2006-12-12 17:15:35 · 10 answers · asked by atlas shrugged and so do i 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
its not me, friends from work. the adoption is final(1 yr). the BM plays mommy when she feels inclined, coming to dinner, hanging out but still lives her wild lifestyle and has no plans to stop; says the money is too good. our poor friends are too sweet to tell her not to stay out of the child's life because they don't want her to try to reverse the adoption. the baby is already going to have to live with the knowledge both his parents used drugs, dad is a convict and is a serial sperm donor(has 5 other kids by as many women); why add stripper mom to the mix? BM's friends and some family encourage this relationship. most thinks she should let the child go completely for a chance at a normal life. BM associates with some pretty rough folks and from what we have been told is not a good judge of character, is reckless and very emotional.
2006-12-12 18:25:09 · update #1
It's apparent you are unable to see the birth mother as being human, only because of her occupation and drug problem.
She made the responsible decision to give up her child, unlike many drug addicted parents who lack the means, desire, and responsibility to morally take care of another life. She carried this baby for nine months, it's only natural that she has feelings towards him and wants to stay in contact. She is not affecting the child's life by visiting.
2006-12-13 07:47:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
As long as kids have a few strong, positive realtionships with adults in their lives, they usually turn out OK even if some adults that are close to them make poor life decisions. Where the child is safe, loved, and protected, it should still be allowed to see it's birthmum, although if she hangs out with "rough crowds" etc, perhaps these meetings should be held with mediaton at a family center and not at the adopted parent's home.
People CAN change, and whether this woman does or not, her child will grow to make it's own judgements and opinions about her (which hopefully won't be over-influenced by the adopted parents).
The adpoted parents have every right to be concerned, frusterated, and uncomfortable about the situation, but they sound like strong, good people, and they can handle it. They are the child's parents now, and the strongest influence in the kid's life.
2006-12-13 13:24:31 · answer #2 · answered by Emily O 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
All i can say is thank god you have the child.!!!......not sure of the laws pertaining to open adoption but if going through the courts..then perhaps the BM behaviour should be noted, witnessed by others and shown to the appropriate authorities....is this being done through an agency ? does she contribute financially to the child ? If she contributes nothing and this has been a court declared adoption with you both being the legal parents... and it is finalised... then she has no say in the raising of the child... move house, dont tell her and get her out of the childs life.
2006-12-13 06:28:32 · answer #3 · answered by michiliana 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well people can change over time. But it sounds like you don't have much respect for the birth mother already, which will have a bad effect on this child's self esteem in the future. Perhaps you should consider adopting another child...
2006-12-13 01:18:15 · answer #4 · answered by brittany 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Coming from first hand experience it's better if the child has contact with the birth parents. It doenst mean that they're going to care about the birth parents any more or less. It means that they have an opportunity to know about the family that they have and that is rightfully theirs. As horrible as they might seem if it wasn't for them you wouldn't have a child to adopt, you wouldn't have a child to call your own.
2006-12-14 17:25:50 · answer #5 · answered by larissacory 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It depends on what attitude you're willing to have during the child's life. If you're willing to put any bad vibes you may feel towards the mother aside, and teach the child that he or she is just as good as everyone else, even though his or her mother made bad decisions in her life, then it should be fine. If you aren't confident in your ability to present a positive outlook for the child, though, then it would be safer not to do it.
2006-12-13 01:24:09 · answer #6 · answered by Jackie 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well, your friends could speak to her about it nicely, and if she doesn't change after the adoption is final they can make her stay away.If the adoption is final then she cant reverse it if she gave up her rights voluntary
2006-12-13 22:40:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a problem with open adoption, period. You are not babysitting the birth mother's child for her. It is your child, and you are the only two parents.
2006-12-13 01:59:47 · answer #8 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
At least she won't be raising the child.
2006-12-13 01:38:09 · answer #9 · answered by chrissy757 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
fine i think it is good
2006-12-13 02:25:59 · answer #10 · answered by asphyxia 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋