is a bum. He has been on and off in school trying to finish. He needs money, and I'm afraid we can't always give him money. Now, he is stealing from us. It's terrible. Stealing from my daughter and my husband and I. What should I do? He does not have his drivers license, and he will not go get it. He has been driving around without one! What should I do? This is so stressful.
2006-12-12 09:39:21 · 17 answers · asked by Captain705 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Have him arrested for stealing and tell him to get out on his own.
2006-12-12 09:42:26 · answer #1 · answered by JS 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
There isn't much you can do to easily make him change. He is an adult now ... you have no control over his behavior anymore.
So do you really want someone who's out of control living in your home?
Tell him you will not be giving him any more money. He will have to earn his own. Hand him a copy of the Classifieds and tell him to find a good job that will pay for school if he wants to go back, because he's not showing much initiative.
Also tell him that you know he's been stealing. Put a lock on your room and your daughter's, and tell him that you will call the police if anything else goes missing.
Mention that you also know he's been driving without a license and that is not acceptable. Is this your car? If so, lock up the keys when you're not in it. It must be, because I don't know what state would let you register a car without a license.
If he disagrees with any of those terms, it's time for him to go. If he agrees to shape up, he has two weeks to find a job, AND a curfew. I'd suggest 8 pm, since he's acting like an out-of-control 15-year-old.
If he disagrees but refuses to leave, call the police. They will MAKE him leave. It's your house. While they're evicting him you can also report the numerous times he's stolen your car and money. Plus the thing about driving without a license.
That's all you can do at this point. Good luck.
He will either shape up and have a good life, or end up in prison. If you let things continue as they are, he will end up in prison for something. Give him a shot at the good life ... but he has to take it. If not, he'll have to make it on his own.
2006-12-12 18:02:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having him arrested might be the only way to straighten him out. If you can't bear to do that without trying everything else you can, give him an ultimatum to go to counselling with you. Maybe there is some issue besides laziness that stops him moving out and getting a job, like low self esteem, and some grievance that he can't voice to you that makes him steal. An accredited counsellor will try to get to the heart of why he does what he does, improve your relationship and help him move on with his life. If you can't afford to pay a counsellor, there are some charity-supported groups like Relate in the UK (who used to just help couples but now do family relationships too. See www.relate.org.uk. If he won't co-operate you must make him move out, because you can't put up with that. If he still doesn't sort himself out and especially if he is living a lifestyle that is dangerous for himself or others, getting him arrested might be the only thing left to do. Good luck!
2006-12-12 18:04:18 · answer #3 · answered by tara4willow 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like a little tough love is in order here. He will never learn to take care of himself if he always has you all to do it for him. Make him move out!! He's supposed to be an adult, so make him start acting like one. It sounds harsh, and I am not in any way trying to sound mean to you, but this is what he's going to need. He obviously doesn't appreciate the things that you are trying to do for him, by stealing from you. Show him some tough love, it will hurt you as much (if not more) than him, so make sure that your husband will support you in this. You will need it. As a mom, you want to do everything that you can for your children and it's hard to tell them no, but he's 25. He should have a job and at least a rented place by now. Esp. his DL. He's been slacking, letting you and your husband take care of him, so he doesn't see the need in doing anything for himself. I am sorry that this is happening to you, and it's not going to be easy to do. But for his sake, you need to do it. I wish you the best of luck hon.
2006-12-12 17:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by Crystal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is you need to try some tough love. I think it is time to push the baby bird from the nest. The only way he is going to grow up and take care of himself is when he is forced to. You have a tough road ahead of you, but he will be a better person in the end. And as for the stealing, confront him about it and call the police on him if he does it again. Good luck.
2006-12-12 17:51:26 · answer #5 · answered by raynesmomie 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'd have to agree with the majority. This calls for TOUGH love. It will be VERY hard for you, but if you don't "cut him off," he will take advantage of you until there is nothing left of you to give. He will move on and start taking advantage of other people outside of the family (if he hasn't started already.) If he's stealing from you, he probably has no problem stealing from others either.
I also think counseling for you wouldn't be a bad idea!
2006-12-12 17:50:28 · answer #6 · answered by momathomewith2boys 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get your head out of your bum and be a parent!!!! he is 25!!He is most definatly an adult.......Show some freakin tough love and let him know he is not welcome n your home if he is stealing from his own family he needs to be turned in!
Also if he is driving with out a license call the police on him......
And dont EVER let him take your care or your keys......
that is rediculous
he needs to get a reality check
2006-12-12 17:45:44 · answer #7 · answered by mommy2be in march! 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Um kick him out of the house and don't let him back in without a job, license and a life. He will keep doing what he is doing as long as you enable him to do it. Cut everything off and tell him to grow up. He will figure it out soon enough. Just be strong he will be fine.
2006-12-12 17:43:44 · answer #8 · answered by Ask Me 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First of all call the cops and have him thrown in jail. It is called tough love and every relationship needs it. He should be out in the world supporting himself no matter what happens or what he thinks.
Have him get a license or call the cops for that too.
2006-12-12 17:49:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm I don't know but when you find out let me know my brother doesn't steal but will not get a job mom has paid for him to get training in the field he chose but he is still not working and has been fired or quit from so many companies that now no one will hire him.
2006-12-12 17:48:50 · answer #10 · answered by jo_jo_baby2004 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's easy to tell other parents how to handle their children... especially if you have none of your own, or they're little angles. But, I've got one like yours. He doesn't steal from us, but he's a bum. If it weren't for us he'd be on the streets........maybe. Well, let's face it, we know what to do.....we just don't want to do it. We love our kids more than they love us...or themselves. Sorry I wasn't more help.
2006-12-12 17:54:00 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋