My girl and I have been dating for 4 months now and very recently we told each other in detail a lot of things about our past. Im not going to beat around the bush, Ive slept with 4 girls and she has slept with 9 guys including me. Four of which she tells me were during a time in her life(around 6 months) where she was looking for love and companionship so basically slept with them to feel that way(once or twice,). The remaining were relatively serious boyfriends whom she was happy with but didn't work out. I had intercourse when I was 18 for the first time and she was 15 with her first. My past is certainly no beacon of light, one of mine was in fact a one night stand. However, I still find myself having difficulty accepting those things about her and I hate how the fact that she told me this it is actually affecting how I feel about her. She tells me she regrets these things and that it was a strange time in her life. Any advice on the situation?
2006-12-12 09:21:21 · 7 answers · asked by joe schmoe 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Try this one, one day we were flagged to pull over, and my girlfriend (now wife) knew the guy as they had previously dated.
You need to understand also that mistakes are an opportunity to learn, and by the sounds of it, she has learnt that jumping into a guys bed does not satisfy the craving for love.
I admit when you think about it it makes you sick, but you need to understand that you and she can only control your behavior from when you meet, the past is the past, you are trying to build on the present and the future. You can only do this if you both start from a clean slate. It is none of your business what happened before you started getting serious (or the old term going steady) with her as you were not in the scene.
I had to learn this in a harder way, when I met my now deceased wife at heart over the internet, she was living with another guy. 3 months later we met in real life after she dumped him, but she had sex twice with him and told me months afterwards (in hindsight now it I guess was a sign she was not interested in him, cause we were like rabbits for the first few months). Me being a virgin made it more difficult for me to handle at the time as I could not understand it.
Sadly this caused lots of problems in our relationship.
With this in mind I would suggest if you can't get past this, then dump her. She does not need to be reminded by mistakes she is probably ashamed of, and be badgered by it.
Best of luck
2006-12-12 13:40:37 · answer #1 · answered by bumbass2003 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First piece of advice will be dont ever ask and dont ever tell these things about your past. Everybody has a # of people you slept with that is ok with them but rarely do yours and their # match up. Second piece of advice will be the past is the past so forget about anything prior to her meeting you. Third piece of advice will be dont ever judge a girl by how many guys she has slept with unless its the whole football team. Hers is 9 to your 4. What is the big deal ?? What if her's was 1 and she freaked out because you had 3 more than her ? Are you a different person now then when you only had one under your belt ?? Its not a big deal.
2006-12-12 09:29:50 · answer #2 · answered by JustMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't even be worried about your girlfriends past because you can never go back in time to undue any of the damage for her. Hence the reason it's called the past. Don't dwell on what has already happened but rather focus on the present! Also, I understand that you care truly for her but please do yourself a favor and get out of a relationship that treats you like your unworthy of it all. Your girlfriend has serious issues and should seek a counselor.
2016-05-23 15:46:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met a 30 year old woman, and am 29 - we basically agree that we should understand that we have both had past lives - we're attractive and intelligent and that we should not ask each other about the past - but agrred to be truthful and tell each other if mentioning the past helped exorcise problems that would otherwise fester and ruin the relationship. I would not judge her because of her sexual past - nine partners is not that many really nowadays. The main thing is that you are faithful to each other and you don't keep secrets from one another.
2006-12-12 09:28:35 · answer #4 · answered by bovie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the past, leave the past alone you and your gf cannot do anything to change it. Deal with the present and future it'll be a lot healthier for you. You are her boyfriend right now, you should be content with that. If you start to not trust her feelings for you the relationship won't last very long. Good luck.
2006-12-12 09:27:13 · answer #5 · answered by Die S 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think the "don't ask, don't tell" poilcy would have worked best in this situation. but since you already know, you have to ask yourself why does it bother you some much? i mean is it because you now know that she has been with other guys or is the fact that she's been with more guys than you have girls?? when my boyfriend first found out how many guys i hav been with we didn't have sex for like a month because he said he would wonder which one of them taught me how to do that thing that drives him crazy.
2006-12-12 09:31:45 · answer #6 · answered by felita2004 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Grow up! How can you ever expect someone to trust you and tell you about their real selves if you have these fantasies of what the perfect girlfriend is? The past is NOTHING to be ashamed of, it's how we all learn and become better people.
2006-12-12 09:25:51 · answer #7 · answered by aggie babe 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋