i am a hurt lady?

Question

i could not face Thanksgiving because my Husband died on me after being married 33 years so how do i get though Christmas without messing up everyones day.because it hurt when you see your husband drop to the floor.

Answer 1

Well, your husband wouldn't want you to be miserable. You need to remember the wonderful things about your life together. Celebrate him instead of mourning him. Remember that right now he is watching over you and wanting you to feel good. Smile, have a drink to him, and laugh about the wonderful times you had. It's what you need, and what he would want. Go all out this year. Praise god for the time he gave you with your husband and promise to never let that spirit die. :-)

Answer 2

I am sorry for your loss and it is perfectly normal to grieve like this. Try to let his memory keep him alive in your heart. Be thankful for those 33 years and know that he is still here with you. You have the strength to make it through this. Ask your family for help if you need it. It will not mess up anyones day. You are hurt and rightfully so. It takes time to heal these wounds. You will always feel a sense of loss, that will never go away. But keep in mind that you will see him again one day. Do not be hard on yourself for mourning the loss of your husband. It is natural and neccessary.

Answer 3

Brenda H

I am sorry for your loss..:’(

Right now you are in the “abandonment stage”,,, (“he died on me…”) of a process you will have to work through. There will be many other stages, anger, loss, etc…..

To respond to seeing your husband when he died.. Listen to the following Very carefully!!

You and he obviously shared a long and (hopefully) wonderful life together! You were there for him when he needed you more than he ever needed you before in your lives together. And you were there. Death of a spouse is never easy,, but in so many cases the living spouse is never there,, they are told by, or find out through a 3rd person. So many times a spouse dies completely alone with no one there. No doubt your husband was greatly comforted in his final moments by, knowing you were there AND seeing you in his final moments. Try to accept your actually witnessing your husband die as a good thing. Facing life’s final moments completely alone can be horribly lonely.

Holidays are always (generally speaking) happy-family-togetherness type occasions and you will miss that this year and for several years to come. But, with time it will become easier, mainly because you have worked through your grief.

Grief is something you “work through” NOT get over, get past, or get around!! The latter dumb statements are complete AVOIDANCE of the grief process.

Until you do work through the grief process do every thing possible to focus on “one day at a time” Take each and every “step” with care and confidence that you are doing the very best for yourself. (regardless of the situation) TAKE PHYSICAL CARE OF YOURSELF DAILY. Read all you can about the process’ of death a person goes through. Don’t be afraid to find someone you trust to share your feelings with. Counselors are great but not always completely necessary,, a good friend, etc.. who is willing to listen can be as effective. Try to not let your grief emotions rule your daily life, (not easy but can be done) allow only a certain amount of “grief time” daily,, then try to focus on something/anything else. Kids? Grandkids?? try to focus on them as an example.

Right now you have lost ½ of your life, and you had absolutely zero control over that. This is a process of rebuilding you life into a complete life once again, not replacing the “hole” you now feel,, simply PATCHING that hole. It can be done- You can do it… it’s a process.. YOUR HUSBAND would want nothing less for you. He would want you to go on and have a happy full life even if he isn’t physically there to share it with you.

Answer 4

It's not that he just died on you.. he passed away and unfortunatly he is gone forever. i know you are sad and mourning, but you can't just push everything aside like things arent going to be okay. i know right now you think life is over for you, and things will never be okay. I assure you sooner than you think you will be okay with this and never forget your husband is watching over you still and with you. If you sit still you can probably feel his presents with you. Just try to relax and take all the mouring time you need. you do not have to be happy during the holiday times, there is no rule about it. People know it's a hard time for you. Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 5

Yes it hurts. You saw him die. He left you. But his spirit didn't leave, and you should celebrate his spirit. Gather the family and laugh, cry, whatever it takes. No one should expect anything of you this year, they probably want to help you, so why don't you make them feel better by allowing them to help you.
My grandfather has been telling me every year for a few years now that it may be his last Christmas. So I treat every Christmas like it is his last. We go all out. Think about those who are around you who love Christmas and want to make good memories, and let it happen. Focus on that.

Answer 6

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'd doubt being close to loved ones would ruin their Christmas. I would believe they want you to feel alright despite what they want. Be with family and friends, other love and support is what feels the best in a drastic time. My condolences.



Krazy Libra

Answer 7

Try to be around a supporting family. You do not want to be all day by yourself.
Just remember baby steps. Take this all one day, one step at a time.
Serving as a grief counselor, I suggest that you take your time in grieving, it is natural, and allow yourself to grieve.
Look in the phone book for a grief support group, and CALL them, immediately. This is a hard time, especially at this time of year, and do not be ashamed to ask for help.

Answer 8

FIRST I AM SORRY ABOUT YOUR LOSS, SECOND YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT YOUR HUSBAND WOULD WONT YOU TO BE HAPPY, HE WOULDNT WONT TO SEE YOU MISSING THE HOLIDAYS AND BEING SAD, I UNDERSTAND IT'S HARD BUT YOU HAVE TO TRY TO GO ON AND MAKE LIFE AS JOYOUS AS POSSIBLE WITH THE TIME REMAINING, YOU WILL SEE YOUR HUSBABND AGAIN AND HE WILL WONT TO HERE ABOUT ALL THE WONDERFUL THINGS THAT HE MISSED..

Answer 9

You need to enjoy the moment because you of all people should know life is precious and short!!

Answer 10

The greiving process takes time.Try reading about it. Look it up on the web.