Another Christmas question?

Question

My son has a friend who doesn't celebrate Christmas. They don't have anything like a tree or lights and they don't give gifts.
I found this out by my child wanting to buy their child a Christmas present because they are friends. I said ok and a really great toy was picked out and wrapped up.
My son gave their child the present this weekend when they played together (pre-school has let out already)
The mother said that he was not allowed to have our gift and he needs to remember his beliefs because they don't believe in celebrating anything except the birth of Jesus, which is NOT a reason to give anyone BUT jesus a gift.
I understand her having her own beliefs but I do think that she over reacted. Is it really that wrong to give a child a gift on Christmas. Does she not understand that we don't know her beliefs unless she states them?
My son is upset and doesn't think his friend likes him.

What would you say to your child?
Now he's questioning santa

He wants to know why santa doesn't go to his friends house and why that there family is so mean to his friend and things like that.

To those of you who say I knew their belivfs you are WRONG. We did not know they dint celebrate chrstmas until the mom went psycho.

Answer 1

You do need to talk to this mom again. Explain to her the your family DOES celebrate Christmas and that's why your son gave her son a gift--becasue that's the way YOU celebrate the holiday.

We celebrate Christmas, my nephew celebrates Hanukah. I have never once sent a Hanukah gift--I send a Christmas Gift wrapped in Santa paper because I'm celebrating Christmas. I'm not celebrating some other holiday.

Explain to the mom, that was no offense meant but your custom is to honor the birth of Christ by giving presents to those you love (since Christ isn't here to get the gifts himself). And that's what your son was doing--he was acknowledging Christ's birth by giving a gift to her son. Tell her it's a symbolic gesture of your beliefs and you hope she reconsiders and permits her son to accpet the gift.

Let her know that you certainly don't expect a gift in return since that's not the way they recongize the birth of Christ, but that her son should honor your way of celebrating by accepting the gift.

Then, this is a good time to explain to your son that people celebrate Christmas differently. You might can find a hannaka book at Barnes and Noble or maybe some other children's book about the different ways of celebrating (though I don't think you're gonna find one that say no gifts at are all is appropriate).

Then, finally, as stated above by someone else, explain that Santa only visits kids who believe in him and that's why he doesn't go see his friend. You may want to have this child over to play with your son again very soon so they know they can still be friends.

Answer 2

Maybe if you asked the boys mother if he could have the gift not as a Christmas gift but as a friendship gift? Get a card that isn't about Christmas, something that says that he is a great friend. Apologize to her even though you don't agree with her beliefs. Now about your son and Santa, explain to him that when Jesus was born they brought him gifts to celebrate his life. That a long time ago after Jesus went to heaven a man decided that all the kids of the world deserved toys on Dec. 25th and that at the time all were homemade toys. That his friend mom and dad talked to Santa and told him that they wouldn't be needing any toys this year that there are alot of other boys and girls in the world that need them more then he does. It would be a good lesson for you son to know that being selfish is wrong, that maybe one day he too would like to help and give to those who are less fortunate then he is.

Answer 3

Obviously, this is a difference in religious beliefs and this is important to explain to your son. You can tell him that Santa does visit every person that believes in him and that the "gifts" he leaves are not always in the form of presents, maybe it's an affirmment of their faith, or a personal blessing for their well-being etc. To some people these are more important than the toys. And tell him that the gift he tried to give was a wonderful and thoughtful idea and not his fault that it's not their belief to accept - it's just part of many differences that are a part of this big world. It means nothing towards their friendship. Maybe he would feel better if the toy was donated to a kid's charity? Would the friend be allowed to come for a special play date that would allow son to feel that the friendship was intact?

Answer 4

This is a tricky situation. If the mother did not state this you can't be expected to read minds. I think the mother of the other child should be the one questioning her actions. By all means take the gift from the child if that is what your belief is, but she had a responsibility not to let your child witness that.

As for what you should say to your son, I think the only way you can approach it is to say that Santa can only go to the house if his friends mummy says it is ok. You can follow this by saying that it is not that his friend doesn't like him, it is that his friends celebrates Christmas in a different way. That different people celebrate it in different ways because we are all different. Try to put it in terms of birthdays, everyone has a different one. If you explain difference to your son, it will help him in later life too. If we all understood that people are all different the world would be a nicer place.

Answer 5

Everyone has their own beliefs, and it's really not fair of you to expect them to turn their back on them to placate your preK son. I think *you* are overreacting. he's old enough to understand that people are different, and your ability to compassionately point out that your son's friend has other beliefs will affect his open-mindedness the rest of his life. If you could have done this right away, it never would have been a big deal for your son, he would have just accepted it. You obviously aren't willing to accept her beliefs, or you wouldn't have force yours on hers and been so angry when she didn't roll over for you. When she did state them, you got angry and judgemental

What I would have done was told my son that his friend does not celebrate Christmas, but that there are plenty of children who do and never get presents. Then donate that gift, along with some others he could pick out to one of millions of children who don't even get to eat on Christmas. Perpetuating the lie of 'Santa only visits those who believe' is really going to screw him up in school when he has classmates who are too poor to afford Christmas.

Our kids know that Santa IS real, he was a saint who died 1700 years ago. they know the story behind and it's just as magical to know the truth about his works and emulate them as it is to pretend in some giant fat man breaking into your house to leave presents. Our three year old plays santa all the time and leaves secret presents under our pillows or in our shoes to surprise us.

I think it's great that your son wanted to buy his friend a present, how can you work with that to keep him happy, honest and giving?

Answer 6

wimpy people here...no wonder the kids all end up useless...
and no wonder why we cant understand why others hate america...egads...
The friends mom Had every right to do what she did and if it were me i'd ban my son from playing with your child! WHY?Because YOU knew about their beliefs and yet took it upon yourself to go against them! That in itself put a TON of strain on those parents because of your gift...and you KNEW IT! BEcause YOU knew better since Xmas is good and your religion is right...so giving a gift is also right.....BALONEY... you screwed up the poor child with that gift and made the childs parents look like heels.....

Answer 7

That sounds like a tough spot. But I think I would talk with that childs mother again. Find out what their believes really are and that you also have your believes. Then I would also tell her who my child is feeling because they didn't accept the gift. Maybe you can come to agreement. Good luck to you!

Answer 8

U have to explain to him that his family gives their presents in a different way and not everyone celebrates Christmas. And how about giving him the gift unwrapped maybe in January.

They have their beliefs and you should respect them and teach your toddler that everyone in the world is different and that doesn't make them mean.

Answer 9

About the Santa thing, tell your son that Santa only visits the people who believe in him. Since his friend doesn't believe he exists, he doesn't get presents from him.

Answer 10

that's a tough one, maybe you can tell him that santa only comes to those who believe there is a santa, and since his parents don't believe there is a santa they think their son shouldn't either, tell him he can give him the best present in the world by sticking by him and staying his friend. tell him his friendship is a secret present, just between you and him.