This has really been bothering me for the 3 months that she's been pregnant. I'm going to have to get married, and support a mother and baby, and hopefully, I'll stay around whenever I can. But I just feel this gaping loss... like all my freedom (that I didn't used to know I had) is now gone.
I wish somebody could just wave a magic wond, and say, "Don't worry. You still get to do whatever you want."
2006-12-13 00:04:20 · 24 answers · asked by manna eater 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You lose irresponsibility.
2006-12-13 00:06:08 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
sleep hahaha there is no such thing in the first few month. and youll will not be able to do things as you always have. Now as a new father the changes are not so dratic but later on when the kid starts to walk and to talk it is your job to make sure the kid is well and healthy and got everything he needs. He needs your support and your understanding and he neds you to be there for him at any time of the day. Now dont get scared cause the Joys of parenthood outweigh the duties and responsibilities by far. Dont just be a perant to your son but also a husband to your wife and a man to yourself go out every once in a while and try to surprise your better half every so often. Get a babysitter and go out together. Just because you r a father now doesnt mean you wont have a life anymore although sometimes it might feel that way. Good luck to you and congratulations on the little one
2006-12-13 08:20:25 · answer #2 · answered by purple butterfly 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What freedom? Being a father doesn't rid you of any freedom. There's nothing stopping you from just walking out of that door. It won't be right, it won't be fair, but you can do it. You can just disappear. The only think you'll be losing is x amount of pounds to child benefits, hah, if they ever catch up with you. Believe it or not you got the easy end of the deal. You've just ruined your patner's freedom too, the freedom of a great body, the freedom of a clear conscience, the freedom to go out with her friends and be a sexy single girl, not just a "mother."
You are the only one holding yourself back, because it is your decision to do the right thing.
Your child need never know that you were its reluctant father. You could start up a new life, hell, get a new identity, become a complete deadbeat dad and not give a toss and be with anyone you like and drink until your liver dies. But one day that child will be your age and it will remember what you did to him/her and the mother, and if you were in the same position, I'm sure you'd be resentful.
2006-12-13 08:08:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Isn't it amazing how hindsight is 20/20? Please do not marry this woman if you are not in love with her. You will make all 3 of you miserable. Definitely talk to her about your fears because I can guarantee she has some of her own, including her own freedom losses.Every new parent goes through a period of "OMG what am I doing?!?!?" You both with have to be accountable to this little person. Your child did not ask to be here, nor did he/she ask to be a burden to you. Please do not EVER make your child feel like a mistake. It is time to man up and ask yourself what kind of father you want to be. IF you had a good father, talk to him and ask for advice, if not, now would be the time to seek the advice of some men who have been there/done that. You may also want to look into a parenting class for yourself. Having children is a blessing that a lot of people will go through life never having. I truly hope you wake up and realize you are not losing anything, but gaining everything. If you feel you can't be with your girlfriend, then make sure you support her as the mother of your child, respect her, help with financial obligations and don't be a dead beat. We have enough of those around as is.
2006-12-13 08:53:08 · answer #4 · answered by creole woman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, you are being very self centered. Your concerns right now should be the mama, the baby and how you are going to make a life for your new child. You are truly blessed to be having a child...why not think about all the joy the baby will bring to your life. I think you're afraid of growing up. Get a grip...you're not losing anything...you will still be the same person, but I think you'll be surprised at how you feel the first time you see and hold your child. Nothing in this world will compare to that moment. Think positive instead of being selfish. Oh and next time, use protection if you're not ready for responsibilities.
2006-12-13 11:44:19 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
why do you have to lose freedom to be a dad , you can still see your mates only now you will see them with a baby on your arm you will have to become really organized make sure you take all your baby's changing things and food with you (if the baby is breast fed don't forget to take the mother as well)this is not loss of freedom it is just a new phrase of your life.
if you take your time once that baby is here hold it ,kiss it ,change it, bath it , bond with your baby from day one , and you will never again worry about things you might have missed out on, because no matter what else ever happens you will have that little someone in your life that you will love forever.
all the best.
2006-12-13 08:15:14 · answer #6 · answered by P J 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You have a huge freedom opportunity found in your child. Kids are a blast when they are younger than 10 years old because they love to joke around and play, whereas adults tend to be way too serious and solemn and taken with their own greatness. I so enjoy being with kids and wish I could be back with my kids when they were 2 years old. So fun just to watch the dreamy look in their eyes as they float about life and have a good time all the time. I would say you are lucky indeed to have a baby to watch that baby grow up; I am incredibly envious. We adults need to learn from kids and lighten up!
2006-12-14 00:08:00 · answer #7 · answered by Lighthearted 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay Mr. Selfish let's think about this one. Isn't the mother going to loose her freedom also? What about the grand parents when you want them to stay home and baby sit so you can go do something. Having a family is about placing your loved one's needs first not your own. If your freedom means more to you than your family then you better speak up now and let someone know. Remember, all play and no work makes Jack a damned jerk.
2006-12-13 08:08:44 · answer #8 · answered by MsFancy 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The truth of the matter is, you do lose some "freedoms", but the joy you get by not only being a father, but a DAD, is so much more than the loss of those "freedoms". I'm a much better man, and husband since I've had children.
2006-12-13 08:07:46 · answer #9 · answered by gah32 1 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Don't worry ....if done right...you STILL get to do what you want. Don't let the bull you see in society or tv get you down. My son is 18 and became a dad and does the same sh*t he has always done...he just now had to add support baby to his agenda. He still goes out with friends and he even takes classes. A baby isn't the end of the world or the end of fun. I raised and am raising 4 sons (ages 8 -18) BY MYSELF and I havent given up a damn thing. I still do happy hour, dinners, I just graduated from college this year (associates degree), I take enrichment classes, I go on trips (this year went to Bahamas & Mrytle Beach) Its ALLL about how you do it. If you don't want to marry DON'T (u dont sound ready) Its okay to be nervous about the unknown but its all what you make it. Don't let family or friends tell you that you have to stay in the house and play hubby and daddy allll the time. Do social activities in moderation and ALWAYS make sure your child's NEEDS are ALWAYS taken care of. You will be just fine ....I'M LIVING PROOF!
2006-12-13 08:10:24 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋
That's why birth control was invented. But anyways . . . You now have huge responsibilities in front of you. Once that child gets here your life will change dramatically. I don't know what it is you "want" to do, but you have to prioritize yourself. You are bringing another human being into this world (who didn't ask to come here in the first place) whatever choices you make will affect that baby. So stop whining and be responsible, if not for yourself, but for your child. Good luck.
2006-12-13 08:12:03 · answer #11 · answered by rauldp38 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋