I have been going out with this girl for two years and she has a child from a previous marriage. Sounds like a lot of responsibility but I like it. We are like any other relationship and we have our problems. At one point we broke up and then got back together, only one week apart from each other. We talked things out and we were okay and back together, it has been about 2.5 months since then and now I come to find out that she slept with this guy while we broke up. Technically she slept with someone else when we weren't together, but then also she slept with someone almost 5-6 days right after our break up? after a relationship of two years? After this incident she has not kept in touch with this guy or anything. Tomorrow is when I am going to talk to her and tell her that I am out and leave her. But what if she begs to come back and ****, what if she really does feel bad and cant live without me and ****. Her friend told me she knew about it and told me she feels bad for what she did
2006-12-12 22:30:29 · 21 answers · asked by JJG 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I can see it both ways. Only you can really decide what is best for you.
It comes down to if you can trust her again and how much you love her.
It is very easy to walk away when someone hurts you but you can't allow someone to walk all over you either.
Good luck.
2006-12-12 22:39:43 · answer #1 · answered by pj_gal 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Considering you've been together for 2 years and you are also emotionally invested in her child, I think you owe it to all 3 parties involved to try to get through this. Plus considering that you're just now finding out about it after 2.5 months ago? Kind of a mute point to make now-to the extent of ending the relationship anyway...especially considering that #1 you were broke up at the time , #2 she has experessed internal guilt over it, #3 she isn't keeping in touch with the guy. If you WEREN'T broke up, if she DIDN'T feel bad for it and if she WERE keeping in touch??--THEN I'd worry and feel the need to say something! Maybe she was just so devastated over the break up that she got caught up in a moment?(Been known to happen!)
I'm not saying that I wouldn't be hurt to think I was so easily/quickly replaced or substituted for, however...if you weren't together at the time and when it happened she was under the impression that you guys were done, that may have been her way of trying to move past it or something. Not the BEST way to get over something, but hey-who are we to judge?
What if the shoe were on the other foot? What if YOU had been the one to seek comfort from another-not knowing that you'd get back together so soon? Wouldn't you want her to try to understand/forgive?
Think about it- If she were REALLY trying to be deceitful or hurtful to you, she wouldn't have waited until you were seperated, she would have of cheated while WITH you...but this wasn't "cheating" as it is.
IF this TRULY bothers you to the point where the knowledge of it is going to affect your relationship, then -of course- talk to her about it. Don't be insulting or accusational, just explain to her that you've become aware of it and although it happened while seperated, it still hurts your feelings that she was able to get that close to someone else so soon.
ANY relationship that you get into , when for the "long haul", is going to encounter situations that you may feel are insurmountable, but if you love eachother things CAN be worked out---if you want them to.
GOOD LUCK!
2006-12-13 06:47:07 · answer #2 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey mate i'm janie from australia and it sounds like you have quite the predicament. Honestly no one can really tell you what to do because only you are connected entirely to the situation. I think the hardest person hit in all of this would be the child, children know more than you and i think. I think nothing is ever so bad that it cant be worked through, your feelings have to be valadated and she has tpo be told how she's made you feel ect. Communication is so the key here , because when we dont know what others are thinking we sometimes make it up in our own minds and can get it quite wrong. I think she owes you an apology and a promise. Good luck mate i hope i was of some help!!
2006-12-13 06:40:06 · answer #3 · answered by janie_babiee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes people think the easiest way to get over someone is to get under them (if you know what I mean). Most generally that doesn't work. However, I don't believe that it is right that you dump her because she slept with somone when you two were broken up. She didn't know that she was going to get back with you.
When there is a child involved, a relationship cannot be a teeter-totter ride. You have to be mature enough to realize that she was her own single person when you two weren't together. It's not fair to judge her by what she did when you two weren't together. You also can't just get back together with her and then break up because this child probably cares for you. Be mature and truly think about everything before you split up with her.
2006-12-13 06:35:35 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well by all means, forgive her so that you do not damage yourself emotionally. But when you guys broke up, it should have been understood from that point that the relationship was over. So what if she slept with another guy less than week later- The relationship was OVER so it didn't matter at that point. I am sure that when you broke up, you didnt do it with some sort of "grace period" where you and she were supposed to wait a couple of months in case you got back together. You cannot break things off with someone with the intention of getting back together later and you certainly cannot break things off expecting her not to go on with her life.
So when the relationship ended early on, whatever she did after that was fair game. But if you personally cannot deal with that, then you should go on and break it off.
2006-12-13 06:38:39 · answer #5 · answered by Joe K 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Hmm.. that's a hard one.
The decision actually depends on you. If you really love her then you can find it in your heart to forgive her and give her one more chance. She could have had her reasons why she slept with another guy, maybe she was totally depressed that the 2 of you broke up. Some people are like that, you know. they do stuff they end up regreting coz of depression.
Talk to her sincerely and tell her that you really love her, that's why you can forgive her. And that she can also prove her love to you by staying loyal and not repeating the same mistake again.
If she really did regret sleeping with the other guy and if she really loves you, then there's no problem for her to stay true right?
But if it ever happens again, no more excuses. It's over and done.
Good Luck! =D
2006-12-13 06:38:12 · answer #6 · answered by mAi2x 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why should she beg you? She slept with another guy at a time when you and her were not in a relationship. She has nothing to feel badly about. You are a pompous fool, and I see absolutely no reason why she shouldn't be able to live very well without you.
2006-12-13 06:33:46 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
She was rebounding to try and feel better, and she had no intentions of starting a new relationship with that guy. Since you weren't together, she had a right to sleep with whoever she wanted. But if you're feelings are so tainted, you can never feel right about her again, than move on. Remember that people are human and make mistakes.
2006-12-13 06:34:32 · answer #8 · answered by ∂ίятУ ℓάυиḋгÿ 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
have you talked to her at all yet? maybe she just never told you because she knew it would hurt you. and people do a lot of stupid stuff when they're hurting (which might be why she did it). instead of immediately breaking up with her over it, talk to her. tell her that you wish she had just told you. find out if maybe this can be worked out instead of trashing a 2 year relationship over what may not be as big of an issue as it feels to be right now.
2006-12-13 06:34:56 · answer #9 · answered by Eowyn 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You are ending a relationship because your g/f acted like she was single when she was single? Her child is going to end up hurt because you cannot handle that she behaved like she was single when she was.....What do you think that makes you look like?
I say she is better off if you do leave. If she begs you to come back, she is not thinking of herself or her child. I doubt she will since she was fine last time. Make the break, it's good for both of you at this point.
2006-12-13 06:33:44 · answer #10 · answered by Star 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋