Some of the added details to my last question
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Al1WMpd0jbnS_7rHGRnIvA_sy6IX?qid=20061213034517AArNgsH
I haven't seen her since she was about 7. She was always in our thoughts, however there was a family disagreement which keep her from seeing us.
My cousin had been molested by somebody in her apartment complex (long story), the man who did this is currently on trial for his crimes. Here is the problem: my cousin seems to think he did nothing wrong (she is still a child and doesn't know she's been taken advantage off by a piece of ****) She may also have tried some drugs. Most of my info. is rumor, since we have been out of the mix for a while.
So my next question is - If your in our shoes, would this change any of your opinions? Would you still take her in?
Don't think by me asking any of these questions I am against it because of her history, that doesn't factor in, it just makes it harder. I just want your opinions.
2006-12-13 02:00:47 · 15 answers · asked by 1 Supermom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sorry I just wanted to add - We (hubby and I) would never blame her for whats happening, she has had no guidence, which reuslted in her abuse. None of this is her fault. She is just a child, the people caring for her have to say the least failed.
2006-12-13 02:14:29 · update #1
I'd take her in. Family is family. At worst, if it didn't work out, you can relinquish custody to social services and they'll put her in foster care later but at least I'd know that I tried to help her.
2006-12-13 02:05:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
First, to answer your question directly: yes, there are no factors other than personal violence that would keep me from taking my 13 year old cousin in if there was no other place for her to go except foster care. In the case of my 14 year old cousin who has had a very hard child hood, she was able to go live with her 25 year old brother, so it wasn't an issue, but my wife and I talked about it.
Now... being 13 doesn't automatically make her an innocent bistander in the events of her molestation. Physically, a man responds to a woman who shows an interest no matter if she's 13 or 30. The man should have had the brains, will power, and desire to put distance between them, but when I was in Jr. High, there was a girl who was "raped" by five different men on different occasions... after she came into their appartments uninvited wearing only a halter top and skirt, each of them having kicked her out for making lewd comments at least five times. Where does this "little girl's" responsibility begin? If you get this girl, don't treat her with kid gloves just because she's 13. If she thinks she is the one who initiated the relationship with the guy in her appartment complex, she might try to do the same kind of things again.
2006-12-13 10:29:29 · answer #2 · answered by Sean J 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I feel so sorry for the children in foster care. They haven't a clue that just because the situation is bad doesnt mean we cant make it better. U sound like a decent, morally concious person that will make the right decision for the child not based on the facts. U need to get that girl and and show her that there is a better life, and she can coexist in a world full of idiots. and make a new and better life for her. HOW? how did u learn? u had someone that cared enuff about u to put u on ... do the same for her
2006-12-13 10:17:34 · answer #3 · answered by steelababi 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. If I was able financially I would definitely do everything in my power to keep her out of foster care. I know there are some great foster families out there, but I've also heard horror stories of children going to 30 or 40 fodter homes by the time they are 18. I would try my best to give her a stable environment and loving family.
2006-12-13 10:48:55 · answer #4 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i would take her in she is your family and she needs some family support. She probably knows what happend to her was bad she's holding it all in and is starting to have some emotional problems. Take her in and show her that people do love her and not everyone is out to hurt her. Show her what REAL family life means. she's not going to understand at first but you just have to stay strong and be there for her. Give her guidence. I think you should definaltley take her in. good luck you might want to get her some counseling on the side so she can talk to someone and get alot of this out.
2006-12-13 10:19:23 · answer #5 · answered by tcameron_2004 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
For sure it will be very hard, and I think anyone can understand your hesitation. It is very hard to deal with a child whether it be a relative or not, that has so much baggage. However you don't want her to end up in the system, it is not fair to her, not that it is your responsibility, but it is family, and if you don't have support of your family what do you got. Put yourself in her shoes, would you want to end up in the system, not a good place to end up, especially at that age, not good. Well good luck, and if you don't choose to take her in, don't beat yourself up about it, it's you and your families decision, just think and pray about it, all will work out!
2006-12-13 10:09:31 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it will disrupt the household i would say foster care, but stay in her life, maybe let her spend the night a couple of weekends, make it so everyone is comfortable with the idea of her being in your house, so make it a slow process if you that is what you really want to do. the young lady needs plenty of therapy and a lot of love from you.
2006-12-13 10:06:08 · answer #7 · answered by stringhead3 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that in terms of the child's welfare, being taken in by family is a lot less traumatic then being shuffled around in foster homes.
The kid has had difficulty in life so far, so you can expect some behavioral problems. A stable environment with lots of love can do great things. I was adopted (interracial,no less) and despite some problems in adolescence, It worked out well for my adoptive parents and myself.
If you can do it financially, then go for it.
2006-12-13 10:16:43 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is going to be difficult. However, Yes! I would take her in and assure she would receive some type of counseling, a trained professional who deals with victims of sexual trauma. And if she is using drugs, this could be a direct result of what she has been through. Yes, I would still take her and be sure that she is getting appropriate and adequate counseling services. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-13 10:05:18 · answer #9 · answered by ? 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
I would still take her in and get her some counseling the government will help pay for that she needs to know that guy was scum and a low life before she has children and they end up hurt.
2006-12-13 10:05:47 · answer #10 · answered by fluttergirl2004 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
yea i would its not her fault that these things happened to her shes goin thru a tough time rite now and she needs someone to be there for her and even if she tinks that nothing bad happened like you said shes young and doesnt kno better she needs spmeone to love and care for her in a way that she obviously didnt have in the past so be ther for her shes family and she needs you
2006-12-13 10:05:49 · answer #11 · answered by xxrlhoodratxx 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋