Do you know any funny joke?

Answer 1

A beautiful young woman, on an international flight, asked the priest beside her, "Father, may I ask a favour?"

"Of course you may. What can I do for you?"

"Well, I bought this expensive electronic hair dryer that is well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid that they'll confiscate it from me. Is there anyway that you could carry it through Customs for me? Under your robes perhaps?"

"I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you: I will not lie."

"With your honest face, Father, no one will question you."

When they got to Customs, the young lady let the priest go ahead of her. The Customs Officer asked, "Father, do you have anything to declare?"

"From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare."

The Officer thought this answer strange, so he asked, "And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?"

"I have a marvelous little instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused."

Roaring with laughter, the Officer said, "God bless you, Father, go ahead."

Answer 2

Two midgets are out on the town, they decide after a heavy drinking session that they should go and visit some 'working girls'. So they walk into the massage parlour and go into different rooms. The first midget is trying to get down to business but is having trouble because he cant stand to attention so the girl gets bored and goes to sleep. As the first midget is falling to sleep he can hear his friend next door screaming,

"1234 here i come arrrrhhhhhhh"

"1234 here i come arrrrhhhhhhh"

"1234 here i come arrrrhhhhhhh"

so the first midget gets depressed because his friend sounds like he is having such a wild time.

In the morning the two midgets meet for breakfast and are talking about their times last night. The first midget says to the second

"I'm really embarressed i couldnt even get it up, i had an awful time"

The second midget says "You think thats embarressing, i couldnt even get on the bed!!"

Answer 3

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.
I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of every ten days.
The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often.

1. We will wake the children.....................17 times
2. It's too late.................................15 times
3. You were too tired............................ 5 times
4. It's too early................................52 times
5. It's too hot..................................15 times
6. Pretending to be asleep.......................49 times
7. The neighbors will hear....................... 9 times
8. Backache...................................... 2 times
9. Headache......................................26 times
10. Sunburnt......................................10 times
11. Your mother will hear.........................36 times
12. Not in the mood...............................21 times
13. Would wake the baby...........................17 times
14. Watching the late show........................ 7 times
15. Too sore...................................... 9 times
16. New hairdo.................................... 6 times
17. Wrong time of the month......................14 times
18. You had to go to the toilet...................19 times

Of the 36 times I did succeed the activity was not entirely satisfactory.
6 times you just lay there.
8 times you reminded me there was a crack in the ceiling.
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with.
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I was finished
and once I thought I had hurt you because you moved.



TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: THE REPLY --

I think you have gotten things a little confused.
Here are the reasons you did not succeed more often.

1. Came home drunk & tried to ***** the cat.......... 7 times
2. Did not come home at all.........................29 times
3. Did not cu.m......................................14 times
4. Came too soon....................................26 times
5. Went soft before you got it in...................18 times
6. Toes got a cramp................................. 9 times
7. Working too late.................................51 times
8. You had a rash, from a toilet seat...............21 times
9. Somebody kicked your ball.s in a fight............ 4 times
10. Caught it in your zipper......................... 8 times
11. Came in your PJs while reading a girlie book.....14 times
12. Too sloshed to get it up.........................99 times
13. Tea too hot- you burned your tongue.............. 8 times
14. You had a splinter in your finger................ 4 times
15. Lost the notion after thinking about it all day..13 times

Of the times we did get together the reason I lay still was because
you missed and were ******** the sheet. I wasn't talking about the crack
in the ceiling I was asking if you wanted me on my back or kneeling.
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Six months ago I phoned A.A. and their rep has been calling on me most
afternoons. And he's never too drunk to get it up.

Answer 4

The traveling incense salesman was walking along the dusty road out of New Delhi when he realized he needed a place to sleep. He saw the root gatherers hut in the distance and headed for it. He knocked at the entrance-way and the root gatherer came to the door and said "Yes". The incense salesman said, " I am a traveling incense salesman and I need a place to sleep for the night." The root gatherer said, " You are welcome to sleep here, but you will have to sleep up in the loft with my daughter." He answered "OK" and climbed the ladder to the loft. The next morning he came down and squatted down next to the root gatherer and accepted a cup of tea. The root gatherer asked, "Did you enjoy sleeping with my daughter?". The salesman said, "Yes I did very very much, but I have to ask, why was there rice in her mouth?". The root gatherer replied, "Oh, that is not rice, that is maggots, she has been dead for two years."

Answer 5

Q: What's the occupation of a female shark?
A: Nurse (nurse shark)

Q: What about the male shark?
A: Illegal moneylender (loan shark)

Answer 6

A cabbie joke, but I'm not risking anything here :-)

Answer 7

Why does Peter Pan fly?
-If somebody hit your peter with a pan, you'd fly too!

Answer 8

Yes Rita I know.
Why you are going to do anything withh that or you r going to choose mine as a best answer?
Ok fine I will tell u a joke.
Joke................
isnt that funny?
lets laugh.
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha.

Answer 9

of course i do... but if you want a good laugh.... look at my profile in 360.. you will laugh out loud!!!

Answer 10

Yes, yes I do!