They say I made a BIG mistake?

Question

A little background info: I met and fell in love with what seemed to be the perfect guy, we were together almost 2 years, I became pregnant and he told me that I should just leave him because in his words"there is no telling what I would do or say to you and I dont want to cause you any more pain". aka GONE He moved away to another state. I now have a 6 month old daughter to raise alone. Now, there is no chance I would get back with my ex because I know I need to move on and he clearly doesnt want me or my daughter. I was discussing dating with a friend of mine and she said I have made a big mistake by having this baby. she said I ruined my chances of being with my ex and that it is not likely that I will find someone who truly accepts myself and my daughter. She said that men will only try and use me for sex, but wont be a father to another man's kid. and also If the first guy didnt care enough about mom and baby, the next guy wont either Im really hurt by her comment even if true

Answer 1

Don't let your friend lie to you. They are plenty of men dating women with kids that are not theirs. If a man mets you & he says he's not trying to be a father for your child. That's fine. You're not looking for one anyway, correct? When you first meet a person, you're just trying to get to know them. As feelings get stronger, you learn it's no big deal, really.

Also, forget about your ex. What kind of man leaves his woman? What kind of man runs away when he has a child to take care of? **** him.

Answer 2

Sadly what she told you is true. Although, you should never consider your beautiful daughter a mistake. The man was a mistake, the daughter is fate. Let life take it's path, obviously they're something more in store for you besides that good for nothing ex. Just raise your daughter and wait until a real man comes along, at some point someone will step up and father another man's child.

Answer 3

honestly i know how u feel from family experience thats not true he may not have realized what he had he was scared and a coward, but there are plenty of men who find it in their hearts to care for a woman, on the real side many men although they struggle to accept it they like it in a way because a woman such as ur self will be far more experienced and prepared in life, not only providing of urself but for ur beautiful daughter. Everyone makes mistakes if it weren't for them life would be boring and pointless, we learn from them and we fall to pick ourselves up.
And like she said it ain't no lie they might try to use us but the only thing u can do is stay strong and stay away form those and remember you can;t just tihnk about urself but about the baby too... no one can judge or define ur mistakes but yourself and God so take every experience as a learning and let it better u for the future, as for finding another man i'm sure the right one will come along and if he's reall he'll love u with or without a child he'll love u for you , the woman and loving mother that u are and will grown to be

Answer 4

Just be careful out there...most women come with families, it's almost a given in the dating scene (over 30 crowd), so you will not be alone. Just be up front about your daughter, and be sure that the guy understands that it's a package deal. Also, you sound young, but mature for your age, so you may want to start looking for guys a bit older than yourself...it takes a while for guys to grow up in some areas, and it takes a while to get ready for the role of "step-parent". There are guys out there that will accept this responsibility...you just have to look.

By the way, you may want to avoid the bars, and look for guys in parenting classes, or other groups...you may just end up being a "step-parent" yourself...it often works out like that, and it's probably for the best.

In any case, don't be down about things, and don't carry a grudge against all men because you ran into one that was afraid of responsibility.

Answer 5

Your friend doesn't sound very "friendly". There are plenty of men who would be willing to be with you. Having a baby is a big deal and something to consider but isn't everyone mostly interested in finding a person that is right for them? You seem to have a healthy attitude about your ex - and I think it's wise to move on from him. What men want is a stable, energetic, fun person to be with. Work on being the best person you can be and you will attract someone who is willing to accept both you and your daughter into his life.

Answer 6

What your friend told you is not true!!!
I'm sure you love your daughter and you certainly don't think she's a "mistake".
Did you make some bad judgment calls, maybe. But no use crying over spilt milk.
Dad is a jerk and you're better off without him (but make sure he pays for child support!!!!!).
As far as meeting other men. It's true alot of men don't want to get into a relationship where a child is involved. But there are many men who love children and could still be a father to your child.
Don't give up!!!

Answer 7

It may be hard to find someone willing to a be a father figure dont try to hide it or make them it will come naturally You dont need him if he dont want to be a father, but you should seek a court order to get child support although you may not want to have anything to do with him every time he gets paid and half his check goes to you for the next 18 years he will remember he walked out on you and your daughter. I cant stand guys that walk away from their kids There are some good guys out there dont feel sorry for yourself or think you made mistake. Good luck

Answer 8

But her comment is not true! There are PLENTY of men who are willing to care about you and your daughter. These are the type of men that you need to find. But right now, your main focus should be on your daughter. She deserves to experiance life with a loving and caring mother, ecspecially so she does not take the rejection of her father too hard when she is older.

Good luck!

Answer 9

Honestly your friend needs to get a adjustment in her head, cause i think one day once you are ready you will find a great guy who wants to be with you and your daughter.... dont ever let anyone tell you that you shouldnt have had your kid cause your ex dont want you... honey there are guys out there who just dont think and that he just left the best thing in his life hasnt crossed his mind... but just think you got the best part... you have a daughter who will always love and someone that you can always love and that has to be the greatest thing of everything.....

Answer 10

first of all, you did not make any mistake by keeping your child. if anything, you are one of the few brave women in the world who will go on without a man.
your friend doesn't know what she is talking about. you kept your daughter because you felt like she was a huge part of you.
that thing she said about men wanting to use you for sex is crap. they will use you if you let them. you have pr oven your self stronger than one,i.e your x.
in time to come, you will find someone who will love you for who you are and what you have. some one who will be a father to your precious baby girl and some one who will appreciate you for who you are. your x was apparently nothing but a jerk. he could,t handle life to the xtreme and left. you and your little girl are better of without him.
beside if your friend was any friend she would not try to depress you like that, she would be there for you and tell you that you will find some one that is right for you soon.
don't give up the faith and believe in the choices that you make, after all it is because of one that you still have your daughter. be there for her and let here show you joy. you will find what you are looking for soon.