I have two teenage daughters. They are both very disrespectfull and do not follow the rules of our house. I give them times to be home, they come home when they feel like it. They have been caught drinking and they think it is not a big deal. I have tried several different punishments, NOTHING works. I don't think hitting is the answer!! Please help me to figure out what to do !!
2006-12-13 04:03:30 · 12 answers · asked by Michelle K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Call CPS. YOU can call to file a report against them,just like they can call on you. I just had to have the number circled and posted by the phone to make my kids KNOW I was serious. Parents DO NOT have to take disrespecting behaviour. If they won't let you "dicipline" them, then they can figure it out. Juvenile jail and foster homes are far less appealing than "dissing" the parents.
2006-12-13 04:11:50 · answer #1 · answered by #1 "Abuela" 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Raising a teen is very difficult. However, you cannot just throw them out on the street! They are your responsibility until they turn 18, so you need to find an effective method of discipline.
First, if they do not come home when they are told, they do not go out again! If you have to sleep in their room to be sure that they don't sneak out, then do that! They don't sound like they deserve to have any priveleges, so stop giving them any. Make them earn it!!
You stated that nothing works, but your didn't go into detail about what you have tried. It sounds like they need you to get really firm with them and stay that way. DO NOT BEND!! They cannot be trusted to make good decisions when they are away from you, so don't let them be away from you. You need to become their very best friend and their worst nightmare all rolled into one! Be home when they get out of school to be sure that they are coming home. If they don't come home, start picking them up after school. When they start to complain about your new rules, remind them that they have themselves to thank! Also remind them that you love them and that God has given you a responsibility to be their mother, and no matter how tough it gets, that is what you are going to be! Let them know that you are doing it so that they can have the best future possible!
Be firm, and be consistent! Make them earn back priveleges by getting good grades, being respectful to you and each other, doing what they are asked, when they are asked, etc....
Get tough now, before it really gets out of hand. It may be a good idea to contact the parents of all of their friends too. Get to know who they are running with. Stay involved in their lives at all times, no matter what.
Good luck!
2006-12-13 04:35:39 · answer #2 · answered by Kailey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't believe hitting is the answer either. I also think that when they are at certain age, especially teenagers that punishments do not work either. Actually, punishments in my opinion for teenagers are a rush! It's just another hurtle for them to try and get pass. It makes the things they do even more exciting and challenging and remember, teenagers are going through harmones that actually play with their thoughts. They are stuck between being too young for a lot of things but feeling older and want to express those things. One thing I do suggest is, saying what you mean and always mean what you say. If you do punish, make sure the punishment fits the crime. If you do punish, make sure you stick to that punishment. And also, make sure they are equally punished. Another thing, try talking to them and not at them. Try putting yourself back to when you were their age. (I am 43 and yes, when I was a teenage I did some things that I can't believe I am still alive..lol) We parents have to remember that we did some crazy things when we were kids and we shouldn't hide that fact. Let them know, you are normal, not some super hero. Show them your underbelly. Ask them out to "their" favorite place to eat and start talking. Number one, DO NOT ASK THEM WHATS ON THEIR MINDS, THEY WON'T TELL YOU! They will resort to silence, reason being, is they feel you won't understand anyway. Besides, they are mad at you right now. You have become their enemy, although I am so sure they love you. Just start talking....tell them experiences you went through. Laugh too. Let them know you completely understand their confusion right now and express that, as a parent you have to try to guide them onto the right path BUT that you know they need to learn from their mistakes as well. Be loving and supportive and then stand your ground. Tell them, that although you understand, you still have to enforce the rules. If they say nothing back, they heard you. Eat, talk, hug them and then move on, Hopefully some of it will sink in. Keep talking to them, because that is the one thing we all lack.......conversation.
Good Luck
2006-12-13 04:27:21 · answer #3 · answered by megabites42 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Take away everything in their rooms except for their beds. No stereo, tv, CD players, video games, telephones, anything that is fun. If they are not behaving, then why are they going out and doing things? They have no priviledges at all until they straighten up. Sitting on their bed staring at the walls will get very boring after a while. If they try to leave the house anyhow, then call the cops and report them as runaways. Find out how to have them declared incorrigible by the courts. It probably will not go that far if you are strict and stick to the rules you have set.
2006-12-13 04:21:27 · answer #4 · answered by eharrah1 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
to tell you the truth that is what they need they haven't been getting it. i know what you are feeling i am a mother of teenagers and i been there. and i know what my problem was i didn't whip them i let them think they can do or say anything. now my oldest is 16 and he have change he don't get into trouble anymore in school. but the other son he is 14 and he use not get into truoble it use to be my 16 year old but now they have change spots. what i did to my 16 year old was i took him to my local county jail and i let the cops talk to him and they took him in the back where the guys where and the guys back there talked to him and told him that if he don't change the way he is acting he would be in there with them. and when my son came out of that place he was so afraid and he told me that he don't wont to be in a place like that. but after that it last about a few months and he started back doing the samething over again. and i talked to him and told him that i don't wont him to get into trouble and more and he told me that he would stop and he did. now he don't get into trouble at all in school. but now it's my other son. but it have been a week since i talked to my other son and i told him the same thing and he said he will try not to get into trouble. take them to your local county jail and let them take them to talk to some of those ladies that is locked up. if that don't work maybe you need to send them to boot camp. do what ever it take to get them to change their ways. where are their dad what do he say about the way they are acting. good luck after the storm a rainbow will come.
2006-12-13 05:21:23 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teenagers are headaches, aren't they?
I will still love them no matter how they behave and what they do. Did you show that you love them? Were you disrespectful to them in the past? Punishment only alienates a relationship. You need to be reconnected to your daughers so that you can communicate with them. it is easy to have a relationship messed up, it is hard to rebuild it. I suggest you try a lot of patience and show nothing but love. They need people to understand them. If you as a mother could understand them, it is a great treasure to them.
I used to work in a wild school district, where no teaching could be carried out, and paper ball fighting went on everyday. One day someone decided to take on the teacher, so all the papers hit the teacher on the head while he was writing on board. After the frenzy of throwing stopped, he turned around and faced everyone with a sad smile and asked: "before we start our lesson, Can we clean our room, please?" Everyone was astonded--because they were expecting the teacher to yell or scream--:" who did this?" --What will be the consequence?!--Suspended? Expelled?
As if he knew what went in their mind:" he said:" It really does not matter who did this, I just believe we all deserve to work in a better environment. let's clean it up." -- After they gathered all the paper balls, he actually played a game with them: --shoot all the ball into the trash can at a distance -- they had fun and class started. Later, his class was the best in school that actually carried on academics.
One of the ways to deal with kids-- is your behavior should not be predictable to them. They like to see you to lose control, show signs of provocations. Keep yourself in check so they do not laugh behind you. Love them and outsmart them.
2006-12-13 05:06:05 · answer #6 · answered by J F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Teens are hard cases. They learn from young and it seems that they don't have any respect. Were you very soft with them when they were younger? They need to have tough love. Does your town have a curfew? If so make them abide by it and if they don't call the cops. Start taking things from them or everything if necessary. You can't expect them to respect you if you don't show them why to respect you. Do they work and help pay the bills? If not then they need to learn who house that is.
2006-12-13 04:56:11 · answer #7 · answered by trf_islandkandi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well for me, i think them disrespecting you calls for them not to be entitled to the little things that we as parents do for are kids. Do they have cell phones? if so have them shut off, Do they have computers? remove them from their rooms., If they dont do chores without giving lip service? They cant go out. If they leave anyway, when they come home there makeup and curling irons will be gone and hidden. Take their doors from them. If they cant respect you then why respect their privacy. These are things kids earn for bieng respectful kids. None of the above things do kids NEED. And unless the are willing to earn them thru respecting then they shouldnt have them. JUst a few ideas that i use. My kid knows im serious when it comes to respecting me. And knows that if she discrespects me, i will and have taken the things that she only deserves being a respectful teenager
2006-12-13 04:29:38 · answer #8 · answered by tekaye70 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
tear her up and if that don't work kick her to curb nah just sit her down and if she don't want to listen whop her and if she threatens to call the popo's if you whop her good she won;t take the computer out of her room the phone cell phone send her to boot camp or whatever cuz now day these kids getting to out of hand and they need some good disipline and they don't need to be mistreating you like that and don't feel like a bad parent cuz you grown she ain't noting but a little teenager adn you deserve that respect from your child
2006-12-13 05:21:16 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Boot camp. Therapy. Ground them. Give them no room. Don't let them go out. Take away their cell phones. Let them know that you are the boss.
2006-12-13 04:40:55 · answer #10 · answered by The Pope 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋