I am angry as crap....wanna know why???

Question

well, me and my bf have been living in the same apartment for a while minus this past month. Well, he isnt able to put towards anything right now because he doesnt have really great income. So, he says that he is about to be getting a better job now and the first thing he says...i am going to get me a keyboard for the studio.

He hasnt been thinking this until him and his friends have been getting along. I am like...i have been taking care of you for 3 months...you need to put toward some bills. I really dont know what to do. I dont want to break up, so if that is what you are going to say....keep it movin...if not, plz give me some real advice. Thank you.

~bubblez

Answer 1

well i don't know wat to say. sorry

Answer 2

Ok the first mistake you made was taking care of his broke *** for 3 months. He doesnt carry much value in you becuase you are like his mom, he can just come home, park his lazy *** on the couch while you are paying the majority of the bills. So the first sign of money he has, what does he do? Think of himself becuase that is all he has been thinking about the past time.

Tell him the truth, tell him he needs to put in part of his income first into the bills that you have been paying while he had little to give and he can invest PART of his money into a savings for his keyboard. Just tell him to hold off a bit on the keyboard becuase you really can't handle taking care of the bills all the time, he needs to seriously pitch in as well.

If he argues with you and refuses and says he can do it later, kick his *** OUT. I am telling you. I know you do not want to hear this, but the dude is a loser if he can't be reasonable and help you out.

You teach people to treat you a certain way. If you bend or fold while "mr wonderful" tells you no, Im doing this and too bad about our responsibilities, then guess what? He wont ever put in the effort. He will think really fast when he is out of a place to live. Be strong and firm about this! You both should be able to have a little money left over for yourselves!

Answer 3

First, get over the feelings of anger by trying to see things from his perspective. If you approach him with anger, you're likely to get anger and defensiveness in response. While you have been providing for him for the past three months, he is feeling that he has been working hard too (and simply not earning much) and now that he's earning a little more, he wants to reward himself. This doesn't make him a bad person nor are you a bad person for feeling upset by his impulsive desire to purchase a keyboard.

Once your emotions have waned a bit, find a time to talk with him calmly. Just tell him you know he's been working hard and he's excited about his new job but bills need to be the priority. Set a plan for purchasing the keyboard in a reasonable amount of time. Maybe one can be purchased on lay away and payments made over a few months or perhaps a reasonable price cap could be made so he could purchase one in a month or so.

Just remember, he's not acting out of selfishness, he's just trying to reward himself for his new job.

Answer 4

Here's some real advice, you are being used. If your boyfriend is thinking of a keyboard before the bills now it will always be like that. Suggest he put the keyboard on lay away or save for it and whatever he does not pay on it put it toward a bill. No matter what kind of income he is making contributing something on the bills is better than nothin- unless he is making up for it in some other way ( i.e. putting gas in the cars/ buying groceries/ putting change in your pocket when you are running low/ buying your clothes)

Answer 5

It's not about the keyboard. It's not about his friends.

The problem is that he DOES have keyboard money but DOES NOT have any rent money. Oops. Same money.

Quit arguing over money: Since you pay the bills, he should give you $50 per month (or 20% of his not-real-great income) starting today. Then don't bug him about what he does with the rest of his cash expenses. Now, if he runs up a credit card bill or does not pay enough income taxes, creating a future liability, that's another matter.

Answer 6

That would make me angry too. You can try discussing the situation with him once you have cooled off. Write a list of all of the bills and what your combined income is. Make a budget between the two of you and hold him accountable. If you are the only one on your lease then you may have to put your foot down and tell him that you will have to find another roommate. One that will pay their way. Doesn't mean you have to break up, just make him accountable for his spending. It sounds like a tough situation but you have to protect what you have worked hard for. Don't let him walk all over you just because he is your boyfriend. How would you handle the situation if it was a girlfriend of yours?

Answer 7

I have been in your shoes. My boyfriend has not had great jobs in the past. he spends a lot of money on stuff for his studio as well. I let it go for awhile and then I got angry as well. I had been paying for a lot of stuff and supporting him too. I finally sat him down and explained how I felt and told him I needed more help with the bills - he seemed to change. If that does not work to talk to him. then try and work something out like every check he receives you get $200 for rent or bills etc.. Hang in there the shoe may be on the other foot someday and he will be taking care of you

Answer 8

Just tell him that he needs to put some money towards the bills. Most guys don't think logically about necessities. he's become accustomed to not paying bills so break the habit but don't break up with him. the keyboard can wait. if he has a problem with it the tell him to take his keyboard and go live with one of his friends. because if you pay all the bills yourself then you may as well live by yourself!

Answer 9

Your problem is not unusual as many women and men are beaten and killed by their mates. They just keep coming back because they are afraid of making a change. Their friend is still in the mother takes care of me mode and in this case, you are the mother. If you can't change him or make a change, just live with it. When the baby comes, you will have another chance because the bf will be gone or the baby. You will have to make the choice then!

Spousal - or domestic - abuse is not a single form of maltreatment. It comprises the entire panoply of abusive behaviors - sexual, emotional, psychological, financial, physical, psychological, and verbal - when they are directed exclusively or mostly at the abuser's spouse, mate, girlfriend, or boyfriend.

Answer 10

well first you are going to have to get un- angry and realize that hes a guy and like alot of guys he only thinks about himself... but that point aside... you need to just calmly sit down with him and tell him that it is really hard on you to try to swing all the bills and that if he wants you to be able to keep the place you are at now he needs to help with the bills... and if he is trying to do the music thing and uses the excuse that " i have to have the keyboard to make money" is it bringing in money now? if not you might want top tell him he just might have to wait tables for a while and do the other stuff on the side... until it starts to pick up and bring in the money... but just be honest and tell him that it hurts your feelings when he doesn't think about the bills , only his music....

Answer 11

Obviously, he's mooching off of you. You are his comfort money machine and unless you put your foot down, he's going to keep on mooching. Then you'll be broke and he'll move on to some other girl that will feed him. He's not a baby anymore. Tell him to get a job and put some effort forward into your lives. If he loves you, he'll listen to you and respect the fact that you're being his mother and lover all at the same time. That's not a good combo.