking should i get engaged then your not ready or completely sure and you either want reassurance from other people that its OK or you want to be talked out of your engagement just give yourself time your still young and aren't even out of full time education yet stop trying to grow up so fast and learn to enjoy the time you have with each other. maybe your boyfriend is insecure and thinks the only way to keep you is a proposal if this is the case then reassure him that you still want to be with him but you would rather wait and know that you both can spend the rest of your lives together happily rather than resenting each other for settling down to quickly.
2006-12-13 06:03:13 · answer #3 · answered by Along the way we fell in love 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I noticed there were 43 answers before mine and I'm quite sure they all have good advice, but I opted not to read them and simply answer you with the best advice I can give you.
In life there are no absolute answers and no one has lived your life or knows who you are or what you are like. 17 will probably seem very young for most (for me too) but maybe it's the right time for you. none of us can know this.
Having said this, I will say that there is much to be said for "playing the field". Not that everyone should be hopping from bed to bed or anything like that but the last thing you want is to wake up 5 or 10 years from now and wonder what it can be like with others. It's exactly what happened to me and I am glad I took the steps I did and found out. You don't want this romance to end in a painful divorce or worse yet, you don't want to live your entire life wondering "what if".
If I were you I would not rush into marriage at your age. My wife would argue that if it's meant to be it will be no matter what you do, so I would put it on the back burner, explore and discover for a few years and if it is still strong and powerful in that time, then it was meant to be and will be.
good luck!
Avi
2006-12-13 17:26:27 · answer #4 · answered by avishtevi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well If you want to get married then you are more than likely going to... BUT I think that 17 is VERY young.. you have your whole life ahead of you.. Go to college, drink, party, hang out with your friend.. and be boyfriend/girlfriend!!!! Take your time.. make sure that he is THE ONE.. ya know.. i know that you may love him and think that you are ready for marriage.. but trust me.. 17 is very young!!! ... and just because you love him doesn't mean you guys have to get married... give each other some time to grow a little and maybe in 2-3 years if you are BOTH still very serious about it.. then talk about getting married...
GOOD LUCK !!!!! I wish you the best either way :-)
2006-12-13 07:09:56 · answer #5 · answered by laceylu555 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Only you can truely answer that question, but the very fact you feel the need to ask strangers is enough reason to have a long engagment and see what happens in the future.
Also do all the things you need to do for your future, finish your education and get where you want to go and then get married there really is no rush you guys have the rest of your lives together. After all life is too short to live with regrets!
2006-12-13 07:06:29 · answer #6 · answered by jumpin_jelly_cat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well, you both are a little young, but when you're ready, you're ready. How do you know? You just KNOW! And if you don't know, then you're not ready! Which I'm guessing you're not since you're asking this question. Being engaged is OK though--you can stay engaged until you feel you ARE ready to get married. It's a great way to promise yourselves to eachother without rushing into it! Just enjoy each other and take things as they come! You've got your whole lives together! I've been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and I continue to learn new things about him every day! There's no rush!
2006-12-13 06:03:31 · answer #7 · answered by should be working 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you are too young, and it's too soon. Not everyone you are infatuated with will make a good spouse. Give it some time. Finish school. I think, this is the kind of advice you will hear from just about everyone.
On the other hand - you've got plenty of time to make mistakes, and to correct them. I got married as soon as I turned 18. True, I got divorced a couple of years later. But this experience contributed to who I am today, and I don't regret taking this step when I did. I just got married again; I'm in my 30s, and it is certainly a more "informed" decision. But, if one's constantly afraid to make a mistake - one won't achieve much. Sometimes you do have to take risks, and it includes relationships.
2006-12-13 07:58:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No - you are too young. If you care about each other respect each other enough to continue the relationship without this. If it is still good enough when you are at least 21 then go for it. Believe it or not you can only make a mistake by jumping too soon - if you love each other enough to get engaged you love each other enough to stick together until you are 21.
2006-12-13 06:26:44 · answer #9 · answered by Chilli P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're much too young to get married. And what's the point of getting engaged unless you're setting a date to get married?
I know you're serious about each other. But it won't hurt to give it a year or 2 to make sure you both feel the same then.
Good luck.
2006-12-13 05:54:24 · answer #10 · answered by mcfifi 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋