Overly obsessed with my daughter's safety?

Question

I am absolutley overly obsessed with my toddler's safety. She will be two years old in February. I find myself wondering off thinking up these terrible things that could happen to her. It leaves me with the absolute worst feeling. It happens mostly at night. I can't sleep because of it or if I do drift off I have terrible dreams about it. Most often it's thoughts of her running out in the street & a car striking her or a stranger hurting her in some way or really ANYTHING at all that could harm her. I feel like I might need to see my doctor to prescribe some kind of anti-anxiety medication because I feel that this is not normal. I know all parents worry about their children but this is insane. Help, anyone else have feelings this extreme?????
It scares me to think I'm this worried while she is with me 100% of her day (I'm a stay at home mom) How will I act when she is a teen out driving her own car?? :(

Answer 1

These sound like symptoms of an underlying problem in which you are projecting on your daughter. Yes you can keep your children safe, however you cannot govern their lives completly and totally. I would speak with a therapist, drugs should be your last choice. Many people think they are an easy fix, however theyare the exact opposite. Drugs without counsiling are not the answer.

What you are showing to your daughter is that you do not trust her, or your parenting abilities. This will become evident to her as she gets older, and it will affect her self estime and life choices. You cannot protect them from everything, and I understand that she is your pride and joy, but this is a little extreme. How will she learn to function in the world if you have sheltered her from it all of her life?

These are things that a therapist can discuss with you. You love your child, and she has someone that charishes her above all else. not many kids have that. She is very lucky, however you cannot criple her development because of your unrealistic fears

Answer 2

yes it is, but our society makes this socially acceptable. Being to focused would be considered unhealthy in any other part of society right? I mean, I've nothing against waiting in line for 4 hours if you think it's worth it, you should take advantage of the things you enjoy in life. However it sounds like your daughter has gone over the limit. As for long term effects? well, this narrow minded approach leads to a loss of appreciation of other parts of your life. Because of this idealisation, she almost applying a super human status to someone who simply sings on stage, which is pretty bad. Worse still a time may come when she realises he isn't all that exciting, or that maybe she doesn't like the person he really is, which would basically leave her feeling like she has nothing. Lots of teens get what people would class as 'an unhealthy obsession', but lets be frank, it's not likely to be fatal. Even at a young age girls can become obsessed with some older guy, or drugs etc, so to be fair, being crazy about a celebrity like Justin Bieber may be a good channel for this side of her personality traits. So, when addressing long term effects, just be aware that right now she is limiting herself a fair bit. Unfortunately the term "she'll grow out of it" may have to be applied. Which she will no doubt. So as long as she isn't selling her possessions for tickets or trying to elope to Paris with a pop-star, psychologists etc wouldn't be too worried. Advice, well.. point out it's not healthy. But I wouldn't go on about it, after all children often listen more to the parents who treat them most like adults. Maybe try and show her some other genres she might like, however that's a bit of an idealised solution. Stating a small objection and not prohibiting the behavior will likely work in your favour.

Answer 3

Ever hear of OCD? Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. YOu hear about people who become germ phobic and wash thier hands 20 times a day. Sounds like you might be experiencing a mild form of it.

I understand your concern. I was a very nervous first time mother. I worried about very thing related to my son. I think part of the reason I worried so much is that the complete care of a nother human life is such a huge responsibility. Bet you know what I mean! I never even left my son with a sitter or hias grandparents till her was about 5. LOL I would't let ANYONE take him near water without me because I was a strong swimmer!

My son is almost 30 now. And I still worry . My grea-grandmother and her son my grandfather. They lived together along with my father and grandmother. Great-gandma was or 90 and mygrandfather, her son was about 80. I can still hear her telling her 70+ son , "Earl put a sweater on before you go outside. You don't want to catch a chill!" Great-grandam proved to me that you NEVER stop worring.

But when the worrying disturbs your sleep and disrupts your life you need to seek help. Get assistance right away. Often a little paxil or zoloft wil do the trick.

Answer 4

If you want to talk to a psych then I would encourage it but I would like to mention that obsessive thoughts are very hard to be rid of. I personally have them about tons of things and they cannot be cured by medicine. You either have to train yourself to not have the thoughts or train yourself just not to get upset. Personally I try not to lay down to sleep unless I know I'm going to go to sleep soon because that's when the worst thoughts crop up. Talk to a psych and try to regain some control over your own thoughts. Just trying and talking about it will probably make it a little better. Unfortunately though there isn't a magic little pill for this type of thing.

PS If all you have is one manifestation of obessive thoughts you do not classify as any where near OCD. Which doesn't really matter either way as the treatment for OCD is almost always intense therapy as there isn't really medication for it.

Answer 5

I don't always have bad dreams like you, but there have been a few nights that I have had nightmares about something happening to my daughter. There are nights when I can't sleep- I keep having to get up and check on my daughter...make sure she's breathing ok. I'll get up and go around the house and check all the doors and windows. I've always been a paranoid person. I keep a pair of shoes next to my daughter's window for me so if the house catches fire I can slip them on and go out the window w/ her. Yeah, it may be strange, but I'm with you. I can't bring myself to put my daughter in daycare, either. I worry about her when she's at the nursery at church. I'm doing good to leave her with MY parents without calling every hour. I give my husband specific (sometimes written) instructions when he keeps her.

Answer 6

Shoot! I just remembered something--a few years ago a TIME magazine article appeared about a mother who was overly afraid for her baby son, she was afraid he was going to get run over by a car, or that he was going to take an awful fall down the stairs, or something like that. The only thing I can't remember is how she got over it! What I would say is, go see a doctor. It's natural for a mother to be afraid and overly anxious and overprotective about her children, but when the thinking process gets out of control, it can ruin your life, basically. Don't be afraid to get help. Get to making that appointment, and best of luck!

Answer 7

I used to be the same way, and still am to a point. Every child is going to have their own bumps and bruises, trust me I could not tell you how many times, I went to put my child's PJ's on after he'd being outside playing and running around and find a new little bruise or scratch on his little legs. He never even knew he had done something to cause it. All parents worry, you just have to narrow down what is more likely to happen and concentrate on them, like her getting loose and running from you in the store, possibly getting lost or kidnapped. That was always what I worried the most about.

Answer 8

I'm a older teen, and I got a brother who is now 4. I had a smaller version of what you had while he was growing up. My mom had no worries at all because shes seen so many kids grow up, but I can tell you my worries went away very fast when I would constantly see him trip or run into a wall and just cry it off and be fine. It always helped that I could ask my mom, "is he ok?" and my mom would reply "yea hes fine" barly even looking at him. Now hes 99 percentile in height, very smart and perfectly ok, so thats my story.

Answer 9

If she is going to be 2 years old soon then it is necessary for you to keep an eye on her 24/7. If you are outside with her, don't turn your back on her and she won't run into the street and get flattened by a car.


I have seen far too many people who have children deliberately ignore their child when the child is in a position of potential danger. Those people have no conscience whatsoever. They have no business making babies.

Answer 10

You really do need to go to talk to the doctor. Your obsession with your daughter`s safety is taking the joy away from being able to fully enjoy life. No person should have bad dreams at night or constant thoughts of something happening to her child in this magnitude. Please go see someone, as you cannot continue to live this way. Do it for your yourself because your daughter needs a healthy mother.