How do you know when a cry of sexual abuse from a child is true? And what if it is against your child?

Question

I am beside myself right now. My brother called me this morning and said that his wife had called him on his way to work and told him something that made him immediatly turn back around and go home. He says that my 4 yr. old nephew told my sister-n-law and also told my brother that the other day when he was at their house, my son who is 10 pulled out his "pee pee" and put it in my nephews mouth. My nephew also says that my son "peed on him, bit him and pinched him". My first response was to think that there is no way that my son would have done that, but on the other hand this is my 4 yr. old nephew we are talking about, so how could a child that age lie. We did have a situation a few months back involving my stepchildren and they were touching each other very inappropriatly and they actually involved my 12 yr. old neice in their "playing". We did call CPS to get them to investigate that situation, and they seem to think that there was no abuse, it was just kids experimenting.------>

So basically they didn't do anything. My brothers ex-wife (mother to my niece) managed to get a judge to order my brother to never allow my niece to be around my stepkids in any way, not even a birthday party or Christmas. So I can not help but be afraid that my stepkids have taught my son something, or have done or tried to do something to him. I just don't know what to do. I am thinking of going and getting my son from school right now, and trying to get him to tell me something.

I have called my mother and asked her to drive to my house this afternoon, to see if my son might open up to her, cause I am afraid that he will not open up to me or my husband. I am just dumbstruck here, cause my son has not be subjected to any type of sexual abuse by me, my husband, or my ex husband. The only place he could have been subjected to it by was being around my stepkids. I just don't know what to do. I am sure my son will not admit anything to me or my husband, and maybe not even my mom, and I don't even know if there is anything to admit. My son is just not what I would consider the type to do something like this. What do I do???

Answer 1

This is very tough. It is hard to believe that a 4 year old could lie, but also hard to think that your son could do anything like that. I would just be sure to talk to your son about what is unapropriate, and wrong. Be sure he knows this now. If you need to be graphic to him, then make it so. I have been around young abused kids. My best friends daughter was molested by a ten year old when she was three, and it hurt her alot mentally. Made her grow up very fast. I would be sure to watch all active play between any kids for a while. It could have been inocent, but could have also been what he wanted to do. be careful.

Answer 2

Wow, this is a hard one - as a survivor if child abuse and as a Mom to 3 kids (2 girls and a boy) - my worst fear is that someone would hurt them, the way they hurt me (and I would not see it). But to be faced with a situation like this, where your son is the accused, is tough. I too believe that your nephew is not ling, at 4 years old, they don't really know how to "fib". I also believe that this might have been a case of experimenting or it might be the case that someone has done this to your son, and he is now doing what was done to him with someone else. I think that you need to sit your son down and make him aware of what has been said (about what he apparently did), and make him understand that what he is being accused of is a very bad thing and not only is what they said he did wrong but, it is also very wrong for people to do that to others (and emphasize that point) period. It is very difficult to do the "question asking" or to "cross question" your son - you might just ask the wrong questions and scare him or he might end up having a complex about himself. I feel that you should nip this one in the butt, it might be signs of something bad happening to your son or it might be signs that your son is not well (I know that either one is not nice to hear). I have no idea what a CPS is or who they are but, I think that you should have your son checked out by a doctor and a child psychiatrist before its too late. My heart goes out to you - and I wish you the best of luck on this journey..

Answer 3

Well - I am no expert but I think you need to sit down as a family and find out what is going on. Children are very honest especially little children. How could a 4 year old make up something like that? They do not have the capability to be malicious at that age.

There seems to be a problem here and if I were you, I would be trying to get to the source of the situation - starting with your 10 year old son. Maybe someone is doing something to him that you are not aware of.

Answer 4

To answer your question of what to do, I don't know. But I had to answer to tell you that you are on the right track by not ignoring this situation.

I can't even begin to know where to start. Try on Dr. Phil's webpage right now - there is a WHOLE big article about a recent show about abuse. (the guy's name is Jeremey and the little girls name is Kailee) There is something about the signs of abuse and what to do.

From what I hear CPS really sucks. You should start by getting a referral from your family doctor for the entire family to start counseling right away. You can get answers and more direction from that avenue.

God bless and I hope you come to a positive ending regarding the situation. Seriously, good for you for not ignoring or trying to fix it on your own.

Answer 5

I know from personal experience that if a child say someone hurt them then someone did! First you need to keep your son away from your step-kids there's something not right going on there in the first place. They learned that stuff from somewhere. Second you need to get him to a counselor. Oh wow I just don't really know what to say on here but please if you want some help e-mail me I have the address for a great online support group that I think could help you out with this. Just get your son HELP!

[e-mail]

Answer 6

why do you automatically assume your son is guilty? My brother had his son lie to the police to say his half-brother was touching him and putting his pee-pee in his mouth and anus. If a child is coached they can lie and they can lie well. I am not saying that your nephew is lying but you need to evaluate both sides and make sure your son is guilty before accusing him. How do you think this is going to make him feel, that his own mom thinks he did this? You and all the parties involved need to sit down and talk this out and have both boys present. find out who really is the liar here before you condemn your son. Good Luck

Answer 7

This is a serious situation whether it is abuse or experimentation- at this age, it can easily swing to abuse. Speak to your child, one on one. Find out where he got the ideas. I know that it may be difficult but the best way to get proper answers, is to let him know that you are not angry and is not going to be punished.

Find out if there is anyway that he, himself is being abused, or if he is exposed to sexual activity in any way- (peeing on someone is not something you would normally associate in a sexual way). OBSERVE YOUR CHILD AND HIS SURROUNDINGS (HOME, SCHOOL, NEIGHBOURHOOD, ETC) VERY, VERY CAREFULLY!!!

At this point not much harm is done but if you go about it the wrong way, he may rebel and it may become a huge prob down the line.

At his age, let him know that u understand his inquisitivity about sexuality and let him come to you with questions, etc rather than playing 'house'. Be open but not 'fire and brimstone' fightening about the consequences of 'playing' with others.

If this does not work, then take him for additional help. But I believe that he would understand.

Answer 8

you called cps over the last case yes, not this one? i think cps is right - i dont think he was fully aware what he was doing and was just experimenting

BUT and now on to this case - this needs to stop - you need to be hard on him and start teaching him that it is no aproprate to stick that in their.

i realy cant tell you more then that - this could be something serious and signs of something serious, or it could just be childish experimenting, i am not sure.

i am not a big fan of cousiling and seeing shrinks, but i think in this case it might be very useful and provide more ansewers then anyone here can

and for the record - i think it proberly did happen - 4 years is a bit young to make up lies like that and if your kid has done this sort of thing before then i see no reason why it hasnt happened again

Answer 9

4 yr olds might lie about who broke the bowl -- they are old enough to understand punishment for that. BUT with that said, they are NOT old enough to concoct this detailed of a story if it did not happen. Yes, you should confront your son, but he also needs to see a child psychologist like NOW! They have ways to have the child open up to them without using their words. If your son was also abused, that will come out too. Good Luck.

Answer 10

The kid's 4. He has no idea what sex is. He's probably lying but just in case don't let the 10 year old or the stepkids around the 4 year old.