My mother-in-law hated me from the day she met me. Our first meeting ended with her pulling my then girlfriend aside and asking her 'what is that?'. She spent the entire day looking at me as if I were something unpleasant that she'd stepped in which was noticed by everyone which continued everytime we saw her. I have never been anything but polite and friendly to her despite her obvious dislike for me and she has frequently called me names and made spiteful remarks to my now wife in my absence.
Whenever my girlfriend and I had problems, often because of her behaviour and my girlfriends reluctance to say anything to her, she ran to her mother and allowed her mother to call me everything from a 'control freak' to 'that prick'. We are now married and I told my wife that I will not deal with her after everything she has said. Am I right to refuse to deal with her and is it fair of me to tell my wife that she must defend me or I will defend myself?
2006-12-12 20:29:34 · 13 answers · asked by jaynic72 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Thank you for all the responses so far but there is additional information that there wasn't space to put in.
I have tried the sickly sweet approach to no avail. Sent the flowers, the candy, the cards, ignored it, she just gets worse.
As for my wife, I have told my wife that she can have whatever relationship she wants with her mother (who mistreats her too!) and I wouldn't make her choose or stand between her and her mother. The issue is, she ALLOWS these things to go unchecked. I don't expect her to write her mother off, but am I justified in expecting her not to allow her to say these things about me in her presence?
I know this woman can't be changed, she is just nasty and spiteful, however, we are close to having children and I can't bear the thought of them being told 'your father is no good' etc.
2006-12-12 21:01:31 · update #1
When you become an adult you have every right to tell mom to back off. she doesn't show respect so why should she get any? She's not acting the part of an adult and your wife needs to step up. Unfortunately, your wife doesn't want to be an adult and I can see her mother getting between you permanently. You also have the right not to visit the witch-in-law, go to family events, holidays. see how quick your wife gets upset. Be kind don't change that but stop getting involved w/ the family
2006-12-12 20:52:44 · answer #1 · answered by uknowme 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Oh no mate, your going about all the wrong way! Let me let you in on a little secret: The mother in law knows she is pushing your buttons! You now need to reverse it. Fight fire with fire. Don't be dumb and feed into the drama! Be smart about it. You need to be sickening sweet to her always and never show anger, this will anger her worse! She knows she has the upper hand because you are pushed out of shape from her treatment. Go out of your way to send her flowers and candy and nice sweet cards in the mail every chance you can get and always sign your cards love your son in law. Never let up for a second. She will either learn to like you or commit suicide. Either way I don't think you'll be too broke up but never make the mistake of letting other people think they have pushed your buttons. When this happens its all over. This is life psychology to the best of ones ability. Use this advise well and you will learn some amazing things about people. Watch and learn and you'll learn to maneuver life better to your liking and not someone elses like this is happening. The ball is always in your court, don't ever forget that as long as what I just said is used correctly. Good Luck.
2006-12-13 04:40:47 · answer #2 · answered by soniaatcalifornia 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
A bit of a tricky one!! You have to take your wife's feelings into consideration, otherwise you could just never have anything to do with this nasty MIL.......
Maybe depending on how your wife feels about this conflict, you could try seeing a professional person, for assistance on dealing with it, without jeopardising your relationship with your wife.
To give your wife ultimatums, puts her is the position of having to take sides, which has the potential to build up resentments....
Good luck, this woman has serious problems......
DISREGARD ALL THIS, SONIAATCA HAS THE PERFECT SOLUTION!!!!!!!!!! GREAT ANSWER
2006-12-13 04:41:02 · answer #3 · answered by maggie rose 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
my mother is a rude woman and seems all past attempts by any of us kids friends lovers..husband's ends with her controling the situation in one way or another..it is hard to stand up to a parent so take it easy on the wife..i know she would prefer her mom and you to have some common grounds but if she can't find the courage to tell her mom that your not a prick or a control freak then by all means tell her what's on your mind.. let her know your not going anywhere it woudl be nice if she accepted that
2006-12-13 04:35:11 · answer #4 · answered by Carol J 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You are absolutely justified in expecting your wife to stand up to her abusive mother on your behalf, and in refusing to have any further dealings with someone who will openly disrespect you. It's time to tell your wife to choose who she wants to spend the rest of her life with. If she is not willing to be on your side in this, you may have to face the fact that your marriage is in fact a sham and not worth continuing.
2006-12-13 04:33:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Mother in laws = parasites ........usually
most motherinlaws are miserable so be careful. I stay away from family a lot, i noticed its just all gossip. Your woman seems immature. If my wife allowed her mother to degrade me, her bags would be packed. Life's too short man.
Merry xmas
2006-12-13 05:15:53 · answer #6 · answered by godzillasagoodman 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
1st of all, ask her why she hates you so much, 2nd, try to ask that question to yourself
3rd, if needed, fight back, but you know what i
think? its either she's really envious about you
and your wife's relationship, but most likely?
she's envious due to the fact that you
are the kind of man she has wanted all her life, but
she wasn't able to find a man like you, so keep
your chin up, oh by the way, someone here
posted a question before, the title was...
"Did you know that if you reaarange the letters
in mother-in-law, you get mother hitler?"
"Anger is like a hot coal, if you keep it within
you, you shall burn yourself, but if you throw
it at another person, you shall burn him as well,
douse that fire with forgiveness, for to sin is mortal, but to forgive is divine"
2006-12-13 08:05:12 · answer #7 · answered by -Answer- 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is your mother only in law right? Ignore her. That will give you peace. Your wife will support you but avoid bringing her topic otherwise it will lead to fights between you. Stay miles away from your mother-in-law. She is insecure.
2006-12-13 04:57:40 · answer #8 · answered by rams 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
u neednt deal anymore with ur mother in law..u r absoulutely perfect when u let ur wife know u wouldnt tolerate this...stand stiffly..if they come to know,u r slightly feeling or bending low for their comments,they ll jump on u...all the best
2006-12-13 04:38:55 · answer #9 · answered by For peace 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is a fallacy when people say that they are not marrying "the family" because unfortunately you did.
Your wife will always be her daughter and that tie is stronger than the husband-wife tie. Forwarned is forarmed.
2006-12-13 04:34:28 · answer #10 · answered by Banting B 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋