I am trying to gather as much information as possible. If you had a cousin going into foster care, would you step up and take her in?
Some general family info - We (hubby and I) are in our 30s with two boys ages 3, and 6. Money is - for lack of a better term "stable" but not great, we do OK. We love children, but have to admit are kind of scared of jumping into the ring with a teenager (lol) with no experience at it. So we are asking everyone's opinion - What would you do? seriously, really stop and think, put yourself in our shoes. Do you take her in? Please answer Yes or No, then give a reason
There is more detail to the question in regards to my cousin's history, but I want everyone's opinion based on what's provided, or with out being influenced by her past. I will ask another question with all her history later.
2006-12-12 22:45:17 · 23 answers · asked by 1 Supermom 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank You everyone so far with the great answers. Please guys don't thumb down others opinions. I asked for opinions and am getting them. I gave everyone a thumbs up, even the person who said they wouldn't, because as long as it's honest, it helps. THANKS ever so much
2006-12-12 23:08:25 · update #1
I'm not saying it will be easy, she'll have emotional issues to work through and your boys might feel jealous suddenly having this "intruder" in the house but life isn't easy and sometimes the most worthy things we accomplish are the ones that were the hardest to do.
As long as your husband is ok with it (and please do make sure that he's being honest and not just saying "ok" to be nice but is actually committed to the work involved) then do it.
2006-12-13 02:08:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 5⤋
Sometimes the kids that are the hardest to love are the ones that need it the most. Don't let her get in the system, it will send her the message that no one cares enoughto step up and take a chance on her. ALL teenagers are trouble, some more than others. Sometimes all it takes to turn that around is one person saying, you matter to me, no matter what you have done. foster care is a great place to send kids who have no one else, but she is your family. She's only 13. If she was 17, I would say a year in foster care isn't the worst thing that could ever happen, but 5 years of foster care, being tossed around and all the instability that brings to your life can set a kid up for a lifetime of mental and emotional instability. Give her a chance. You will also be teaching your own kids that people in your family aren't just thrown away when they aren't perfect.
2006-12-12 22:59:06 · answer #2 · answered by ruthie a 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family is family.... the fact that she is headed in foster care kind of tells me her mother has either given up or is not capable of raising her for whatever reasons. This would have a huge impact on the little girl. 13 is a teenager but she is still a little girl. If it were me i would give it a go...maybe she just needs some guidance, discipline, love, understanding and a family to support her. Its hard to answer the question in detail without knowing the history of the child or her parents. BUT every child deserves a second chance. Knowing what i know about the foster care system in the USA she stands a way better chance with you to guide and love her...maybe councelling ? Love & Security is foremost in a childs needs.You may not be able to give her the world , she probably doesnt want it .. what she probably wants is to know someone loves her no matter what.
2016-05-23 17:25:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It really depends on your relationship with your cousin. I have seen this work and I have seen this be a disaster. If you have a good loving relationship and the girl is mentally stable....do it. But, if she is bipolar or has mental problems she may not appreciate your efforts and this is a nightmare waiting to happen. If this is the case, remember your kids come first. You don't need a monster in your house. If she has a history of behavior problems foster care can get her the right help. If you take her, look into being a foster parent yourself. You could get government aid for her care through the foster care system.
2006-12-12 23:17:54 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes . She is a child. I have done that with my families children. Always give the benefit of the doubt. She needs to feel loved. She deserves someone who is willing to love her unconditionally. There are things about the situation am sure you do not know. Keep an open mind and stand by her. And for some parents they for whatever reasons could not give what the child needed. Am sure they love her unconditionally and are hurt knowing that. But you do what you need to do for the child.What is always best for them. I think you should make the effort. I never regretted taking care of any of them. It was a joy i could not see missing. They all still come back to me. They are like my own. My 20 year old nephew is coming back at Christmas. To live with us again. We look forward to him being here. Money is modest . But the kids are well cared for. Sacrifice does not compare to the joy a child brings. At any age.
2006-12-12 23:20:11 · answer #5 · answered by bountyhunter101 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you feel that you would be good parents for her then I would say that you should definently take her in. Sometimes a child with a bad history (or background) just needs the love and attention to help make things better for them. I think that you being her family anyways, would be a good way for her to start a new. Granted, some children don't change with a better lifestyle but it all depends on the people involved. You could change her life to the better but there is no way to tell without trying.
Good luck!
2006-12-12 22:57:24 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I would take her in.
I have a friend who grew up in foster care and she is very bitter behind it. She had a big family and no one took her in. She has told me stories of things that she has had to endure in foster homes...not pretty.
My best friend took in her 2 cousins that were on their way to foster care. She has had both for 6 years. At times she thinks its trying but she couldn't imagine it any other way and treats them as her children.
If you and your husband are stable enough to take her in do it. Talk to other family members and friends for moral support close to home. What has helped my friend a lot is having support from friends and family to make the situation work.
If you are a praying woman, pray on it and be guided by your heart. Not having taken care of a teen before may be scarey just as when you had your first child it was scarey to take care of an infant. You will learn as you go. If there are some behavior problems to begin with I would set boundaries with her. Rules to live by in your house. She will no longer be your cousin but a minor that you are responsible for. Worst case and I mean worst case it doesn't work out and she has to go into foster care after you try.
I wish you the best and I will keep your family in my prayers this holiday season.
2006-12-12 23:00:57 · answer #7 · answered by whoamitojudge 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Your concerns shows that you are a very responsible person. Taking in a child not only means extra expences, but more responsibiliites on his well-being. since you are a parent yourself, sooner or later you may have to tackle the teenager problem. Of course, the one who is not your own may be tough on your disciplines. Well, at the moment, I think it is more important to that she has a family and loving "parents" than other social issues. Some kids find their foster families good as their own, others do not.
I actually knew a child whose mother send him to foster family and was not a good one. it costed some money to court battle for his aunt to get him back. If you love the child, and do not want to take any chances, talk to her to see if she is happy to live with you.
But you have no obligation to take her in if you do not intend to treat her as one of your own kids. You will end up with a lot of miseries which is not worth it.
2006-12-13 01:07:43 · answer #8 · answered by J F 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you know the circumstances behind the foster care??? Has the child been required to go into foster care because of something SHE has done??? You'll need to know, because that could have a bearing on whether there are special requirements for looking after her or dealing with her...
If your family is a stable one and your marriage is strong and you feel you are upto the task, go for it...
2006-12-12 22:56:30 · answer #9 · answered by Forlorn Hope 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, and the reason is this, our culture, while claiming "In God We Trust", has left behind every Christian principle that founded it. Family, has been devalued and trivialized to the point that we are turning our backs on our own flesh and blood because it inconvenience's us in our journey to self-realization...There was a time when family meant something...Somebody somewhere in the family was willing to step in when one member got lost, and needed help. Now a days, most the kids in the foster system have family members that could easily step in and help, yet they refuse to because...it doesn't fit their "agendas"...Help that girl, God will bless you more than you know...being a Christian has more to do with the action of the word, than just the speaking of the word itself.....
2006-12-12 22:57:49 · answer #10 · answered by every woman 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have a cousin who asked to come live with us when she was 13 years old. We talked about, but her grandmother decided to let her stay with her. She just turned 15 this month, she's been suspended from school. She is into drugs. She thinks she might be pregnant. She has no rules to follow, and no one to care for her. I wish we had let her come live with us. Things might have turned out the same way, but at least we could have said that we gave her a chance and that we tried.
2006-12-12 22:55:47 · answer #11 · answered by zil28ennov 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋