How do I De-Brat my 8 year old Sass?

Question

I have an 8 year old daughter, a 2 year old girl and a 9 month old son. There is a significant age gap between my first two children. My eldest daughter was an only child for so long I think it went to her head. She is constantly bossing around my younger daughter as though she is the mother. I constantly ask her to please be a good big sister and look out for her younger siblings but she insists on whining, tattling, threatening and bossing her sister. I feel as though every time I turn around she is trying to place her younger sister on time-out or tell her what to do. They are at each other's throats...and my younger daughter is only 2.

My 8 year old girl can be great and sweet at times. But I fear that she thinks she is in control rather than a child. She talks back to me at every request I make. She whines when she doesn't get exactly what she wants. She fake cries with gusto when she is denied an explaination for everything. What should I do to correct these behaviours?

Answer 1

Sounds like you need to decide who is the leader in the family, you or her.

Whatever your decision is will affect the actions you take next.

If you want things to change, you will have to change the way you do things. If you are going to be the leader, you will need to have a stronger will than your daughter. She gets nothing she whines for, She is dealt with quickly and decsisively when she back talks to you. When she takes a hissy fit, she is to be ignored nicely and pleasantly.

Understand that this character has been created by you. You have allowed her to get this way and you will be responsible for changing the behaviour. Make no mistake, it will be difficult to renegotiate the terms of familial relationships with this young "tyrant". Your resolve is what stands between you and your daughter having proper relationships that are based on respect, love and authority.

She treats her sister with such disdain because it works with you. She likely gets what she wants from you by acting horribly. She needs to see from you what loving, assertive authority looks like. Doesn;t mean she'll change there overnight, she'll likely get worse before she gets better with the little sister. If she can't control you, she'll try to control her. Spo you need to be diligent there too.

Good luck with this. Stand firm, be loving, be assertive, be the parent.

Answer 2

Seperate both of the sisters.The little sister might end up like her.If the big sis insists on bossing,threatning,tattling,and whining to you then TEACH HER WHO THE BOSS IS BABY!(not by abuse just a little talk with her and treat her for ice cream at the end)

Answer 3

Sounds like she could use some time out herself. Every time she whines, sasses, or is mean to her baby sister put her in the corner facing the wall for timeout. She should me made to apologize to you or her sister when she is let out of time out. She is old enough to understand that behavior has consequences for her too.

Answer 4

you might have to show her who the real boss is. you dont have to be mean per se, but you have to show some toughness otherwise she will keep thinking she rules the roost. she is also at the age where she might be beginning to form her own strong opinions and turn into a somewhat bratty girl. happens way too often. sometimes a gentle 'please be a good big sister' isnt going to work. you have to scold her.