My girlfriend of 6+ years recently broke up with me, and during that time I slept with another woman. After several months, we began started talking again and she asked me if I had slept with anyone else. I figured honesty was the best policy and told her about this person, though I downplayed the number of times, and then she started asking questions such as who started it, what type of stuff did we do, etc. and I told her that I would answer the questions if she really wanted to know, because I didn't want her to always wonder, but that I wanted to move on past it after that. I figured that owning up to everything was the best move, but now she can't get over the fact and says that all she sees is the two of us (the other girl and myself) together. I now know that I probably didnt make the best move by telling her everything and don't know if there is anything I can do to make the situation better. Help!!!
2006-12-12 13:04:40 · 16 answers · asked by SkiddyRun 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
she hadnt been with anyone else during the breakup
2006-12-12 13:06:26 · update #1
There's nothing you can do. She's choosing to react this way and hold it against you. She asked, you told, she's angry. You can't go back in time and change what happed. She could decide to punish you forever for this, so if she refuses to let it go, you should let her go.
2006-12-12 13:07:32 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honesty is the best policy. If you told your girlfriend no, and she found out about it later; it would hurt her worse than you owning up to the facts from the beginning. What wasn't the best idea was sleeping with someone else so quickly after breaking up with someone you'd been with for 6 years. I don't know why you and your girlfriend broke up in the first place, but the best starting point to healing your relationship is trying to figure out what went wrong in the first place. Also, if you and your girlfriend have been together for 6 years, a good question to ask yourself is if you really love her. Why was it so easy for you to move on so quickly? Also, if you and your girlfriend decide to try to move past this; understand that it will take her a LONG time to get over this. Even though you were broken up, you both invested 6 years in a relationship; and in a short period of time you were intimate with someone else. I wish you both the best of luck and hope that everything works out for the best.
2006-12-12 13:16:15 · answer #2 · answered by tiny_tim 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG! I'd be so mad! But it kinda depends on why you guys broke up. If she dumped you then she doesn't have as much room to fuss at you b/c it was her decision. You should tell her that you were feeling so depressed/upset over the breakup that you were looking for some comfort in someone else to ease your heartache (not in those exact words b/c that sounds really corny) and that you didn't care about the girl at all as far as a relationship goes--she just provided some companionship while you were sad and lonely. Tell your girlfriend how much you love her and cherish her. Let her know that no one can replace her, b/c she probably feels like you could just go get with anyone since you did this right after you broke up and while you were still talking to her. I probably wouldn't be able to fully get over something like this for a few years and would constantly bring it up and quiz you about it for months b/c I would be so hurt and obsessed over it, so you could have this to look forward to. Just make sure you treat her really good and show her how much you love her and care about her. Also, especially when you guys have sex make sure she knows just how much SHE turns you on and how much you love her and tell her so during b/c she's feeling really uncomfortable and insecure in this area right now. It'll take time, though, so just be patient.
2006-12-12 13:21:04 · answer #3 · answered by Kelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, you totally messed up. There are some things that should never be said. No matter how great the relationship is. I don't know man, just hope that she appreciates your honesty. But don't kick yourself for doing the right thing. This will show much she's matured. She should honestly just get over it and move on, but females are TWO people in one. You never know which one you'll get when you open up. The one that will make you regret you ever had a tongue, or the one that will call you names and get over it in time. By the way, she was w/other people man. Maybe she's acting like that because she has a heavy conscious.
2006-12-12 13:11:45 · answer #4 · answered by oaparicio2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you did the right thing by telling her the almost truth. You should sit down with her and tell her that you can't change what you did. But obviously you want her and not the other women and let her know that it was nothing. If she really loves you she will have to get over it. At least you were split up and you told her.
2006-12-12 13:15:37 · answer #5 · answered by vcheney84 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dude she broke up with you - not the other way around!! if u broke up with her and slept with someone else then you would be in the wrong..... but she left you! you moved on the best way u knew how. its up to her if she can get past it, theres nothing u can really do. plus she wanted to know the truth and you were good enough not to lie to her!!! its a hard situation, but u didnt do anything wrong.
2006-12-12 13:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by Justaguy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That sucks. Did you get your beans cleaned up?
You never, ever, ever admit to anything you do while broken up. Her main goal is make herself feel better about things you'll never find out about, i.e. what she did while you were broken up. Whenever she feels bad about what she did, she brings this up. She's projecting guilt.
You have to get her to admit what she did. You risk losing her, but it doesn't sound like that's a bad thing.
2006-12-12 13:09:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
these is nothing that you can do now. she is already a-fixed on this relationship. telling her was the beset thing ever, for heaven sakes you wouldn't have wanted to marry this woman and have these kinds of problems now would you? you did the right thing whether or not she can find it in her heart to let it go will be up to her, this will be the point in the relationship where you make it or break it!
2006-12-12 13:08:27 · answer #8 · answered by Lillian S. Phx Arizona 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sorry fella....you're toast. She'll either continue to let it eat at her until she breaks up with you, or you will grow tired of it and break up with her. She opened the door for it to happen, but she isn't mature enough to handle it now.
2006-12-12 13:16:14 · answer #9 · answered by slick chik 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
after 17 years of marriage, sometimes , saying nothing is best
" what the eye cant see the heart cant grieve"
2006-12-12 13:15:06 · answer #10 · answered by tricky 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋