Conflict regarding Christmas Eve and Christmas day!?

Question

IHello,
I am new to the site. I sure could us some insight or advice right now. My fiancée has 3 daughters and one lives at home and the other two do not. This is the conflict and I am unsure what to do. We have had alot of problems over the year we have been together. The last time we broke up, he told his kids almost every detail of our fights. Now, they do not want much to do with me. He has not told them that we are seeing each other again, and he is not ready to talk to them now even with the Christmas holiday approaching. He said he would loss creditability with his kids and he admits it was a mistake to tell them so much. My son lives with his dad and will not be with me Christmas, in fact I have no one hear expect him and I thought we would be spending it together. He does not want me to come over and spend it with him and his kids. He says he has to stay there the entire time, until they go home sometime Christmas day, and then he will come spend time with me. I am so hurt and I am unsure if I am not seeing this right, but it seems this is not away to treat someone you love and if I am being foolish to stay in such a relationship. I do love him but I am lost. I do not want to spend Christmas Eve alone and most of Christmas day. I asked him to at least come over for a couple hours Christmas Eve and he said he would not do that. Period I almost want to end our relationship because he giving his girls control over our relationship and do not know if it can get better?

Answer 1

You are foolish to stay in the relationship. You should leave it for his sake and his children. Focus on your son and yourself. Improve yourself so you don't have those issues you brought on in your next relationship.

Answer 2

If you are going to end this relationship do it because of the way he is treating you. You are not in a relationship with his kids. If he can not explain to them that he was emotional and said things about you that he did not mean, that is a bad sign. We all get upset about someone an blow things out of proportion at times. Not admitting to it is not only cruel but dishonest. Tell you fiancee that you want him to consider your spending a few hours with him and his family on the Eve. See if you can find a girlfriend to go with you as support and go for a few hours. Tell him that you consider any refusal as his way of ending the relationship. You are his family now too. He can't keep you stashed away and bring you out on display only when it is convenient. There is alot of time still left before Xmas start looking at alternative plans.
Do you belong to a church? How about just going to a midnight mass (if you are religious but do not have a church). If people ask you what you are doing tell them you have plans for Christmas Day ( and say that your fiancee has an awkward sit. with his family)but you are trying to figure out something for the Eve. Do not turn down invites.

Answer 3

I understand how you feel, but you are running a big risk by making this into a big drama scenario which could damage what is left of your relationship with your fiancee. Since you have had your past problems, it is probably best to cool it at least for this Christmas. Insisting upon injecting yourself into your fiancees Christmas thing especially when his daughters don't like you right now will just cause un needed drama and may make the bad feelings even worse. I do feel for you, but let this situation go....you can't "win" and even if you did the "victory" would come at a possible huge cost later on. On the other side of the coin, your bf/fiancee has some HUGE making up to do to you...Good Luck and I hope it works out for everyone.

Answer 4

Well, after reading this over twice, I think you have a bigger problem than what is suggested here. The problem is not so much what you are going to do for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, but what are you going to do for the rest of your life? Is there somewhere you have always wanted to visit, but never had the opportunity? Depending on where you live, just go away for the weekend, and let go and enjoy yourself as much as you can. You cannot spend your life trying to live through someone else. Be yourself, and maybe, just maybe, this fiancee may see you as someone he really wants to spend time with.
Merry Christmas anyway, and hope it all works out for you.

Answer 5

First.. Get over yourself.. Spending Christmas alone isn't the worst thing in the world.. Not even the top 10.

Next.. Get over him.. if he isn't willing ot tell his kids HE made a mistake, and you two are back together. To Quote someone or another.. "He just isn't that into you".

Take the Holliday for yourself, or Volunteer at a soup kitchen..

-HtJ

Answer 6

Sounds good to me. Now in my adulthood and before my marriage split, i'd rejoice on the twenty fifth that's well-known in England. even with the undeniable fact that, my grandmother replaced into Austrian and it truly is/replaced into Austrian custom to furnish Christmas presents on Christmas Eve. If memory serves that replaced into the day "Kristkindle" would come and that replaced into the large day at the same time as i replaced into starting to be up. In a small yet unintentional revert to old relations custom, transportation themes will ward off me from seeing my daughter on Christmas Day, even with the undeniable fact that, she is coming over on the twenty third and could be recieving her supplies you from my area of the relations on Christmas Eve.

Answer 7

My sister married a man she couldn't stand. She was always depressed. I said, why did you marry him? She said she didn't think she could get any better.

This person was beautiful. She could have gotten many men even though she was heavy.

http://hometown.aol.com/__121b_Pb4xgHfQFDWmBqDCF45Qo/I7hcTRw9ChF3uY9s3YiKRb9LKI4p6r9A==

That is the website I made for her. You can see she was good looking woman, just didn't believe it.

Be confident and look for someone else. Get the Christmas gift from that fool first. Then dump him.

Have a good one.

Answer 8

now that his children are grown, it is time for him to see them as adults and not as someone who needs to be protected. His girls need to be accepting that their father is fallable and that he can make mistakes. He needs to start thinking about your needs if he wants this relationship to work even if it means getting egg on his face.