I am getting married in June and am undecided on whether or not I want children. My fiance, however, has always wanted them. I didn't really want children before I met him, but we've been dating since we were 13 and 14 so I'm not sure that is important at all. Anyway, I am concerned on how it would affect our relationship and our lives in general... even though we've been together for almost 7 years, being that closely tied to anyone else would make me feel like I have an anchor around my neck. I just don't want to wind up like one of those couples that has nothing in common but their children, and that being all they care about. We are both in our third year of college and plan on getting our Ph.D.s in our respective fields and teaching at the college level. So, are you glad you had children?
2006-12-12 19:31:26 · 10 answers · asked by treehuggersunshine 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
My husband and I had dated for 5 years before getting married.
We have now been married 5 years.
I am 34 and he is 32.
2 years ago we had our daughter and I must admit that it has taken our relationship into a whole new level.
I feel that "us" as a family has given us an exceptional bond and we have just found out that our second child is on the way.
While being a parent is hard work, it is so rewarding to see something grow into their own.
I cannot imagine our life without her.
I have watched my husband become a devoted father and husband.
We always try to make some time for eachother and I think that our genuine love for eachother has only strengthened over time.
We have both learnt that even though we are now classified as "parents" - we still keep our own identities as individuals and as a couple.
So, I must say that YES, I am glad that we have a child and another on the way.
Hope this helps.
2006-12-12 21:24:43 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding. I think it's great you are asking this question because it shows that you are THINKING about your future instead of having a carefree, whatever attitude. For sure, children change the nature of your relationship with your spouse but if the two of you work together as a team, having children can be the most rewarding experience in your life. I would encourage you to do many "fun" things before having children. Go see the world, take trips, sleep late, eat out at fabulous restaurants...just go and do as much as possible before becoming three (or more). Plan your pregnancies, be responsible with birth control until you are certain you are ready for the life changing experience of sharing life with a child. There are many sacrifices that come with having a child...but when they reach out and hold your hand and tell you "I love you, Mommy" it makes the world so beautiful. Good luck!
2006-12-13 00:34:36 · answer #2 · answered by E.J.S. 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will admit, I miss being able to just lay down and sleep whenever i felt like it and i get tired of saying, "NO, dont touch that!" I was always a person who wasnt sure about kids. I was with my husband for 5 years when we had our son who is now 10 months old. There are some freedoms i miss, that of course comes with the territory. But now I think back and realize that if I didnt have my son I wouldnt know what real love is. Sure, I love my husband very much and my family, but there is no describing the amount of love you feel for your child. Sure, there are probably people you would take a bullet for, but when its your child you would give up your whole life if told your child would never feel any pain or sadness. And as for your relationship, I found that I fell deeper in love with my husband after I saw him as a dad. To see his face light up when he gets home from work and he goes straight to the baby. You just can't help the "being all you care about" part. I know there are people out there who don't want children and they have their reasons. They can be anchors around your neck and they can make you want to pull your hair out, but its worth it to me. It doesnt mean your social life is over, just get a sitter. If you do decide not to just make sure its really what you want bc you might look back one day when your old and wish you had some grandkids running around. As for age, if you have them when your young then by the time they leave you and your husband are still young enough to have fun and do stuff together and if you have them when you are older then you have already had some fun and accomplished things before hand. Just do what you think is right for you, and you are still young and have plenty of time to change your mind.
2006-12-12 20:32:16 · answer #3 · answered by Hayley C 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get married and enjoy the time you have as a couple.
The ability to go out whenever you want, do whatever you want... knowing that when you put something down, it will still be there when you get back...
Travel, make love without interruptions, buy that 2 door sports coupe... ENJOY...
After a couple of years of this, then go ahead and have the kids...
They will change your life. We have two kids (2.5 years old, 9 months) and they are a joy in our lives.
Understand they will change your lifestyle, but can also increase your capacity to love and understand another human being.
If you think you love your partner, having kids will show you that that level of love is nothing compared to what you will feel for them.
My partner and I both agree, as much as we love each other, we love our kids so much more !
Still... we do drive 2 door sports coupes... and we're planning to travel when the kids are older... so just put your life on hold until the kids are old enough to participate with you !
2006-12-12 23:56:13 · answer #4 · answered by midnight_lady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Asking a parent that question is like a double edged sword... If you say children are a blessing, regardless, then you're a good person... but if you talk about regrets or what if's, then people start calling you selfish and heartless... The fact is that children DO change relationships... mostly for the good. Both of you WILL change because now y'all are responsible for the upbringing of a new life... you'll have to make changes within your own selves, as a coulpe, and your future plans and how a child will fit in to them or change them altogether. I LOVE my son and step-daughter... but I must admit NOTHING will ever be the same... sometimes between running and gasping at the permanent marker "masterpieces" along the staircase... the undiscovered moldy sandwiches under the couch... the cheerios and goldfish crackers inside the electronics... I find myself thinking... what IF I had waited... My husband NEVER wanted kids and so he felt betrayed when his ex wife, who claimed that she was barren, got pregnant... Now, we have a 2 year old and I don't know if it's a male thing, or just because of hte way he ws raised... HE never changed anything about himself, or his life goals... So I've found MYSELF making ALL the sacrifices... It sounds like a living hell, and sometimes it is... He's 6 years older than me and I was 19 when we married and I got pregnant after the honeymoon... I've quit college and given up on my chldhood dreams of graduating, joining the military, becoming a cop and retiring as a Texas Ranger and someday owning the Dallas Cowboys... He's still on his path AND wants more kids... You really should have kids if you are BOTH ready for it AND for the right reasons... if you both don't see eye to eye on the matter, then unfortunately, that's a sign of conflict to come and believe me... kids pick up on that stuff and it fates who they turn out to be in their future... so, think about it and go from there... Good Luck!!! I've come to terms with not living hte life I dreamed of and I don't regret anything, I feel like my kids are my reason for living... but I don't think that philosphy is ideal for everyone... like I said, think about it and realize that you are still young and should live your life and make it a happy one for kids in the future... Have a super day!!!
2006-12-12 20:26:16 · answer #5 · answered by Mexi Poff 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you've been together for seven years you obviously have a lot in common. Children are the most amazing gifts in the world and will bring your relationship to a much deeper level.
2006-12-12 21:36:22 · answer #6 · answered by pb and j 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kids aways feel they are to blame for the arguments. Their immaturity and inability to rationalize makes them a prisoner of the argument. From an adult point of view it is really none of their business but they have radar and don't miss a word. EDIT: If you and the wife wish to make a REAL statement to the kiddos. Go to Marriage counseling. Make the Marriage work. It is not easy but you both can do it.
2016-05-23 17:16:15 · answer #7 · answered by Lizabeth 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, congradulations on the marriage. And second, I do not feel like you should be asking this question. You should really talk about it with your fiance!
But as to your question... there are always times you say to yourself, why did i have children!!! But then there are other times when you say, out loud, I love my kids!
GOOD LUCK!
2006-12-12 20:35:16 · answer #8 · answered by cjr_mamamia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you decide to have children DO not have them at a young age,spend that time in enjoying life to the maximum. Life is to short to spend most of your life running around for them,So when you get to old to enjoy life and you slow down and you want some one to leave your fortune to,by all means have ONE.I made a mistake and had four..............
2006-12-12 19:51:41 · answer #9 · answered by chascicc 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I haven't had children but they have been a blessing in my life anyway.
2006-12-12 19:40:19 · answer #10 · answered by Serinity4u2find 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋