Help I need help with my kids?

Question

I have a 3 and a 5 year old boys and they are absolutely out of control. I use the discipline that I am supposed to I dont let them hit on each other or run wild but yet it seems all i do is get on to them cus they are doing this stuff all the time. They tare up things all the time and they constantly tell me that they hate me and want to live with their father. should a 3 and 5 year old be saying things like that? What can I do besides putting them on time out and taking things away from them for discipline?open to suggestions here cuswha ti am doing is not working.

I do spank them when i feel that that its needed. I dont feel that spanking is abuse. Their father and I have been divorced for over a year now. and thye just started this since his girlfrien moved out.

Answer 1

I will be honest.You might think I am wrong but............ YOU HAVE TO BEAT THEIR ***. Now there is a fine line between discipline and child abuse, so don't cross it. It sounds like your kids do love you, but they do not respect you. Demand your respect back. You gained eternal respect during childbirth. So give them a real *** whooping. You can pull him across your knee and let his bottom have it, or you can swat at his hind legs. Keep your palm open with not too much power in your stroke
( they ARE ONLY 3 & 5 ). It will instill a sense of respect back in them. They get away w/ murder because YOU let them! They know if they act up, they will only get time out ( oh, and by they way, kids do not take time-outs seriously) or they get something taken away and even then, they know if they moan and whine and beg and start getting on your nerves, you will eventually give it back to them. After you whoop their asses, let them know you still love them and that you did this to show them that they have to respect you. YOU ARE MAMA. YOUR WORD IS STONE. ACT LIKE IT!!

Answer 2

It sounds like they are trying to gain some power. They are in a broken home and feel they have no control. They have been through a lot of changes. Begin empathizing with them. “I can tell you’re feeling (angry, hurt, mad, frustrated)” or “I know you really miss your dad. It is hard for you that he is not here with you.” They will learn to express their feelings rather than lash out at you.

I know you love your children and want them to be happy, but many parents make the mistake of wanting their child to “like” them. If this sounds like you, it will be difficult for your children to learn to respect you as a parent. When children do not respect their parents, the parents have no control of them and the child feels they do not have a "safety net" (strong parents who can set and stick by a limit provide a safety net). Children scream for limits! It sounds like your children may be screaming for a limit.

Over the years I have had to come up with alternative techniques to disciplining children and they work! Using natural and logical consequences whenever possible work best. Taking away a toy or privileges when a child misbehaves is not a logical consequence. Spanking is a punishment and does not teach self control. Time outs are punishments as well and, therefore, do not work. Taking away a toy if a child throws it or is destructive with it is logical. These are some other examples of logical consequences. If a child makes a mess, they clean it. If they break something, they put it in the trash and no one can use it. If they tare something up, they put it in the trash and maybe do some things around the house to pay off the damages. If they are wanting to run wild, give them a place where they can vent. If they tell you they hate you or they want to live with their father, don’t make an issue out of it. Simply say “I’m sorry you feel that way.” The discipline always fits the crime.

Another technique I use when a child is misbehaving is this. As soon as they misbehave, I get down to their level and say "I don't like when you (I explain what and why)." I take them gently by the hand and put them in a spot away from the other children and say "When you're ready to (control yourself, listen, behave) then you can come back with us." This is not a time out because I do not set a time limit (me controlling the child). The child returns when he or she is ready to control themselves.

I notice children when they are not misbehaving. I say things like "You worked on that for a long time! Look how high you can climb! You can run super fast! You used so many colors on that picture!" These are intrinsic motivators rather than extrinsic rewards ("Good job," stickers, candy). These phrases are great confidence builders, great ways to show positive attention, and help children to feel powerful in a positive way.

Set limits and follow through. Offer choices, not chances “Do you want to do that by yourself or do you want some help?” "No" should mean "No" the first time you say it. I say "Yes" as much as possible. Be patient and consistent. Hope this helps! Good luck!

Answer 3

Sounds like there is lots of stress and lots of anger...
Best is to start talking. Ask them how they feel, about dad, about mom now that she is alone, if they miss dad, what would make things easier for them....discuss....you should not underestimate their feelings because they are little...get counseling if necessary, if money is an issue, many churches provide counbseling on a sliding scale.
Also, try to involve, dad, have one sone with dad one weekend, the other the other weekend. This will give you time to talk with the other child. Allow for anger spells, but remain steady yourself. SO not loose control over yourself, this can cause instability in them... they also sense your anger and your loss of control since he left. The faster you get a grip on life, the sooner they will too!!!!!!!

Answer 4

what i'm about to suggest is not abuse. there is a difference between beating your kids senseless and spanking them. spanking worked for my friend with her out of control boys. also, don't show anger at them when they say they want to live with their dad, just tell them that it's too bad and that they can't always get what they want. or talk to them about why they do what they do. when did you and their father split up? they could just be acting out, in which case, going easy isn't the answer, but you'll at least know why. also ask them if they would like it if someone treated them that way. not so often, but sometimes, reasoning works at their ages. good luck

Answer 5

I know you've probably heard this a million times...tough love! The only necessity for them is a place to live, clothes on their back, and food. Everything else is wanted. Therefore...when they come home from daycare or school they go to their room and have no "free time." You need to take all of their things out of their room except for their bed. When they act better they can start earning there things back. The most important thing is sticking to your word and don't give in. Belive me, it's easier said than done. I went to parenting classes for my 4 year old who was straight showin her tail...and was given that wonderful advice. It works belive it or not...but it's hard the first week or so. Good Luck!

Answer 6

Sounds like they are having a real difficult time because they do not have a stable life. You and dad divorced, dad had a girlfriend not to mention he had her living there with him when he had custody showing these kids that marriage is not sacred or even necessary and then the girlfriend left. These poor kids have had a hell of a year. You need to concentrate on these kids and give them tons of attention, play with them lots, talk to dad about not bringing around other women. it would never hurt to get them counseling so they have someone to talk to. They need structure and love!

Answer 7

There are going to be many solutions offered to you tonight. As you read them try to imagine you are using those methods on your kids, then rely on your gut to tell you if that solution might work. If your gut says no, listen to it. Try any of the solutions offered but rely on your gut. There is no easy answer to your problem but there is a solution. In the meantime is there anyone who could possibly give you a hand or a break? Good Luck.

Answer 8

hi Fluffy! LOVE the lovable little penguin. I (the human in the back of this cat) do no longer have youthful ones nor do i choose youthful ones. it truly is a mutual contract between my husband and that i using genetic malformities on his area and particular challenge on my area that ought to ward off us from having little ones. i do no longer remorseful about it. I somewhat have pets particularly (that is why i love the penguin) and they are purely like human little ones, yet you do not ought to deliver them to school or hardship about drug or alcohol habit. different issues proceed to be an same. Potty education, way education (which some people do not even get), obediance education (lower back some people are with out). you need to take them to the healthcare professional at the same time as they get ill. you need to freshen up after them. you need to video exhibit them so as that they don't get into stuff they ought to not. you need to guard them from predators or different vicious human beings or animals. you need to play with them and boost them nicely. you need to feed them wisely and beware in the adventure that they get fat. be certain they get adequate excersize... the mummy intuition in me says I somewhat must have pets so I somewhat have something to nurture. particular, strolling stick insects do not choose THAT a lot nurturing, yet they're somewhat cool! I choose you the finest of luck with your destiny human little ones.

Answer 9

count to three and send them to their rooms or separate rooms for a while, theyll get it eventully, also find something that you three can do together, such as puzzles, modeling, when in the grocery store make list for them with cut outs from the adds, so they can be busy helping, and no sweets after 5.

Answer 10

Nanny 911 - watch that

There's lots of great tips of how to get your kids to behave...

Or look her up online, her name is Jo