why do insecure/unattractive men want to put attractive women down?

Question

Why do some insecure, not-particularly-attractive men try to date women who are way out of their league and then just wind up trying to put the woman down? I am speaking specifically about a short, scrawny, very average-in-every-way man I know, who is chronically insecure. He will date a woman who is goodlooking and way more successful and instead of enjoying it he will make negative little comments about the woman, in a desperate attempt to make her doubt herself - presumably so she won't realize she can do WAY better than him. It seems really twisted that these kinds of nondescript men would try to build themselves up by putting somebody else down. I'm talking about men who make passive aggressive comments about everything from her weight to her speaking voice. Unless the woman is actually retarded, there is no way that a woman with a lot going for her is going to put up with Joe Ordinary constantly cutting her down. Ladies, if a man claims you're too good for him: you are! :

Answer 1

A lot of men are controlling and attempt, foolishly it may appear, to hold onto "love" by humiliating and insulting the object of his affection, in an effort to lower her self-esteem, and make her cling to him out of desperation. In reality they hate themselves and are self-destructive, while destroying someone else becomes the projection of their feelings, and even if someone were to come to obey them utterly, the controlling person would turn the rules around and go after them from the opposite side. Dictators follow this same methodology, with control seeming to be their goal, but actually annihilation is all they seek.

Answer 2

Sounds like you had a bad date who made you feel really bad, but thats okay. You will bounce back. The guy can be labled as a verbal bully who has interpersonal conflicts he should really resolve. No one should put anyone down for any reason. But we all know that will never happen.

Verbal bullys feel bad about themselves and the only way they can make themselves better is by putting others down in hopes of making that person feel just as bad as they do. They also want others to think they are better and one step above everyone else.

Its a crazy world out there with alot of sick and nasty people.

Best of luck.

Answer 3

I believe that insecure men put down women who are attractive and ect because they truly dislike themselves. They must build their character,by destroying someone elses. They truly have a problem because they feel they are unworthy of a woman, so they seek to find someone who has it goin on and bring them down. They try to make it seem as if they are "the stuff", when in actuality they are full of it. They want to parade this pretty wonderful woman around so they can make themselve look like a p-i-m-p, playa, balla, shot caller, etc. Basically be someone that they are not. They need to stop. When someone is unsecure about themselve, it show internally and externally. They are not fooling anyone, and the sad part is that they are not even fooling themselves. This is why they try to destroy a good woman demeanor to raise their own. This attempt is pointless, because they are unworthy and need to find out the root of their problem instead of displacing their issues on another individual.

Answer 4

Because he's a relationship retard.

It could be a couple of things:

He may be insecure and thinks that she will leave him, and therefor wants to make her feel like she can't do any better in hopes that she'll cling on to him due to this newly-instilled false perception that "she can't do any better and he's the best she'll get so she'd better hang on".

Or he might have been hurt in the past and is doing this as a preemption to his getting dumped, so that if she leaves him (which he would believe that she will) his pride won't be as hurt as it was when he worshipped the ground that his ex walked on. He'll feel like he had already retaliated in advance, and he'll feel better about having treated this woman, who dumped him, badly.

Either way comes down to insecurity. Of course I could be totally wrong on both of these, but I figured I'd throw out a couple of guesses for you.
Good luck to your friend. ;-)

Answer 5

Unattractive women do that to attractive men too. It is about jealousy or the ugly person thinking the good looking person thinks they are better because of their looks.

Answer 6

Good question...
Some kind of defense mechanism as you surmised..
I had a similar but opposite problem when younger..
I was a geek but my family had ( and still does ) a LOT
of money...
I was constantly being demeaned and rejected when I
approached beautiful women and then they were constantly
coming back to me a few days or weeks later after they found
out who I was....Or who my family was...
Too late, so sad, too bad....

Answer 7

"Out of their league?" That is a very shallow comment in it's self. First of all, don't act like your doing him this huge favor by dating him!
I agree that people shouldn't treat each other so badly. That's ugly.
Maybe next time she gets into a relationship with a man, she won't just skim the surface and look a little deeper into her own heart and Joe's.

Answer 8

Because he is jealous and envious of the confidence she has. Sad that some are like that They miss out on great things in life.Then so do we. As for your last statement. That with some men is debatable. Not every man is like that. I do agree with your statement regarding the man you described. You are better than that.

Answer 9

that's true, many men go for women and think that they deserve people who are way out of their league. to all the little guys out there. look for a women with a personality and cherish her for her strengths.

Answer 10

Jealousy!