My 5 year old and his best friend?

Question

My son's best friend is the neighbor across the street. They are only a few months apart but the boy across the street seems a couple years older by size and attitude. He is a nice enough boy but he does not respect his mom, or me for that matter and my son is picking up on this behavior. They go to kindergarten together and sometimes play after school. When it is time to go home from school or from his friends house my son's does a big scene and bursts into tears and screams he wants to go to his friends house or wants to stay. Which is normal enough, except this other boy will start kicking or hitting his mom or refuse to leave our house unless my son goes with him. His mom is a good friend of mine and I am torn on what to do. Today my son, my neighbor and the boy went to an outdoor christmas function. My son would not listen to me the moment we met up with them and both kids darted out into traffic. My husband and I are thinking of switching schools and refusing the 2 play.

What do you think?
Any ideas that doesn't involve beating my child? He gets spanking and time-outs, none are working just wondering about other ideas. Should I keep the two apart? I have been coaching my son on not acting like his friend, but he is only 5.

Thanks for all your answers, some of them we are already implementing. Thanks for your curteous and thoughtful answers. It is very much appreciated. Some of the answers here I will not dignify with an answer. It always surprises me when someone needs help how many people are helpful and still yet some are hurtful.

Answer 1

Let the mother know, how her son treats her is not right. But more importantly about your son, I know the first thing you would think to do is refuse the two to play, but before you do that try some other things that might help some. When your son is over there he can pick up on certain things that other boy does, and you cant control that cause your not there with him. But if your boy is at Your house you can see his behavior and you CAN control it. Instead of having your son go there were you dont know whats going on, have the boys at your house, where you can see whats going on. Suggest groups, or different playmates to your son. chances are he will find another friend, that will probably be a little better for him. take into consideration he is also five. but also know you need to stop this as quickly as it started. hope i gave you some good suggestions
bless you, your son and your husband.
and happy holidays!

Answer 2

I think switching schools might be a little drastic, but I would definitely limit the amount of time they spend together and ensure that your son receives consequences for his behaviour. The consequences of bad behaviour with the friend is eliminating the time they spend together.

If his friend kicks up a scene then you might want to tell your son that he cannot spend time with his friend when his friend acts that way, that way they both learn the consequences of bad behaviour. The best way to teach the lesson is to FOLLOW THROUGH consistently every time and do not give in.

Answer 3

I would stop letting your child play with this boy. Maybe you should talk to the Mom about there behaviors and see if the 2 of you can work on something together. Explain to your son why he is not allowed to play with this other boy. He will understand.

Answer 4

Well it would seem someone so preachy and up their as$ with constant bible thumping would have heard of spare the rod and spoil the child. Or is it just that you use the "good book" much like a salad bar? Picking and choosing and leaving the rest behind when it does not suit your tastes. Perhaps? Hmmmm? If you are going to be sanctimonious you should try to be more careful with your words and questions for you come off as someone whom has had there I.Q. seriously hindered by single mindedness which has lead to wrong headiness. I feel sorry for you and wish you the best yet not sorry enough to take pity upon your skewed mentality.
Oh yes did I mention you thought you were correcting my grammar on one of my questions which to me seems a very satanic thing to do. Are you not supposed to forgive and except others? Or are you just picking at that salad bar, yet again?

Answer 5

deny him play time with his friend after school and weekends till he can learn to respect you and others and be sure to tell him every time he wants to go play that he doesn't get to because of the way he acts while with his friend. Give it a week do a trial period see how he behaves and if no results try it for another week. You have to be persistant and unwavering and consistant. I just went through this with my 4yr old and 7yr old and believe it or not my 4yr old learned faster than my 7yr old.

Answer 6

Its hard to do at 1st, but yes keep ur son and this kid apart. Ive had the same problem with my daughter and a neighbour, it had to be done they arnt at the same school so this helped me. for the 1st couple of weeks i just made sure i spent quality time together after school, i kept her so busy that she was happy with me and didnt notice she wasnt with her friend, over a couple of weeks i let other kids come over or she learns to play by herself

Answer 7

i think of each and every youngster is going with the aid of some thing like this and she or he will in all possibility improve out of it. it can be a solid theory to talk to her mom and probably have her tell the little female that she won't have the skill to flow along with her sister to play at their chum's domicile if she retains taking issues. the subsequent time she comes over, have her empty her wallet- pants and coat- in the previous she leaves. If she gets caught like this she will in all possibility be embarrassed and it is not going that she will do it lower back. She's 5 so it is not comparable to she's entitled to privateness approximately what's in her wallet.

Answer 8

Separate the children as soon as the bad behavior begins.....immediately. Minimum to different rooms for 5 to 10 minutes. Then reunite them. If either of them disobeys you at anytime, immediately separate them for 5 to 10 minutes. Reward them when they do pay attention to you. Tell them they can have an extra few minutes to play if they listen to you, and when they DO listen, reward with cookies, candy, special activity, etc. With children that age, reward, and punishment must be immediate, and they must recognize EXACTLY what behavior is being rewarded or punished....You can also ignore the bad behavior, and reward any good behavior. Perhaps reward your son for NOT throwing temper tantrums?

Answer 9

spanking and time outs are good punishments, but in things like this they dont prevent the bad behavour. you have 2 options to my mind.


1. speak to the other mum, tell her your concerns and see if you can get her to be a bit tuffer on her son, but also dont tolerate your sons behavour, even if his friends get away with it, dont let him, keep the discipline going.

2 if number 1 fails, then stop allowing them to play togther, its mean and tuff but your kid will get over it and will proberly forget all about him in a year or 2. you dont need to switch school, but stop allowing the after school play dates, because at school thier are other kids and adults who will step in when it gets out of hand, when they are at his friends house theirs none of that and that is where he is getting the behavour from.

Answer 10

Do not switch schools. That will only teach him to run from problems.

You are responsible for your child ONLY. Not hers. Do what you want with your own and stop judging others.

My son would not listen, you say? Who do you think you are? This is perfectly normal behavior for a 5 year old. Now TRAIN HIM!!! Time outs are stupid. Spank him until he cries. If you stop short of that, you are wasting your time.

This is NOT child abuse, it is child rearing.