I am a 20 year old female lady, I really liked this guy A LOT for like 6 months. I came over to his house one night, and he raped me. I still REALLY like this guy a lot. Is this normal?
2006-12-12 16:54:57 · 46 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
***I Really Really Hope You Read This Even Though It's Way Down The List***
***If you read nothing else of my answer at least look at this part: the website and hotline number for RAINN (rape abuse and incest national network) http://www.rainn.org/ or 1.800.656.HOPE***
First of all, I'm so sorry for what happened to you. It's not Usual for someone to like their rapist, but it is one of the many reactions you can have. It can happen for a lot of reasons. Like some people said if you had a skewed idea of how people show their love because of some childhood issues it could happen.
Also you could still be in shock about what happened. If you're still in shock your emotions are still acting like everything's okay.
Also, it's difficult to figure out how you feel about a rapist if you knew them as good people before. It makes it confusing to sort out. Some thing I hear a lot is, "But he seems like such a good guy. Maybe I did something to lead him on. He couldn't have really meant to rape me."
Okay, so by this point I hope you believe that there are lots of different reactions to being raped, and that your reaction is one of many out there.
Now, as for the next question that usually comes up with survivors... "Was it rape?"
Well I got some news for you. None of us can tell you that. Why? We weren't there. The other thing is if you're looking for a single legal definition that's not out there, either. Each state defines it differently. So it's possible that by definition you were raped in one state but by another state's definition you were violated but not raped.
Now to tackle some of the common myths about rape:
Doesn't matter what you were wearing.
Doesn't matter if you've had sex or done other stuff with him before.
Doesn't even matter if the night of the rape you had sex with him ten minutes before the rape.
Doesn't matter if you fought back or not.
Making you perform sexual acts on him is as bad as forcing himself on you.
And it doesn't matter what you feel about him now.
If you felt a sense of violation, that something happened that you're not quite okay with, then whatever you choose to define it as you were still hurt.
***Now, my very very strong suggestion is to turn to a source other than Y!A for help and answers about this issue.***
I would encourage you to call the RAINN hotline. I put the number at the beginning of this answer. They are a national hotline that routes your call to the crisis center nearest you. There you can talk to a hotlline counselor about what's going on, different resources for help, and stuff like that. Some people are scared of hotlines, but there's really nothing to be afraid of. I've been on both sides of the phone and it's perfectly okay.
I wish you the best of luck with this hon. You will get through this, I promise.
2006-12-12 18:21:20 · answer #1 · answered by Jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had this same thing happen to me. I kept dating a guy after he raped me. I liked him a lot. Now I can see that I was at a very low point in my life and had no self esteem. I was totally not taking care of myself in any way. It was a form of self destructiveness that came out of an abusive childhood.
No one that had a normal loving childhood would feel this way about someone who raped them. You have to be programmed as a child to have no regard for yourself. think about this and your background a lot and try to understand how you are hurting yourself and how your home life may have made you self destructive. ALSO: I promise you, you are NOT the only one he has raped! They never ever just do it to one person! Think about the kind of person he REALLY is to do this not just to you but to probably lots of others. The PLAN it first and make sure they can get away with it.
2006-12-12 16:58:11 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't say it was normal but it happens all of the time. The problem you have is that if this guy will rape you what will he do next. What is the future with a guy like this. Do you want to marry him. Do you want to bear his children so he can rape them?? I don't know you but I am always concerned with a person who is drawn to a person who has absolutely no concern for them. Please see a professional to help you through these tough times.
Mark
2006-12-12 17:00:39 · answer #3 · answered by dr_mark_a_horn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So I take it, you did not report this to the police. Well, I have been raped by a guy that I knew for years and I would vomit if I saw him. Are you sure it was not just rough sex? Usually if you have been raped which is when you have been violated, you do not have any good feelings for that person. I think that you need to talk to someone about this....have any close friends? If not, you can email me @SuthernsSecret@aol.com.
2006-12-12 16:59:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
No dear, it is not normal for you to like someone who raped you!!! As a matter of fact, you should have reported him to the police, as he may be doing this to other women, and you will be partially responsible for his behaviour will go unreported. What if he kills someone ? Could you live with that? I think you should go and talk to someone about this, and find out why it is you feel attracted to someone who committed a capital crime against you.
2006-12-12 16:59:23 · answer #5 · answered by Crowfeather 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It can be. Do you now feel that you are attached to this man because he has "had" you physically?
Sometimes victims identify with their attackers, in part to lessen the trauma of the attack that was inflicted on them.
Sometimes people who have been abused in their childhood view abuse as part of love. Were you abused? It wouldn't be "normal," to react this way, but it happens a lot. If you were abused, perhaps you think that he loves you because he abuses you, or that you want to be with him because he gives you the only affection you can understand.
You need therapy hun. You need to realize that these types of men are ****. They are worthless scum and you deserve so much better than that.
2006-12-13 06:50:19 · answer #6 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Date Rape? You really need to call the police and report this. Have them do a rape kit, and press charges. This is really not a good thing. You also deserve to be heard about this. You must speak with a victims counselor. I beleive this is a self confidence or a self preservation problem. Please, Please take care of yourself. This is in no way normal.
2006-12-12 16:58:25 · answer #7 · answered by Robin 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Rape is an act of power and brutality. Honestly, if you can still stomach the thought of him, let alone like him, you've either got a few screws loose or you didn't really want him to stop when he came on to you, and no didn't really mean no. Which is it?
2006-12-12 17:07:31 · answer #8 · answered by SLWrites 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I don't know if it's normal or not, but your situation sounds dangerous...... and I think you should avoid him or try to get help from somewhere if you think it could happen again.
You might just be telling yourself it's best to do what he wants so that you don't make him angry.
Rape is a very big deal and a horrible thing for someone to do.
Do you really think this guy is worth your attention?
He isn't.
He's scum.
2006-12-12 17:00:27 · answer #9 · answered by bad_ambassador 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Seek counseling. You may have self esteem issues. It is NOT normal for you to still have feeling for someone who violated you. Think about it. This creep has committed a crime. There are nice, gentle human beings out there, find one of those.
2006-12-12 16:59:28 · answer #10 · answered by Juls 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋