Some of the added details to my last question
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Al1WMpd0jbnS_7rHGRnIvA_sy6IX?qid=20061213034517AArNgsH
I haven't seen her since she was about 7. She was always in our thoughts, however there was a family disagreement which keep her from seeing us.
My cousin had been molested by somebody in her apartment complex (long story), the man who did this is currently on trial for his crimes. Here is the problem: my cousin seems to think he did nothing wrong (she is still a child and doesn't know she's been taken advantage off by a piece of ****) She may also have tried some drugs. Most of my info. is rumor, since we have been out of the mix for a while.
So my next question is - If your in our shoes, would this change any of your opinions? Would you still take her in?
Don't think by me asking any of these questions I am against it because of her history, that doesn't factor in, it just makes it harder. I just want your opinions.
2006-12-13 02:02:10 · 14 answers · asked by 1 Supermom 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Sorry I just wanted to add - We (hubby and I) would never blame her for whats happening, she has had no guidence, which reuslted in her abuse. None of this is her fault. She is just a child, the people caring for her have to say the least failed.
2006-12-13 02:10:22 · update #1
I have been a foster parent for 8 years now, and a lot of the kids that have come into my home have no idea that what they have experinced to them was bad. They are so use to a way of life, that they think of it as a normal daily occurance. And that is really hard to undo. The only thing that worries me in your situation is that if you have small kids in your home, that you will be taking in a girl that has huge needs and will require lots of attention and theropy. This, obviously, will take away from your children. Just being prepared for that before you decide. If she has used drugs, then there is another thing that you have to prepare for. Being as she is only 13 is good, because you will have to set rules and guidlines in your home that she will be expected to follow. And there will be consequences for her if she does not adhear to your rules. When kids come from willy-nilly households where they are making their own rules and basicly taking care of themselves, it's really had for them to relinquish those freedoms back to another person. But it does work. They have to gain your trust, and this takes time. They just don't come into your home and automatically trust you and trust that your going to take care and provide for them. That's not what they are use to. Fending for themselves is all they know. But eventually they do come around. YOU have to earn THEIR trust. And once that happens, then you can have a relationship. Good for you for thinking of taking on such a venture! I wish more families would step up to the plate, and help out their lost family members. But it's much easier to turn the other way and pass the buck onto someone else. It requires dedication and time. And if your willing and able to do it, I say go for it! It's not going to be easy, but you sound very informed and checking all your options before making your decision. Your cousin if a very fortunate girl to have you around.
2006-12-13 02:19:35 · answer #1 · answered by frigidx 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Yes by all means just be aware of the fact that you are taking on a boat load of problems. If you do take her in, she cannot be abandoned, it sounds like that has happened too much already. She is going to need a lot of attention, love, and counseling. She is going to make your life very miserable at times. Even with all the love, support, and attention you can muster is no guarantee that thing will turn out favorably. But if they do the rewards will probably greater than you can ever imagine. And she will be forever grateful. Good Luck. You will need it.
2006-12-13 20:56:02 · answer #2 · answered by bonobo 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I WOULD DEFINITELY take my cousin in. I just started taking cake of my nephew (14) this summer. His mother (my sister died 6 years ago and he's been living with my mother ever since). His dad isn't the best and I know that he would be better off with me since I am younger and able to be a good influence on him. We have more of a sister/brother relationship and although it's caused a bit of a strain on my new marriage, and finances, I would NOT change it for the world. That's what's family is there for.
Regardless of the things you pointed out, YES I think you should take her in if you truly care for her and have her best interest at heart. Children are aware of those things and in the long run she will thank you...
2006-12-13 10:09:19 · answer #3 · answered by aJr2006 1 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I would not take her in if I had my own children to look after. I would not want her anywhere near my daughter to influence her. Life is scary enough with drug abuse and peer pressure I would not want to bring it right onto my home front. I feel for your cousing but my children are way more important. IF I had no kids of my own I would take her in. I would expect her to follow my rules and she could do whatever she wanted with her life as long as it was w/in reasonable limits. I would not let her live there if she was doing serious drugs like crack or meth..I would not let her live there if she started to steal repeatedly from me..it would defenatly be something I would do initially and if she would obey the house rules and learn respect I would keep her indefinatly.
2006-12-13 12:11:47 · answer #4 · answered by jennyve25 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would still take her in she needs someone to show her they care and love her.. Maybe if she gets into a real family she will shape up. if she is still using drugs get her some help like into a drug rehab, take her to a therapist so she can talk out her thoughts and problems.. You seem like a caring person concerened about your cousin, seems like she needs someone like you in her life..
2006-12-13 10:12:45 · answer #5 · answered by Tracy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I would take her in. I think that family is the most important thing you have and if I had a relative in trouble or who is being taken out of the family, I would take her. No matter what she went through. I think it's my responsibility toward my family.
2006-12-13 10:06:54 · answer #6 · answered by 4th_river 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Family is family. The foster care system is like sending a naked chicken into a fox den.
2006-12-13 10:04:31 · answer #7 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yes of course I'd take her in. But thinking from her point of view, if I was her I'd rather stay away from someone that takes me in just because he/she was told to do so from someone at yahoo answers. Still, the poor girl might have no choice, at least you are family.
2006-12-13 10:09:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you have the means to take her in and are willing to help her go through all of the crap she has been through then do it. You may be the best person to step into her life.
2006-12-13 10:05:38 · answer #9 · answered by angelmwilson 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Take her in. You can have a positive influence on her and give her the stability all children need.
2006-12-13 10:11:58 · answer #10 · answered by butteryone 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋