I've only seen one on the jokes and riddles section... does anyone have any good ones?
Merry Christmas to all BTW...
xx
2006-12-13 01:45:58 · 16 answers · asked by *BURNY* 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, "Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?
The father, surprised, answer s, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts.In her 20s, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions".
"Onions?"
"Yes, you see them and they make you cry."
This infuriated his wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?"
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, "Well dear, a man goes through three phases. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree".
A Christmas tree?"
"Yes - dead from the root up and the balls are just for decoration."
2006-12-13 02:30:01 · answer #1 · answered by CaptCanuck23 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
How about some riddles???
What do reindeer say before they tell a joke? This will sleigh you.
Santa's sleigh jingles too much. He won't win the No Bell Prize!
Does Santa have any money? No. That is why they call him Saint Nickeless.
Why does Santa like to go down chimneys? Because it soots him!
Won't all that soot make him sick? No. He's had his flue shot.
But what if there's a fire in the fireplace? Santa then becomes Krisp Kringle!
What do you say to a bad puppy at Christmas? Felix Naughty Dog!
Why was Santa's little helper depressed? Because he had low elf esteem.
What do you get if you cross a Yule Log with a duck? A Fire Quacker
Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs? Santa Paws
What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire? Frostbite.
Just before Christmas, an honest politician, a generous lawyer and Santa Claus were riding in the elevator of a very posh hotel. Just before the doors opened they all noticed a $20 bill lying on the floor. Which one picked it up? Santa of course, because the other two don't exist!
What is Santa's favorite breakfast cereal? Frosted Flakes.
Why are Christmas trees like people who can't knit? They both drop their needles.
Why does Santa Claus have three gardens? So he can Ho-Ho-Ho.
What kind of food do you get when you cross a blizzard with a polar bear? A brrr-grrr! (burger)
What does Frosty the Snowman take when he gets sick? A chill pill.
What do you call a cow at the North Pole? An Eski-moo.
2006-12-13 02:21:37 · answer #2 · answered by kizkat 4 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Merry Christmas!
2016-05-23 17:41:18 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
An Air Force Joke!
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the skies,
Air defenses were up, with electronic eyes.
Combat pilots were nestled in ready-room beds,
As enemy silhouettes danced in their heads.
Every jet on the apron, each SAM in its tube,
Was triply-redundant, linked to the Blue Cube,
And ELINT and AWACS gave coverage so dense
That nothing that flew could slip through our defense.
When out of the klaxon arose such a clatter
I dashed to the screen to see what was the matter;
I increased the gain and then, quick as a flash,
Fine-adjusted the filters to damp out the hash.
And there found the source of the warning we'd heeded:
An incoming blip, by eight escorts preceded.
"Alert status red!" went the word down the wire,
As we gave every system the codes that meant "FIRE!"
On Aegis! Up Patriot, Phalanx and Hawk,
And scramble our fighters--let's send the whole flock.
Launch decoys and missiles, use chaff by the yard!
Get the kitchen sink up! Call the National Guard!
They turned toward the target, moved toward it, converged.
Till the tracks on the radar all finally merged,
And the sky was lit up with a demonic light,
As the foe met his fate in the high arctic night.
So we sent out some recon to look for debris,
Yet all that they found, both on land and on sea
Were some toys, a red hat, a charred left leather boot,
Broken sleigh bells, white hair, and a deer's parachute.
Now it isn't quite Christmas, with Saint Nick shot down.
There are unhappy kids in each village and town.
For the Spirit of Christmas can't hope to evade
All the web of defenses we've carefully made.
But a crash program's on: Working hard, night and day,
All the elves are constructing a radar-proof sleigh.
So let's wait for next Christmas, in cheer and in health,
For the future has hope: Santa's coming by stealth!
2006-12-13 02:27:03 · answer #4 · answered by genghis41f 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Merry Christmas! And Blonde & Santa jokes r always funny/degrading
2006-12-13 01:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by ? 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Christmas Cookie Recipe
In case you need to make Christmas Cookies:
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still OK, try another cup. Just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
CHERRY MISTMAS
2006-12-13 01:48:22 · answer #6 · answered by The_answer_person 5 · 9⤊ 1⤋
Watch this space, Merry Christmas !!!!!!
2006-12-13 01:47:20 · answer #7 · answered by Shredder 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why cant Mrs Santa Clause have any babies
Because Santa only comes once a year and its down the chimney
2006-12-13 01:48:29 · answer #8 · answered by stardust 3 · 3⤊ 2⤋
whats Good King Wencelas's favourite pizza.
Deep pan crisp and even... ha ha...merry Christmas to you....
2006-12-13 06:12:44 · answer #9 · answered by chris w. 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
What's the difference between a Snowman & Snowwoman??
Snow Balls!!
2006-12-13 02:08:32 · answer #10 · answered by queenmackerel 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋