I was totally in love with her, but we argued over telling my parents/work that we are together. I look exceptionally straight, and have been with men mostly, however I totally fell in love with this woman and believe we could be happy together for the rest of our lives. My ex has approached me again and said she is willing to work it out, and not force me into telling my parents (most of my friends know). However we want to get married. My mum will disown me if she found out. She is very homophobic, as is the rest of my entire family. I am torn between being with the person I love and leaving her so my family never have to know. I know that thy would never forgive me, and I can choose which is going to giveme more pain. However I know she makes me happier than ever! She is my soul mate, but why is it coming at a price?
2006-12-13 03:27:38 · 9 answers · asked by Sophie 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The thing here is you are both right. If this is truley who you are...you need to find a way to come to terms with it and accept it. it is unhealthy to live a lie. You do not have to wear a Gay Pride shirt everyday or sport a Melissa Ethridge hair do - but you need to know that the people in your life - know you, and love for who you are. The screts will create distance and alienate from everyone you care about. - So your Partner is right.
But you need to do it when you are ready. No one can force you out before you are ready to deal with the consequenses - because there will be aftermath. The most important factor in determining when to come out - is that you are totally comfortable with who you are. You need to be able to say this not who I am, it's who I've chosen. I am the same person I have always been , but this is who I love....I hope you can still love me. So you are right. If you are really in love with her - talk, tell her what you are afraid of....make sure she is really hearing you, make sure she understands that you'r not having second thoughts about her or your sexuality - your just geting comfortable. If she is pressing that hard...most likely she is feling insecure. Good Luck.
2006-12-13 03:31:18 · answer #1 · answered by kimber 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Will I'm in a similar situation I'm bisexual and My entire family is rastice sex est and homophobic. And so if my parents aver found about about me and my G.F I would be disowned 2 But I think that if your in love with the person than you should come out. And hope for the best maybe start out with the family members that are closer to you and that will support you no mater what. And then with there support it will be alot easier And if your parents do disown you They will proudly forgive and forget just give them time.
2006-12-13 04:24:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many "homophobic" parents have embraced their gay children and sadly others do reject them.
You do not belong to your mother, you are your own person free to love whomever you wish. You say your mother will disown you if she finds out that you love a woman. If she can't love you because you love someone else, it is because your mother is incapable of true love. This doesn't mean you aren't worthy of love, it means that she has a character defect.
"To thine own self be true." Unless a person is free to be herself, she will be unhappy. Trying to live your life for another person and to deny yourself your truth will bring frustration.
Rather than tell your parents about the relationship, you might live your life and love your partner. When invited to a family function, bring her along. There's no need to tell anyone you are together, just be together. Telling your parents is like asking for approval. You don't need their approval to be happy. Just be happy, live your life and if they have a problem with it, remember it's their problem. If they make a scene, quietly get up and leave. No discussions, no arguments.
I see that you want to go from being broken up to getting married. I find it interesting that you are going from one extreme to another.
Love may not be easy, but it's worth it.
2006-12-13 04:08:34 · answer #3 · answered by teach_empathy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
how typical. ok, so 1. family last longer than 99.9% of relationships. 2. so what, family smamily. they will never make you as happy as she does. 3. if they don't accept you, then they don't really love you. 4. if your friends already know, chances are the family does too. 5. love is what really really counts. anyone who thinks that it has to be between only a man and woman is very very short sighted. i know same sex couples who are not gay, they are devoted, loving and caring, but sex isn't involved. so what? 6. a person can actually have multiple soul mates.
2006-12-13 03:33:59 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No pain no gain? You gotta work out what you want and what your partner wants and come clean with your folks. Because, it awful living in a lie and it's awful living with guilt.
Your parents ought to love you regardless so, take courage and take the plunge. Let you folks know who you are and hope for the better. It's better to acknolwedge you were brave and did the right thing as opposed to push... possibliy your greatest love of your life because you were afraid.
2006-12-13 03:32:31 · answer #5 · answered by sunsetconmartini 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow thats crazy, but its up 2 you. do you really want to spend the rest of your life with this girl??? if you do then persue a relationship with her without your mom knowing and when the time is right tell your mother and if she is not understanding about the situation just let her cool off, as long as your happy it should'nt matta what she thinks.
2006-12-13 03:34:22 · answer #6 · answered by ANNA 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to follow your heart. If your family cannot value your life decisions, then that is too bad for them. You cannot change who you are, and you cannot pretend you don't feeli the way you do. There is nothing to be ashamed of.
2006-12-13 03:30:11 · answer #7 · answered by Jennalove311 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That''s a tough decision. There is no way to guarantee that your lover will be with you forever, though. Good luck.
2006-12-13 03:39:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either get new parents or new girlfriend, I think I know who you will choose.
2006-12-13 03:34:02 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋