I am trying to gather as much information as possible. If you had a cousin going into foster care, would you step up and take her in?
Some general family info - We (hubby and I) are in our 30s with two boys ages 3, and 6. Money is - for lack of a better term "stable" but not great, we do OK. We love children, but have to admit are kind of scared of jumping into the ring with a teenager (lol) with no experience at it. So we are asking everyone's opinion - What would you do? seriously, really stop and think, put yourself in our shoes. Do you take her in? Please answer Yes or No, then give a reason.
There is more detail to the question in regards to my cousin's history, but I want everyone's opinion based on what's provided, or with out being influenced by her past. I will ask another question with all her history later.
2006-12-12 22:43:27 · 9 answers · asked by 1 Supermom 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
YES! Everyone is scared of the teen years (and none of us ever started with experience!) But it sounds like you and your family can offer exactly what your cousin needs -- stability and love -- at a very critical time in her life. It's normal to be very nervous and wonder what you're getting yourself into. It's good to go in with your eyes wide open. But it is exactly these qualities that will help you to be the family she needs so badly.
Continue to ask questions, and put together a support system of folks you trust and can talk to, and who can assist as needed. Especially seek out families you respect who have been through the teen years. If you're not yet members of a church or other faith group, now might be a good time to consider it, as they can provide invaluable help and encouragement during this time, too -- not just for you, but also your cousin.
Will there be challenges? Yes. Your cousin no doubt feels great pain and a sense of abandonment, all of which must be worked through or it will play out in very self-destructive ways. She may act out at first to see if you will abandon her, too. Counseling for her as well as family counseling could be very helpful early on. This could help you deal with issues very quickly, and could guide you in setting healthy patterns from the get-go. Do a lot of listening, treat her with respect, but don't be afraid to set limits.
I know of a couple of families who have been in this same position, and decided to take in the teen relative. Challenging? Yes. Regrets? No!
And absolute worst case scenario? Foster care will still be there if things don't work out. Good luck, and my prayers are with you!
2006-12-12 23:25:25 · answer #1 · answered by SeeJoy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Family is family.... the fact that she is headed in foster care kind of tells me her mother has either given up or is not capable of raising her for whatever reasons. This would have a huge impact on the little girl. 13 is a teenager but she is still a little girl. If it were me i would give it a go...maybe she just needs some guidance, discipline, love, understanding and a family to support her. Its hard to answer the question in detail without knowing the history of the child or her parents. BUT every child deserves a second chance. Knowing what i know about the foster care system in the USA she stands a way better chance with you to guide and love her...maybe councelling ? Love & Security is foremost in a childs needs.You may not be able to give her the world , she probably doesnt want it .. what she probably wants is to know someone loves her no matter what.
2006-12-13 07:13:46 · answer #2 · answered by michiliana 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would give it a go,I don't know abour her history or past but, maybe you could turn her life around with better parenting... She is your family. Think about this when you were 13 would you have wanted to spend time in foster care.
A child that age will be moved from foster home to foster home until she reaches 18.. It will just make her an emotional mess..
2006-12-13 08:03:20 · answer #3 · answered by Tracy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, Why ? Because she is your family and a 13 year old girl it might affect her.she might feel that no one cares for her and if her history is bad maybe all she needs is love and you could show her the right way and if your not fully financially stable there is government help . Or try to find anther family member that she can live with or take her in !
2006-12-13 07:08:36 · answer #4 · answered by Dee-Dee 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, I would. I was in the foster care system for ten years and it would have been great if I had had a family member who was stable enough to provide a home for me.
2006-12-14 08:25:12 · answer #5 · answered by wisegirl1204 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would give your cousin a chance no matter what when my boyfriend's aunt passed away she left behind 2 teenage son's 1 went with his sister the other stayed with us and he was a serious problem child we did everything we could for him and it wasn't enough he still got into trouble but we were glad that we did our best to help him and atleast we kept him outta trouble til he was 18 so I guess we did our job.
2006-12-13 07:09:13 · answer #6 · answered by fluttergirl2004 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would say yes if you plan on keeping her no matter what kind of problems come in the future. The reason why I say that is because at age 9 my mother died and my father wasn't around. I moved 12 different times in 7 years and it wasn't fun. In and out with different aunts and uncles, ect.. I wish you good luck in your decision.
2006-12-13 07:34:14 · answer #7 · answered by shorty 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes I would - I firstly am putting myself in this girl's shoes - scared, alone, feeling unloved, abandoned.... Now I put myself in your shoes - I can afford to raise this child, the only thing stopping me is the fear of the UNKNOWN - "teenagers". My personal opinion is, that you will learn to deal with this teenager, as you have learned to deal with your own children. Than having to worry and wonder where she would be placed - at least with you she is safe, and loved... Good luck with your decision...
2006-12-13 07:43:26 · answer #8 · answered by Dani _M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
yes! i have been in some what our shoes. I took a neice in 14 with a little anger issues. I had her for a while she was pretty good . She had alot of changing to adjust to. my rules . it work out well. lots of up and down dont get me wrong. But she was with family.
2006-12-13 16:29:31 · answer #9 · answered by latina 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋