Why is it so difficult to find a decent man to marry and have life with?

Question

I sought a lover and responded to one guy online and we met and have been having an affair (he is married) for over a year and the sex is great and he is a nice normal person with a good education, job, good family life, has friends, and does normal things but when I try to meet a man to date and have a future with, all the guys are either weird, unsophisticated, broke, ugly, have alot of baggage, or are emotioinally unavailable. They are too busy to meet or they disappear after the first date. If one can find a normal man online to have as a lover, why aren't there any normal single men?

Answer 1

This is a tough one to answer. It's very hard to find a good person online. I think you're not at all unusual. I bet most women in your shoes would say the same thing. I also think that the guy you have now, and the guys you've met whom you don't like, are not all that different. I mean, your lover, the one who's nice and normal, well, he chose you partly because he was married and not going to make any long term commitments to you anyway. Right? Maybe the nice, normal, and unmarried guys are avoiding commitments with you for the same reasons. It's a possibility. No one here can really say if your problem is due to you in particular or due to the nature of trying to meet people online, because none of us know how you come across in your ads or when you respond to other ads. Two more things: one: a year or so looking online is not very long. Two: be glad you did find a guy who likes you and treats you well. It's something, even if it's not everything you want.

Answer 2

Im sorry to say this, however you don't think there are decent men, and yet you are under the notion you are decent however you commit adultry. Right now all the good guys are saying, oh shucks she isn't loyal, she will cheat with out a thought.

Truthfully when you can't find a good man, it is generally because you aren't being a good woman.

You may or may not buy this, but when I became open to the world, the most wonderful, sensative, intelligent, man showed up.
it is a happily ever after story also.

Answer 3

Have you met his family yet, at least a couple times? What clues can you get from them? It sounds like he had a very stern father and physical contact and outward show of emotions was frowned upon. He also may suffer from Aspberger's Syndrome. Have you tried talking to him about this? Did you get any response? I don't think I'd be happy in a relationship like this, unless he's willing to try to change some things and maybe see a psychologist or counselor first. Maybe you do need a visit to couple's counseling first so that someone else can see what you see. Good luck.

Answer 4

You haven't found a good man, you have found someone else's man. Most likely joined by God for life. Your sin will surely find you out. No happiness can be found in loose fornication and adultery with anothers. Sex good or bad will sooner or later end and then all you have is you but find yourself a godly man to love and be loved then you will see a decent man. A man that will cheat with you on his wife will surely cheat on you when another comes along. You haven't found a decent man you've found an adulterous man which will hurt his wife and you. Get a real life and come out of the darkness. Marriage is for life not convenience. We've been married thirty-nine years and it gets better every year. (sex also) but least of all.

Answer 5

You need to stop trying so hard. You will met the right guy when you are supposed to. Also if the guys you date don't want a second date try to change your approach. For example, be a little secretive. Men don't want to know everything about you on a first date, they like a little mystery. You could be scaring them off by talking to much.

Answer 6

Hello...this is a very good question...ever thought that this could be asked of women also?...ever wonder which and how many men would consider you to be a "decent", "normal" woman?...your question has prompted many thoughts, after all you have put alot into one short paragraph...first I ask you to look at your question and compare it to your first sentence...notice anything strange?...I'm sorry but YOU are dating a "married" man...I'm not dogging you, just want to help you see yourself as you have put yourself out to the public...perhaps this GREAT perosn you are dating is really not so decent after all, he is cheating on his wife with you...does he have children...ever think of what they would think of you if they found out their dad was having an affair?...ever thought of how you are approaching the dating scene?...maybe you have set your standards too high but at the same time, looking for love in all the wrong places...what exactly is your opinion of or what constitutes "weird"?...if no one is as sophisticated as you, or at least up to your standards...think of how a simple person could have a certain majic within them that makes them special in their own way...broke, well define the meaning of a rich man..one who is wealthy with material possetions or one whos wealth lies within their heart and the love they give...ugly, have you seen "The Picture Of Dorian Grey?..I receommend it...remember the man who carried his donkey on his back won the heart of the princess who was lonely and sad ...baggage, if someone does not have baggage, they have not lived a life that teaches lessons and has not learned that life could be a bed of roses, but roses have thorns and when a rose bush grows, it bears it's thorns before the bud opens up to expose the end result which is beauty, life...emotionally unavailable?...it is good to recognize that while we all grow and get older, unfortunately, some people do not, sometimes through no fault of their own, reach a level of maturity needed to thrive in society...they are to be pitied, not chastised....if someone dissappears after a first date, you can look at the situation as one that ended like it should and you are really better off that they did dissappear...think of would happen if those who fall by the wayside latched on to you and later you had a difficult time when you really needed them, would they be there for you?...a thought to ponder...anytime something happens to us in life, we need to take a look at ourselves and ask; what have I contributed to the situation that caused it to end in the manner that it did?...this could be difficult, but I have found that it works...you see yourself in a totally different way from how you used to and then life takes on a new meaning...often the answers to our life's problems lie within, we just have to face reality which is not an easy thing to do because as human beings, we have alot of pride...hope this helps...good luck to you.

Answer 7

I know. It's truly very difficult if you are truly looking for a man that will clique with you, and at the same time, he has the qualities that you're looking for. :-(

But it's amazing that some of you said very encouraging words. It's true, not to lose hope.

Of course, we ourselves have to be a good woman too, otherwise, how we can deserve a good man. ;-)

Answer 8

Finding a mate is hard...it's like finding you car keys.
You look and look and never can seem to find them.
But as soon as you quit looking, they just pop up.
If your trying too hard you'll scare a single guy away.
I got news for you...a married man is also very
emotionally unavailable, and your always second.......

Answer 9

Don't lose faith. You will meet that special person when you least expect it. Trust me. There are normal guys out there.

Answer 10

There are many,but you need to be in the right place,with the right man.Good question.Some men only want to have sex,they do not want to have compromises.