Would telling my sister the hard honest truth be right or harmful?

Question

My sister is bi-polar with the tendency towards always being way down and depressed. She is much overweight and smokes which is not an issue to me or others in the family its just a point that needs to be said because it is a major thing that brings her down. She is a middle child, myself is younger and our older sister are both college grads, married with one son each however my older sister is much more financially successful than I am or my sister whom I have the question regarding. She has lost at least 3 jobs in 3 years due to being majorly depressed for a time being and not able to concentrate at work. She has MAJOR financial issues with check cashing places, spending her paycheck before she gets it on junk from walmart and smokes and toys for her dog (not dog food though). SO, her is the tough part that I dont want to do but am sick of my parents getting hurt. She has been leaching off of them for, well 5 years now. My dad wants to retire but wont be able to if she stays there.

My mom is on social security due to an illness and cant work. They just moved into a new home they had built to retire in as well and had hopes of doing so in the near future. But with my sister living there and never being responsible with her bills (dont open them), or her dog (she shouldnt have it because she dosnt even walk or pay to feed it), never pays for her own food, or utilities, disrespects the home and the fact that its my parents new home they have worked HARD for their whole life to be able to have, her dog ruined the door and carpeting in her bedroom, is EXTREMELY manipulative to my mom to get her to buy her clothes and ciggarettes when she grows out of them or needs them. Treats our dad like doo-doo because of issues she had with him when she was younger, she is 33 and still gets in yelling arguements with the man who supports her and she just dosnt get it that she is hurting them. She thinks it is OWED to her that things are handed to her but when you say any

in her mind you are betraying her. I so want to tell her to wake up and look at what she is doing to our parents but i dont want to hurt her either... our oldest sister is blatantly rude to her about her disapproval of her lifestyle so i just try to breeze through conversations i have with her so as not to get her more upset. i.e. my dad does not want to have the dog live there anymore because of the damage it has done and she dosnt walk or feed the dog, his point and everyone elses is that if you cant afford the dog, how is she supposed to move out on her own if she cant do that? if i show my aggreance with my dad then she thinks i am stabbing her in her back.

i dont know what to do...i lover her to death, i dont want her to be homeless but i dont want my parents to be homeless either...i guess my older sister would be able to house my parents but why should they be homeless because they couldnt make ends meet cause my sister was eating them out of house and home?thank u for help

sorry, yes she is on 300 mg effexor daily and seroquel at night...however she is behind on her cobra insurance and dont know how much longer she will get her meds. i spent $800 this summer to help her, my husband dont know it and i am hoping to replace it in the savings before he finds out...but i dont know how to help her...

also, i am a army wife and live two time zones away from her so i am not there to help...i have wanted to speak to her doctor and wonder if a letter would help?

my parents are living in their own home walking on egg shells...my dad has been concerned for his safety a few times, if he speaks to her she goes nuts with anger and frustration sometimes.

btw, whoever said call in the white coats, go to he11. that is not the point here, i am desperate, it is up to my parents but they are being walked on..they set up a july 06 deadline, then a october 06 deadline, then january 07 and now its march. is it fair to allow your own sister go homeless? if i had the funds to help her i would!!!! my parents barely make enough for their taxes and would be doing well if they were able to be on their own for once, they worked for it they deserve it...

Answer 1

FIrst she is bipolar. She needs to be on her meds and take them when she should. That is the bipolar person's responsibility, no one else's . A calendar in her bathroom, with a pen available to check off the days when she takes them, will help her to realize when not taking them causes problems.

The overspending is part of the bipolar. When she's manic, she spends because it seems like the most wonderful item she's ever seen in the world (! to her).

The arguing is also part of bipolar. Frequent irritability is bipolar.
Again, is she taking the meds? Parents need to ask when she gets argumentative.

Cigarette smoking is big with people with mood disorders, especially schizophrenics.

She needs to be told that she needs to control herself better and be encouraged to take her meds consistently or get back to the doctor to have them reassessed.

Parents need to stop enabling the bad behavior of her overeating, not exercising, and buying everything everything for her. Her self-esteem must be shot !

Sis needs to find a part-time job that she can handle and feel good about herself. Mom and Dad need to be receiving something in rent. She will feel good about that, that she is helping to maintain the household--parents can praise her for that. She should also pay for the repair to the door and carpet.

Also, getting out to walk the dog is essential--around the block with the dog, and then up to two times around the block with the dog. Physical activity will improve mood.

Also, she needs to take vitamins--B complex especially, vitamin e, zinc or fish oil, ginseng and gingko biloba.

Definitely stick to your guns, especially with the parents, they need to understand what is going on with sis. I don't think they are completely at fault, and neither is your sister. They are all dealing with the bipolar illness. But meds dramatically help alleviate the symptoms.

Answer 2

If we do not accept objective moral norms based on Reason/Natural Law then the ultimate law is "Might makes right" There are many inaccurate things stated about Islam,especially since there are so many forms of Islam There are many Muslims, though, who do advocate aggressive conquest of non Muslim territories, violnt oppression of no Muslims or Muslims who dissagree with them,suicide bombing of non combatants and the like. Are these people apostates from Islam? I find Islam less developed ethically than Christianity's or Buddhism's ethical teachings I find Catholic Christianity to be the most convincing and fullfilling of the many religions I have looked into.

Answer 3

It sounds like your parents threw in the towel a long time ago and pretty much let your sister run the household. You'll probably be old enough soon to get going on your own, whether to college or work. I know you love your sister and have major concerns about her health, if your close with her talk with her or write her a note, other wise, talk to your parents and see what they say. Your sister can still turn her life around, even at age 33. I did it too, and I was 35. My life is healthy and beautiful.Good luck to you honey and bless you for your kind heart.

Answer 4

Your parents may lack objection to your sister. If they lack objection then relatively speaking It's just about being a kind person be kind n maybe offer to walk her to a psychiatrist a few times. Medication is published as more effective than talk therapy. If the parents are looking to create change you could have an "awful" "dreadful" family conference where your parents, plus maybe you n your weller sister all figure out how much money per month she needs to live. Then you could find her a place telling her three years support was assured but if she medicates she gets an additional $300 per month for three months. Then you family people can lure her to try numerous medications during the three years. If she's still down after three years she has an arguable disability benefit case or you could rephrase that n just send her to college. You could try a bizarre No funds during March thing as well to prod job hunting, its short enough to block eviction.

My mom had a dude that she "tolerated" to keep house who perhaps was like your sister. There was codependency happening. I got her to pay him wages during his last couple months. He would have felt massively horrible n deeply wronged about the tricky plan I describe.

Answer 5

Seems to me like this is your parents business. They are her parents. It's up to them to decide who and what they want in their own home. I would stay out of it if I were you. The fact that she has health issues should be considered however. Maybe you should talk to your parents about sending her back to the Dr. and getting her on some new meds. or having her dosages altered.
And perhaps you could offer her some incentives to lose weight or quit smoking (I'd pick smoking first). Tell her you will buy her something nice or take her someplace nice if she can quit smoking. For example, you can tell her that if she quits smoking, you will buy her a new outfit (doesn't have to be an expensive one) at the mall for every month she stays off the smokes.

Answer 6

Unfortunately you left out all the important information. Is she taking her medication? Does she take it regularly? Does she see a psychiatrist regularly?

Without that she is a sick woman, not just being difficult. If she is on meds and still acting this way then talk to her psychiatrist or doctor and explain the concerns to him.

Your parents have the decision to make about her living with them. Unfortunately it isn't up to you.

As her sister i would ask her about her meds, and her care, and offer to help her get to care if she hasn't been going. Then talk with her doctor who can approach her about her behavior and situation.

Also talk to your parents about some tough love. They should receive any paychecks or monies coming in and they can spend on her as needed. She doesn't sound as if she is competent to manage her finances.

Remember that although some is choice, bipolar illness needs careful monitoring to control it. It is a tough illness to have.
If her actions are due to her illness then she can't help it and no talking ''to'' will help.

Good luck

Answer 7

Is she on medication? If not, then perhaps she needs to look into such. When it comes to my sister, I give her the cold hard truth and though it is at times, cruel and heartless she comes back again and again for my advice. However with a Bipolar you must take a more cautious approach, for you can make her SNAP though your intentions, I'm sure, are the exact opposite.

Though in the matter of sucking your parental's dry, I'd put her in her place ... but again, do it with care. She needs to hear the truth, before she learns it at a later time where it is far -- FAR too late to fix her life and get the help (for the bipolar) that she needs.

Answer 8

You need to be as firm and gentle as you can be tell her that she is a beautiful women and she need's to stop living life as if it were going to end in the next moment,She need's to take control of her own life and live it to the fullest and stop counting on other's for her support all the time. She may be mad at the moment but she will see that in the long run it was the best thing that you and your family ever did for her.

Answer 9

You can say all you want but doubt it will help anything, its going to take your parents saying something to her. As long as they hold her hand and give to her every need she doesn't need to grow up an get out on her own and create a life for herself. She will have to basically be told what date she has to find a new place to live an start accepting responsibility for herself. Mom and Dad need to have their time to themselves. It may take the whole family getting involved to give her the kick in the seat of the pants that she needs.

Answer 10

Be a good friend first...they do tell the truth...Help your sister by telling her and also helping her find solutions to said problems...about the bipolar bit...a professional may help with the depression and lack of concentration. Be of good cheer you are not alone.