Real question about training with women in the martial arts? Guys, do you go easier on the women?

Question

One of our Yahoo martial art community was attacked and I read some answers and thought of this question to raise discussion not arguments. I am wondering if anyone out there is training women "softer" because of their sex?
Possibly it is unintentional as society teaches us to be gentle with ladies. Look around at your school before answering honestly please. I have seen and corrected cases of this at our school.

Answer 1

I've been teaching for many years now. I remember at one time I used to have a rule that "sex" didn't exist on the dojo floor. I treated everyone equally and the same. I required as much from the women as I did from the men. I thought that treating them any other way would be doing them a disservice. After many years of teaching I realize that by NOT treating them as women I have done them a disservice. The bottom line is that women and men are different. We're different in a great number of ways. A man has a natural aggression and fighting spirit. Women have a heart and spirit geared more for nurturing. Men have less emotional content than women. Men are built differently obviously. While I don't treat them "softer" I do acknowledge that women have a different approach to martial arts than men. I think this is even reflected in many traditional systems. I've seen many times where certain weaponry, techniques, methods of movement are intended more for feminine spirit than masculine spirit. So I have adjusted my approach to teaching. While it could be considered a double standard, it is a double standard that is equal. Women train just as hard and are just as effective, it's just different. Just for some examples of what I'm speaking about in case someone is wondering. Men are much more capable of movements requiring upper body strength. Our center of gravity is a little higher and upper region is broader. Therefore, punching techniques that exit from the chamber are more effective for men than women. Women have a lower center of gravity and a slimmer torso (thank god) and as such can generate more power by moving the entire body (since power can be derived from good foundation) therefore, they are more effective with striking techniques that flow from the chamber and have more of a "whipping" action.

Anyhow, just my two cents. I'm just glad to see women at the dojo. Although this last year the guys at our school have been outnumbered by the girls. Go figure.

Answer 2

I'm techincally an instructor, but i don't have my own class.....in my school though, I have never seen adult women being treated softer. Although, the situation never came up, but we were told to go soft incase of pregnancies. Due mostly to certian non-obvious pressure points possibly causing miscariage (sp?).

Personal experience, the most i've gotten beat in sparring was from a woman. She was a second degree, but i didnt' take her seriuosly...luckily this was very early on in my martial arts career. 30 straight seconds of her pounding on me before the teacher just stopped it. Never have been in a fight, but that sure taught me if a girl throws a punch and i don't deserve it....not going to underestimate her.

Another factor i guess is the general softening of marital arts. People sign the waivers about injuries and still sue the studio.

ANother factor is its hard to judge a woman really since classes tend to be dominated by men. I can't hit a woman the same way i'm hitting the 6' 6'' 250 lb of pure muscle guy. The way i kick him and he's comfortable with would break the average person's ribs (man or woman). Also men will ...atelast with my expereince, tell you how hard to hit them. I was happy coming out of class with bloody shins, but the average girl i knew didnt' really want to feel sore the next day. Guys are like this too, but i see it more prevalent in woman.

I was there to learn to fight. Classes 4 days a week......some peopel might argue with my personal

This might have some insight, but i personally hate sparring women. I'm pretty modest myself, but one instance, a well endowed woman's chest was my head height. I think you can figure out what happened....repeatedly.

Another time i was being yelled at for going tooo light. So i threw a medium strength kick and drilled the girl in the face. I've seen men cry in class before, but knowing you just gave a girl a bloody nose does seem worse than giving one to a guy.

Also during some of the grappling type of moves. Grabbing a woman's lapelle (sometimes they dont' wear undershirts). Or straddled choke. Or even a rear chocke where girls behind is all up in your stuff. There is some "sexual" issues i guess is the word.....other stuff to...like how do you know the girl isnt' goign to claim she was molested.

I think society does have an impact....maybe some of my modesty too....but its definatly different when its a man. A man's *** pressed up against another man in the class room isn't "gay"... a woman...its a bit weird.

Answer 3

I personally never went softer on anyone due to age, size, or gender. We were all students and all got treated the same. Keep in mind that just because you know martial arts, that does not make you indestructible. There are people who grew up fighting in school yards who are extremely good fighters.

Keep in mind that women are not designed to take a lot of punishment. Striking a woman does more damage then striking a guy. But women tend to be more flexible and can handle grappling better, whereas small joint manipulation hurts men more.

I used to teach women self defense and the first thing I explained to them was that they did not want to stand and fight toe to toe with a guy. I taught them to strike quick and run away.

Quick story, when I first started taking TKD a girl who was a second degree black belt told me she could kick my butt even though I was much larger. It took me 2.2 seconds to grab her and take her down. You have to understand the physical limitations of someone.

Answer 4

I can say this no they are their to train. I study martial arts and you go to get the training you need or want. They came in knowing they will get bruised or even break a bone. Now I am lucky do to fact their are no women in my school that can fight at my weight or size so I usually have to take on the eight or nine year black belts from other schools. But, trust me one day you will have to take on a girl that you think you should be soft on then wait till you end up on the mat losing. There is one girl at my school that looks like she is delicate but she is ranked number 1 in the US in kung fu for her age and she is already teacher level at 16 so you need to watch out. Soon she will be master level. So just remember they are there to learn just like you so make sure the money they are spending is worth it.

Answer 5

I've known (and come against) women who won't hesitate to go toe to toe with a guy just as quickly; balled fists and ready to fight and I've had to warn them against making such decisions to fight.

And while I don't like the idea of fighting a woman, I would easily face off with a woman just as I would another guy; instead of standing there and doing nothing while the other person thinks I'm a pushover just because I don't always display an aggressive side to my personality.

In my opinion, once you've made the conscious decision to fight (especially if you're over 18), then you're just as willing to take whatever consequences your actions may garner.

We have a young lady who recently joined our adult class, and she is a bit timid especially in her sparring, I do work to be as aggressive as possible without going overboard but also encourage her to be more aggressive in her own counters and attacks, we all (the guys in the class) do what we can to get her to be more aggressive.

but I do have to admit that I'm tempted to pull my techniques, especially with her (but then I do it with everyone in the class so as not to hurt anyone in class).

we all work to boost the women's training in the class so that they can go full on with the guys in the class, and we've had pretty good success with it..

but yeah I do think you're right that it could be an unintentional motive ingrained in us as guys from the time we're kids that it's not cool to hit women.

But at the same time, we all train to learn how to defend ourselves so we ALL have to train in more realistic situations so that when something like that happens we are more prepared for it.

Answer 6

Honestly yes, it’s very hard to deprogram my Southern upbringing. To actually lay your hands on a woman is something that I am having a hard time with but I am learning to use a little more resistance in training.

But on the other hand I fully understand by not showing the ladies in class full respect of treating them exactly as I do my male training partners I hinder their training. Anyone can get a false sense of security by training under less than realistic conditions.

Hope that helps

I train in American Kenpo, I’m a Blue belt.

Answer 7

In my school everyone is treated the same , we train hard with hard contact . I don't think it was the fact that as a female she was given "softer" training , I honestly think she was just so surprised and scared that she fainted . I've seen that happen to a lot of people when faced with similar situations . They get so scared that they basically shut down .

Answer 8

No I don't but then I am Dan graded & quite honestly I don't believe you need to go lighter. Mary at my Dojo is about 26 or so & if I went light she'd just hit me harder. Now I do go lighter with Sarah. She is about 12 and very small for her age. I am a quick with her as I am with any other person of her rank but I don't hit her hard as her body just isn't big enough to take it. In short you have to use some common sense here.

Answer 9

I try to train to just above the comfortable level with whoever I'm partnering. This way they are challenged but not overwhelmed, and get the opportunity to improve. If the girl is good, strong and aggressive, that's how we'll train. If she's a bit dappy and unsure of herself, i'll be gentler than with the first girl, but still try to stretch her a bit until she eventually does become good, strong and aggressive in defending herself. And that's not just with girls - I do the same for guys too.

Answer 10

That depends on the situation, too. I very nearly got beaten up at a belt test one day. I thought this middle aged woman I was to spar against might go easy. She kicked me hard enough to change my mind in a hurry. The sudden realization she was using full contact, woke me in an instant. Some women fight to win!