My sons biological father saw him and now????

Question

My ex.bf dated in college and due to are somewhat excessive partying ended up concieving my 3 yr old son. He was from staten island though and i was from NJ so after the break up we did not see each other much.He freaked when he origially found out i was pregnant his parents paid the child support for him till he graduated and got a job.He saw his son for the first time in person a few weeks ago while i was shopping with him and know want to be a family?He even is transfering to my firm since we both work in PR/Advertising/Marketing industry and is going to be project manager!What can i do?i am highly irratated and stressed!

Its stressing me because i still have feelings for him and know i should not have them because i am engaged to someone else it making and already rocky relationship with my bf 10x worse.

thegrandwizardfromtuls...i read your previous questions you an ignorant racist who should not be talking and for your information we a both white he is german and i am italian back round you idiot!

Answer 1

Its not really about you. If he wants to be part of his son's life then let him do that. If its stressing you that he wants to be a family, tell him you're not interested, but that shouldn't have anything to do with he and his son's relationship

Answer 2

Ok I am going to disagree with just about everyone on here. As a single mother and in a similar situation I say you don't let him see YOUR son. You have raised the child as your own and now at 3 years old he wants to be a dad?? I DONT THINK SO.. he will be around long enough for the novelty of being a dad wears off. Then your son will be left more confused. I say keep your sons life the way it has been. Children need stability, and a daddy that comes and goes will do more damage than anything.

Answer 3

Just because he is going to be working with you does not mean that you need to be a family. Tell him work and relationships don't mix. It's great that he wants to be involved in his son's life though. Your son will benefit from having his dad around. If your relationship with your b/f is already having problems, maybe you should not be getting married. Marriage will not make them go away. It is also normal that you would have some feelings for your Ex, because he is the father of your child.

Answer 4

After 3 years what makes this man think he can just waltz into you & your childs life? This is something you need to discuss with him in great detail.Think of the child above anything else.I wish you all the luck in the world with this one.I had a similar problem several years ago.My sons biologicol father after 4 years {of no contact or support} wanted in our lives.I told him to go to he#*.Your situation is a little different,as you recieved support money.This should probably be a factor in your decision.If you can't be a family,maybe you can arrange some sort of visitation agreement for them.

Answer 5

He is entitled to be a part of his son's life. Just let him know that you cannot be a family with him because you have moved on, (being that you are engaged, but you have to know for sure that you have moved on. Having feelings for him however, sounds like you are not sure). Take things one day at a time and it may work itself out but in the mean time, let him know that you will be there for him to help him and his son form a bond and catch up on the years that were missed.

Answer 6

You should be estatic that he wants to be a part of his child's life, but if your not interested in being a "family" with him, make this very clear to him so there is no misunderstanding in his expectations from you. If this is done than it shouldn't stress you out, he's trying to do the right thing. Unless you feel he is not a positive role model for your child, then there are other ways via the court system to regulate the visitation, you should be fine.

Answer 7

I really dont know what you should do, i think you really should stay with your fiancee, he asked you to marry him and you said yes. Now this guy comes along that you havent seen in 3 years and wants to be a family? Maybe just be friends with him. Tell him that you are engaged and that you are not interested in being his wife right now. It will be good because your son can see his dad and you can have your man.

Really i think that is the best choice. If you choose otherwise than that is good too. because your son will always be able to spend time with his dad.

Answer 8

How lucky are the both of you that he wants to be a part of your lives! If you say your current relationship is rocky I would question it period! If you still have feelings for the father I say test the waters... but let the fiance go. Cheating isn't right or fair. But your son deserves to know his father and vice versa. And you deserve to be happy! Believe me, the biological father doesn't always come back wanting to see his kids!

Answer 9

For the sake of the child I would let him visit his son and form a relationship with him. Your son will thank you when he's older. If he ever finds out you stopped his father from getting to know him he may end up in later years having animosity towards you. As for yourself tell him your not interested in a romantic relationship with him but for the sake of the child you are willing to try a platonic relationship. Who knows, years down the road you may end up building a romantic relationship with her based of the new friendship you formed. Good luck!

Answer 10

Your child has a better chance if he has two parents and a domestically tranquil home. If the two of you fight, you're better off apart, but the ex needs to see his child on a regular basis.

There are all sorts of studies that suggest that kids in one-parent households grow up to be more aggressive and less intelligent than kids in two-parent households. There are many kids that overcome that, but that's what they had to do - overcome that. Don't put another obstacle in the way of your child growing up to be a normal, well-adjusted, tax-paying, law-abiding citizen.