This is my story. I am the mother in the story.
I would like to share this with everybody. Please tell me what you think! Thank You.
http://www.michigansthumb.com/site/news.cfm?newsid=17500916&BRD=2292&PAG=461&dept_id=571474&rfi=6
2006-12-12 09:42:58 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Pay no attntion to the nay-sayers. If it had said that a molecule from the big bang that was left over bounced off an ape that turned into man and had floated around for 3 gazillion years before landing on your daughter and revived her.....THEN they would have been happy. The guy talking about being god-fearing and not speeding is obviously mistaken in what it means. Fact is, your story is awesome.
http://planttel.net/~meharris1/mikescorner.html
2006-12-12 09:55:12 · answer #1 · answered by green93lx 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I hate to pick on your story but where was the narrator? What was the girl wearing? what where the parents wearing? What kind of car was it? What color was it? Was it smashed? What kind of damage did the car and the adults have?. For someone who doesn't have kids what direction was the seat and how should it have been positioned?
The meat of the story was great. But what brings a story to life is the visual details which is very hard to remember to bring in.
Take this example
James climbed up the tree to his tree house. His two friends were waiting for him.
Now that evokes an image of a child climbing but it leaves a lot out. Now try this
James, A blond haired boy with a grubby red shirt and blue jeans climbed the old maple tree. It's a clear spring morning, the gentle breeze shakes the new green leaves. Upward he can hear the voices of his friends Steven and kyle shouting down to him from the small wooden treehouse painted dark green. James climbs up the tree scuffing his school shoes and getting a few scratches on his hands.
Now which one gives you a picture in your mind? If you did that to your story it would pop a whole lot better than it does now. But like I said your concept is great.
Good luck and e mail me when and if you fix the story. Bye
Side note:
I just talked to the person who posted the question. I had not realized that it was a true story. It was written by the guy's cousin. I had thought it was just a story. It is very insightful and meaningful what had happend and it's a story that should be passed around.
bye again!
2006-12-12 18:09:09 · answer #2 · answered by mistyfan69 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I didn't read the whole story, but from what I read- the beginning reads like a newspaper and the middle is more of a story. The inconsistant style was distracting. It sounds like your trying to hard to tell the story a certain way.... try to be more natural and flow with your words
2006-12-12 17:50:52 · answer #3 · answered by Katharine A 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yawn
2006-12-12 17:44:39 · answer #4 · answered by Glen Quagmire 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Preety Good Keep on going
2006-12-12 17:45:51 · answer #5 · answered by White Girl 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Me thinks thou art looking for validation...
Funny how it is God that is responsible for saving your daughters life..... Seems to me that if you were truly a God fearing Christian, you wouldnt be running stop signs at high rates of speed with a baby in the backseat, causing nearly fatal accidents...
And thank God for CPR.
2006-12-12 17:50:40 · answer #6 · answered by YDoncha_Blowme 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Your story is a manifestation that "God really move in mysterious ways that can never be fathomed by man." Glorify the Lord and praise Him !"
2006-12-12 17:52:37 · answer #7 · answered by dimma59 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
wow, I believe in God now!
when I read it, it was as if there was an angel here.
i like the way the story weaves both military and religious propaganda together. pure genius!
2006-12-12 17:47:31 · answer #8 · answered by Ann_Tykreist 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
oh wow my eyes watered up, very good story and im happy your baby is ok
2006-12-12 17:49:33 · answer #9 · answered by dunno 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Thank you for the story it lifted my day.... Jim
2006-12-12 17:56:30 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋