could i have advice on these poems?

Question

Reality punctured with holes
She tells me to breathe
That nothing is
and nothing is make-belief
Off my tongue words tumble
Without thought
A somersault
Until she is not
anything that is possible
For once not getting caught
In candy-stripped chaos
Of lustful lips
I am real, I maintain
I flap and feel
And rain and reveal
failing to contain myself
I hunger and break
For someone else’s breathe
Awakens to take
and lay me to rest here
at my celebrated death
things I cannot
A careful hand
and strand of hair
For one moment in time
Gives reason to care
Before it tears and drops
With tears you can’t stop
Never knowing concrete
On only bustling streets
And shuffling feet
We will never meet
in reality


how can you offer home
to a stranger unknown
with no map to find
the peaks of the mind
and valleys of the heart
where do you start
to glow and ascend
will purity transcend
when reality invades
and innocence fades
depression is a season
she can see no reason
to keep connection
in this human collection
and so we intellectualize
feelings that are not wise
can a gift stay alive
can a dream still thrive
on the end of this vine
nothing to be mine
but only to for once see
unrestrained eyes free

Answer 1

Woooooooooooooooooooooooowwwww! :)
No, you don't need advice. These are perfect.

Answer 2

Some good stuff my man. You could start with some punctuation. Punctuation tells your reader where to start, stop, and pause. In these works, the reader must just take a huge breath and read it all the way through without ever stopping. Take some Creative Writing Poetry classes and they'll show you how to clean all of this up. Good stuff though my man.

P.S. You're never gonna get good responses about poetry on this site.

"MikeTwemlow" in response to your post--- Yes, even blank verse needs punctuation. And this is not blank verse anyways.

Answer 3

i give them a 6 out of 10 it seems you need to read them a few more times until you have no ? on whether they are good or not i like your word choices and i think you are at least 25 years old a thing that you could do is give a better visual look at all the great works they offer a thick visual it adds character emotion it makes the reader feel like they are there it gives them a better relation to your writing keep it up though

1 more thing you see all those ?s that are in voteing go vote for yourself so you will get 10 points for each 1 look at all of your ?s that are in voteing none ever votes for them selves

Answer 4

I love your writing. Don't worry about punctuation too much in blank verse, the lines do that. Try dropping 'with holes' from the first line of the first poem, its superfluous. Also give your poems names. Your readers will engage more readily. Keep up the fantastic work.

Answer 5

that is very good. you are a good writer how old are you.