question for muslim men?

Question

having done a little research into islam, why is it that, although the holy books give women equal rights, and leave it for women to decide on veiling etc, the men have insisted that women wear veils, women walk behind them, women can't go into mosques etc... ie. why are women treated in such a derogatory manner, when the scripture says that women shouldn't be treated in this way? please give scripture references to support your arguements.
please don't answer that this never happens, i've seen the attitude in action... women, in some muslim countries, are treated like 5hit on the sole of mens shoes.... i just want to know why, and what the justification is.

if it is a case of local culture... what is the justification for a country using shi'a (spelling?) law, but then going against the book itself and not giving equal rights to women.... justification i'm looking for. it seems hypocritical to me... so there must be some way this is being justified.

Answer 1

Widely held misconception:
In Islam, women are inferior to men because:

a Man can marry up to 4 Wives,
a Woman can marry only one Man,
a Man's share of inheritance is bigger than a Woman's,
a Man can marry a non-Muslim, a woman cannot women must wear veil.




This widely held misconception does not remotely follow from the reasons given. The first and most important observation to make about the popular question

"Are men and women equal?"

Is that it is a badly-formed, unanswerable question. The problem which many people conveniently ignore is that "equal" is not defined. This is a very critical point: the equality must be specified with respect to some measurable property. For example, women on average are superior to men if we ask who is shorter in height than the other ("Growth and Development", Encyclopaedia Britannica, 1992). Women are also superior on average if we ask whom do children bond to deeper, mothers or fathers. Women are also superior on average if we ask who has a tendency to socialize more. On the other hand, men are superior on average if we ask who is taller in height than the other.

And so on: every question can be turned around, and more importantly these are properties which are irrelevant.

What then, is the really important property which we are worried about in terms of gender equality? Naturally, from the point of view of the Qur'an and Sunnah, the obvious important property is who is dearer to Allah, men or women? This question is emphatically answered in the Qur'an (translation),



If any do deeds of righteousness - be they male or female, and have faith, they will enter Paradise, and not the least injustice will be done to them. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 4, Verse 124.

For Muslim men and women, for believing men and women, for devout men and women, for truthful men and women, for men and women who are patient and constant, for men and women who humble themselves, for men and women who give in charity, for men and women who fast, for men and women who guard their chastity, and for men and women who engage much in Allah's praise, for them has Allah prepared forgiveness and great reward. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 33, Verse 35.

The Qur'an and Sunnah repeat over and over again that Allah only favors one person over another based on that person's awareness, consciousness, fear, love, and hope of Allah (the Arabic word is difficult to translate: Taqwa). All other criteria are excluded: gender, ethnic group, country, ancestry, etc.

Given that Allah does not favor one gender over the other in His attention to us (and it helps to remember that Allah is neither male nor female), we can now address the differences between the genders in Islam. First, men and women are not the same as we know. The Creator states in the Qur'an (translation),

...and the male is not like the female. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 3, Verse 36

Men and women are different in their composition, and in their responsibilities under Islam. However, both are bound by obligations to one another, especially the following important one which must be understood in any discussion on men and women.From the Qur'an (translation),
And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 24, Verse 32.

In this verse, the Creator emphasizes that marriage is to be vigorously pursued by the Muslims: the state of being single is not to be maintained. With this in mind, we can begin to understand the four reasons cited above for the nonetheless erroneous conclusion. Men and women are different in their responsibilities towards the families that they are strongly encouraged to set up. Women are not obligated to work, whereas men are obligated. The man must provide for the family, but the woman does not have to spend out of her money for it, though she gets a reward for doing so. Allah says in the Qur'an (translation),

Men are in charge of women, because Allah hath made the one of them to excel the other, and because they spend of their property (for the support of women). So good women are the obedient, guarding in secret that which Allah hath guarded. As for those from whom ye fear rebellion, admonish them and banish them to beds apart, and scourge them. Then if they obey you, seek not a way against them. Lo! Allah is ever High, Exalted, Great. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 4, Verse 34.

[2:24:545] From the Sunnah, specifically in the study of the Sunnah called Sahih Bukhari, we find:
Narrated `Amr bin Al-Harith: Zainab, the wife of `Abdullah said, "I was in the Mosque and saw the Prophet (pbuh) saying, `O women ! Give alms even from your ornaments.' " Zainab used to provide for `Abdullah and those orphans who were under her protection. So she said to `Abdullah, "Will you ask Allah's Apostle whether it will be sufficient for me to spend part of the Zakat on you and the orphans who are under my protection?" He replied "Will you yourself ask Allah's Apostle ?" (Zainab added): So I went to the Prophet and I saw there an Ansari woman who was standing at the door (of the Prophet ) with a similar problem as mine. Bilal passed by us and we asked him, `Ask the Prophet whether it is permissible for me to spend (the Zakat) on my husband and the orphans under my protection.' And we requested Bilal not to inform the Prophet about us. So Bilal went inside and asked the Prophet regarding our problem. The Prophet (p.b.u.h) asked, "Who are those two?" Bilal replied that she was Zainab. The Prophet said, "Which Zainab?" Bilal said, "The wife of `Adullah (bin Masud)." The Prophet said, "Yes, (it is sufficient for her) and she will receive a double rewards (for that): One for helping relatives, and the other for giving Zakat."

Given that husbands are obligated to provide for wives, and that marriage is a highly recommended goal of Islam, it is easy to see why women's inheritance share is half that of men. We note also that men are obligated to provide a suitable dowry to women on marriage. In fact, it is preferable at this point to speak in terms of husbands and wives instead of men and women. Allah says in the Qur'an (translation),

And give women their dowries as a free gift, but if they of themselves be pleased to give up to you a portion of it, then eat it with enjoyment and with wholesome result. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 4, Verse 4.

Allah says in the Qur'an (translation),
...And they (women) have rights similar to those (of men) over them in kindness, and men are a degree above them... The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 2, Verse 228.

This one degree in no way affects the position of the Creator in which He has stated that He does not hold women dearer to him than men, or vice versa. Rather it is simply a way of partitioning responsibilities in a household of two adults: someone must make the final decision on daily matters. As will be shown below in a section on a different misconception, though the final decision rests with the husband, it is through mutual consultation that decisions are best reached at.

While men are allowed to marry up to four wives, they are also commanded to meet the preconditions of being able to financially support them. They must also deal with each wife justly and fairly with respect to marital and economic obligations. Allah says in the Qur'an (translation),
If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 4, Verse 3.

Moreover, women are allowed to reject any marriage proposal made to her by prospective suitors, thus if she does not feel she can abide by the rules of the Qur'an and Sunnah if she marries a certain person, she can reject his proposal. While it is irrelevant to Islam, it is worthwhile to note that both Judaism and Christianity allow polygamy. The idea is not as foreign to the non-Muslims as is often claimed.

Finally, the wearing of the veil by women is also an illogical premise to claim that women are inferior to men. It is more appropriate to indict a society of female exploitation if it tolerates pornography rather than if it enforces the veil. Given that Allah is neither male nor female, given that He does not endear people to Himself based on their gender, given that the Creator cares about all of us male or female, given that the sexual and violent drive of men is stronger than that of women, given all this, it is illogical to cast a negative light on the following injunctions contained in the Qur'an (translation),
O Prophet, tell your wives and daughters and the believing women to draw their outer garments around them (when they go out or are among men). That is better in order that they may be known (to be Muslims) and not be annoyed. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 33, Verse 59.

Say to the believing man that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that will make for greater purity for them; and Allah is well acquainted with all that they do. And say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; and that they should not display their beauty and ornaments except what must ordinarily appear thereof; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display their beauty except to their husbands. The Holy Qur'an, Chapter 24, Verses 30-31.

On this misconception, there is a great deal more to write, most of it showing how current practices in many Muslim lands go against what the Qur'an and Sunnah have ordained, lands in which women are treated as property (unIslamic), are not educated (unIslamic), are forbidden their economic rights (unIslamic), and more. On this point in particular, we encourage everyone to consult the Qur'an and Sunnah before incriminating Islam. Always remember that Islam is a complete way of life from the Creator, and that Muslims are people who claim to follow that way of life. A Muslim may claim to follow Islam, but be wrong.

Answer 2

"leave it for women to decide on veiling etc" .. wrong. Islam already has given directions what and how to do. Muslim women have to follow it. If a woman doesn't follow and tends to pick which one to follow and which one to not, then it's all upto her. She will be responsible.

Wearing veils is not mentioned in Qur'an. But the requirements of Islamic dress code for women is fully satisfied when a woman wears veil. A husband has to correct his wife if she is negligent of Islamic rules. Because if a husband doesn't care about his wife's
carelessness and allow to wear skirts and T shirts, he will possibly be responsible. But, here, I think a good Muslim man would not marry such a girl in the first place.

"Women walk behind men" most probably a cultural issue rather than a religious stance. So far i know Islam doesn't order such weird thing.

Women can attend mosques. But, as prophet Muhammad (pbuh) didn't order women to attend prayers like he ordered men, it is better for them to stay at home and pray.

If some women are treated that bad, it is definitely the men's fault who do that, and they deserve punishment. Islam is not only most misunderstood by non-Muslims, but also misunderstood by some Muslims too.

Answer 3

Islam commands men to treat women kindly. The women are jewels of the house. They should have their own money, women do not have to spend a penny in the house unless they want to. They should not be treated harshly or in a way that is not kind. They should not bother to even buy the house requirements because it's a troublesome task and therefore made for men. A woman's responsibility is to cook, and keep the house clean (if her husband in unable to provide a maid), raise the kids and keep pretty and good looking for her husband's eyes.
Men on the other hand have to do the hard tasks. Work outside the house, buying house necessities, dealing with any matters that requires communicating with a stranger to protect the woman from any annoyance that may cause, and fix anything that's broken.
In Islam, to get married, a man should provide everything needed for the house and for the woman he's marrying. He should get a house, furnish it, pay a dowery and buy her a wedding gift. A man is supposed to provide a similar standard of living as the woman was living with her parents, if he can, and unless she exempts him of a part of it.
I do not think that has anything to do with treating women in an inferior way, in fact it cherishes the woman and keeps her safe from any harm or even annoyance. I am not saying some of what you say is true but it’s only fair to make it clear that anything different than that is either cultural or men practicing their power of control, but has nothing to do with religion.

Answer 4

Yes Women have their own choice that to wear veil.yes women r trated just like a shoe of Husband.Islam does not say any thing,in Islam husband has no right to beat there wife.e.g there r 100 muslims but only 3 people will actually be a true Muslim other will be only muslim of name.In Pakistan there r 98 % muslim but every thing happen.The things which r strictly forbidden in islam,Muslim do that e.g drinking, and many other thing.To take the life of innocent people is Haram (strictly forbidden )i n Islam but u can see in Iraq Muslims r killing other Muslims.
Plz give ur email adress so i can give u all detail with complete referance.

Answer 5

I was in a shoe shop in Soho Rd. Birmingham and was about to be served when this Muslim man barged in front of me at the counter, I did what I'd do to anyone who had no manners I shoved him to the side and told the assistant what I wanted. I then explained to this Ignoramus that in this country we do not push people out of the way to get what we want, the look on his face was priceless' I will admit I did go on about it for the 30 mins it took me to choose a pair of socks it ended up with an older Muslim saying something to him in Pakistani where at that he left.
Not all Muslim men are like this, or perhaps not brave enough to try and treat white women who are not Muslims the same way as they treat their own.
Yet I know a woman who has been married to a Muslim for over 30 years and she is quite happy.
I truly think that Muslim women can speak English and who live in this country like to be treated like slaves by their men as there is lots of help out there, unfortunately men do not allow some of the others to learn the language for their own agenda .

Answer 6

Sofia, I'm sure that someone else will answer your question sufficiently (to do with cultures rather than religions) But i just wanted to say WELL DONE!! Well done on researching something that is commonly taken as a fact of Islam where as actually its non of the sort. Well done on recognising that Muslim women are equal in islam, and most importantly, well done for asking a question, rather than believeing the opinions of the masses!!!

Answer 7

What rinat wrote is what my Muslim husband has told me many times over and what I witnessed when I went to his country earlier this year to marry. I did not witness any disrespect of the men toward any woman. While getting approval for marriage, I thought at first that this was happening but realized later that no one talked to me because I did not speak the language!

For Muslims, it is like that with us Christians. Our men are supposed to take care of the hard tasks and leave the wife to take care of the home. The men are to love the women as they love their bodies. The bible does say that the man is in charge and that the woman is to be in submission to him.

I am sure that many men from all religious sects choose, at one time or another, to follow what their mind dictates and not look to God for instruction. Therefore, you have men straying from the Word fo God (as is the case with some women of those same religions).

I think there are Muslim men who are more aggressive in their behavior that does not show them in a good light. Muslims, as a whole, however, should not be judged because of these men, as they do not represent ALL Muslims.

When my husband tells me he was taught to treat me like a Queen (and he does), I reciprocate and tell him (and treat him) like he is my King. I know a few other Muslim men from work and they are all very respectable to all people. So, we need to stop this generalization of people.

Answer 8

if them not AL-quran or misunderstood the meaning them will become like that.some of them become like that is because about their own family that bought from age of jahiliyah(the time before Muhammad bring Islam).

other explanation is the people WHO hate Islam just say they was Muslim and show he is Muslim in her and then get a honour to teaching the society,what would happen?

2.some people WHO goes to far from the true side and teaching other people.

3.the bad teori,it's bring from generation to generation,example:the village believe them has to give fruit to the big tree before Islam come then Islam come them convert it some are not,then WHO some people convert Islam still doing the "thing",that will make her faith broken slowly and slowly and then gone too far from Islam except someone save her.

Answer 9

because holy books are for the most part interpreted by ignorant men, in accordance with males' desire to dominate females. Simple as that. I've said it before, that when I see a lesbian intellectual unmarried mother invited to preach in a mosque, I'll feel a little better about islam. A little better, but not much, as I am an atheist, and religion gives me the creeps.

Answer 10

Its my favorite muslim q*eer again. Mr. Stick. OHHHH boyyyy I bet you do like the stick. Do you play with all the camel balls in your country???? I heard that your pretend wife likes to pull back that veil and lick camels balls every once in a while. That would be a cool little three way for you muslims wouldn't it. You standing a stool pumping the camel's @$$ and your wife and kids down there licking the camel's nutz. Also, what did I tell you about stealing my dirty fart smelling underwear to wear on your head??? Calling all cars. Calling all cars. Be on the lookout for a muslim "aka" terrorists wearing tidy whities on his head. HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!

Answer 11

Give women the power and they will take it and run the show- want proof, look at indian slums. While the men lay around or work, the women are in control of the finance, circumventing the men and taking charge of the family.

This is the fear of many misguided muslim men, who fear the power of commitment for the above reason.